Q: My wife is facing this surgery. Would it be helpful for me to attend her doctor appointments with her?
A: Yes, if it is possible, and if she agrees, it could be very helpful. Two sets of ears are always better as there are things the doctor may say that she may forget. Perhaps even take a little notepad and pen to jot down important points. By accompanying your wife to her appointments it will also help you to better understand what this surgery is all about, what you can expect, and how you can assist her through this experience.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: Should I plan to take time off from my job when my wife comes home from the hospital?
A: Ideally, the patient should have someone with her for several days upon arriving home. She will tire easily and her movement will be limited in those first days home. Her main focus is on resting and pain control during this time. If there are small children in the home, she will require someone there to look after them, prepare meals, etc.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: The in-laws and kids want to visit at the hospital. Is that okay?
A: Young children may become frightened by the hospital atmosphere and the groggy post-op demeanor of their mother. She will be dozing LOTS while in the hospital. Let her decide for herself if she is up to receiving visitors. Phone calls can be a welcome substitute for in-person visitors.
Ideally, visitors should come to the home a few days AFTER hospital discharge, and BRING DINNER, and keep their visit short.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: Friends and neighbors say: “Let me know if I can help.” How should we reply to them?
A: Ask them to prepare and bring over a meal, taxi your children somewhere, walk the dog, stop at the pharmacy and pick up a prescription, or vacuum or lift something.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: How soon after her surgery will she be able to drive?
A: Her doctor will give specific orders on this, and it does seem to vary considerably. Generally, it is at least two weeks post-op before clearance to drive is given, and it can be up to six weeks.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: I’m not very skilled at cooking, and my wife is great in the kitchen. When can she cook again?
A: Many women find that they need help from family or friends for a number of weeks after surgery. Even then, getting up to prepare a full meal can be difficult and tiring. Plan on bringing home healthy take-out food or deli items. You can also pick up frozen casseroles at the grocery store, and bake them according to directions on the package. Make a salad and you have a meal! Your wife will need help with kitchen chores. Try to be on hand to assist her, if needed, whenever she is up a bit. Be understanding if she is asleep on the couch when you come home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: What are some things I can do to help my wife after I need to go return to my job and she is alone at home?
A: Her needs are simple:
Make sure a TV is handy and the remove control is near.
Move the phone near her and let her turn off the ring if she wants to sleep or call friends if she wants to chat.
Consider putting an cooler near her bed for juices and a sandwich if you are going to be gone all day.
Help her arrange her recovery room where stairs are not a problem.
Before you leave the house, ask if there is anything she needs.
Phone her before you leave work, to ask if there is anything she needs to purchase on your way home.
Ask her how she is feeling and listen to her when you arrive home.
Learn to do laundry and other household chores to help her when you get home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: How can the rest of the family help?
A: For children living in the household:
Be extra quiet when Mommy is resting/sleeping.
Ask another adult, instead of Mommy, whatever it is you need to ask.
When Mommy is awake, go ask her how she is feeling ahd give her a big, gentle hug, and tell her you love her.
It might not be a good idea for your children’s friends to gather at your house while Mommy is trying to rest and recuperate; play at another kid’s house. This is not a good time for Mommy to have to supervisor other people’s children.
Call a truce between siblings and enforce a “no bickering” rule while Mommy is at home recuperating.
For relatives outside the household:
Offer to bring breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Offer transportation (for her to doctor appointments; for kids to soccer practice, etc.) or to take the kids out for the day, or have them stay overnight (or longer).
Take her out to lunch once she’s feeling capable; only lunch -- no mall visits, no movies.
Offer to pick up prescriptions, or personal items for her from the pharmacy or other store.
Leave numbers where you can be reached so she can phone YOU when she’s awake and feeling like a chat.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: My wife is always complaining of gas pains. What can I do to help her?
A: Buy lots of Gas X and take short, slow walks with her. Walking will get the gas moving, but she will need you near in case she loses her footing.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: My wife cries all the time. Why is she so emotional and what should I do?
A: A hysterectomy is a very emotional surgery. Crying is normal. Just give her a hug and tell her the TWO of you will get through this together. Be patient is she wants to talk about her surgery and her feelings over and over again. She would do the same for you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: It’s been two weeks since my wife’s surgery. I took two weeks off from work to help her and to help with the kids. Now that I am back to work, I see no reason she can’t take care of our two-year-old by herself!
A: Your wife has had major abdominal surgery and she still has many restrictions, especially where lifting, straining, bending, pulling and pushing are concerned. Looking after a busy two-year-old involves almost all of these actions. Furthermore, the general anesthesia that was used during surgery stays in a patient’s system and some residuals will remain for a while still. All of this means that your wife risks injuring herself and that her reflexes are not up to par, possibly endangering your child.
Since you have returned to work, it would be wise to either send your child to his/her regular caregiver or enlist the help of a temporary caregiver until your wife can safely look after your little one.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: It’s been four weeks since my wife’s hysterectomy. She insists on taking naps a couple of times a days and says she can’t do housework yet. I think she just wants attention. This surgery thing is getting old.
A: Your wife has undergone major surgery. Just because she gets up and dressed each day doesn’t mean she had recovered yet. While most of the initial healing takes place in 6 to 8 weeks, it can take six months to a year to heal completely. Even when she is released by her doctor to perform normal activities, she will still need help with some chores like vacuuming, heavy laundry baskets, etc.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: What about sex? When can we get back to normal?
A: It’s very important to follow doctor’s orders of NOTHING IN THE VAGINA until the doctor has given the okay, which is typically at 6 weeks post-op. The doctor didn’t make this up just to torture you. We also suggest that you proceed very carefully after the doctor has given you the green light, for the first few weeks or month. Tune into your wife’s trepidations and take her cue on how to proceed
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: I know it takes some time to recover from surgery, but it has been two months and my wife’s temper is off the chart. She is happy one minute, crying the next, yelling at me, and I have no idea what to do. She is also having some trouble remembering things. Is this normal and when will it end?
A: Your wife is experiencing hormonal upheaval. It is very common for women to have this problem until some sort of hormonal balance is achieved. Whether she has had her ovaries removed or not does not seem to make a difference in the beginning, because most of the time retained ovaries are “in shock” after surgery and not working properly. Usually they will resume functioning again but sometimes they do not, and your wife will need to have some sort of supplementation. A woman who has had her ovaries removed may need complete replacement of her hormones and it may take some time to get the formula right. Some women take a pill or put on a patch and it works like a charm right off the bat. Others have to make adjustments to get back to normal. Hormones control many aspects of our emotional and physical being so when they are unbalanced, women tend to be a little unbalanced. Be patient with her and realize that while she is in this upheaval she is not going to be able function like she used to and will need continued support until she’s feeling like herself again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: My wife has been diagnosed with cancer. How can I help her through this when I am so afraid myself?
A: It’s important to be open to listening to her. Regardless of what she wants to tell you or talk to you about, it’s crucial that you allow her to share all she wants to about what she is facing. There will be a million fears going through her mind. Some of those fears may include whether she will require further treatment, such as chemotherapy and/or radiation after her surgery, and if so, will it result in bad side effects and hair loss. Her mind will be going 24/7, and it may be difficult for her to focus on anything except her diagnosis in the beginning.
You will, of course, be very worried as well, but it’s very important that you not withdraw into yourself at this time. Cancer is a very hard challenge to go through, but you have to be strong for the both of you.
The most important thing is to just be there for her. Try to reassure her that she has great doctors looking after her, and that you will both get through this together. If you sense that she feels she is not getting the information she needs then you should plan to attend all her medical appointments and, by all means, speak up while there. You will be her primary caregiver in most cases and it’s important that you both be as informed as possible about what her diagnosis involves now as well as in the future.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: My wife has no sexual desire anymore. It seems like she is not interested in me at all. Will she ever want to have sex again?
A: Sometimes after a hysterectomy hormone levels fall and are not adequately replaced. This may lead to a variety of vaginal problems like irritation, dryness and pain. A woman’s libido can also be affected by her desire being low, and a loss of sensation which makes orgasm hard to achieve or non-existent. All of these issues can become quite depressing and can further hamper her desire. On our support message boards we hear concerns about this very subject on a regular basis. The ladies are desperate to get this part of their lives back also. Unless there is some nerve damage, with hormonal balance a return to a satisfying sex life can be achieved. It may simply take a little time and some added effort on your part to stir up those emotions until the both of you get through this period of hormonal stress. If the problem persists, gently encourage her to keep talking to her doctor about it, because medical help is available.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: I realize this was a major surgery, but it’s been three months and my wife is STILL complaining of having pain or being extra-tired at the end of the day. I think that she just likes to whine!!!
A: Initial recovery for this surgery is 6 to 8 weeks - slightly less if she had a laparoscopic-assisted surgery. However, full recovery may take six months or more. Many women report feeling “like themselves” after three months; however, many report feeling “fully” recovered around the eight-month mark. Keep in mind that your wife has probably been feeling “out-of-sorts” for a long time. Be patient and allow her a bit more time to feel fully recovered. Encourage her to ease back into her normal activities slowly and to continue to take it easy after a more intense day. In the long run, you’ll be thankful you did so, because you will have your healthy, happy wife back.
Q: How can I support my wife through this recovery? Do you have suggestions for gifts that would put a smile on her face and give her something special to wear?
A: Most definitely yes! The Hyster Sisters Store has all sorts of wonderful merchandise. We recommend the “Princess Package” because it comes with our book, “Through the Land of Hyster: The Hyster Sisters Guide), a cover-up/nightshirt, a mug and lovely princess crown. We also recommend another gift, the “Journey Package” because it comes with note cards, the tummy pillow, a crown and the My Hyster Sisters Journal. Please visit and shop at the store Here.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: Is there a book you recommend to help my wife and me understand how to prepare for the surgery and what to expect during recovery?
A: Hyster Sisters have written two books that are helpful to women facing a hysterectomy. “Through the Land of Hyster: The Hyster Sisters Guide” features an easy-to-follow Q&A format, and it includes the comforting and charming “Bedtime Stories for Hyster Sisters.” There is also a companion book (in spiral-bound format) called, “My Hyster Sisters Journal.” This contains Pre-Op and Post-Op Checklists and an organized way to keep the data needed during doctor visits. The rest of the book contains blank, lined paper for journaling, which many women find helpful.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: May I post messages on the site for the purpose of letting everyone know how my wife’s surgery went?
A: Since this is a women-supporting-women website, we ask that you e-mail one of the hostesses or one of your wife’s Hyster Sisters member friends, so that, in turn, that hostess or member can share the news.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: Why don’t you have a forum for just the husbands so we would have a place to ask questions?
A: The hystersisters.com website has a mission statement which includes the theme: This is a women helping women site. We have found that women are not comfortable with men posting on the message boards. In the past, we have seen a few people attempt to offer a support site for men of women facing hysterectomies. After the men get an answer or two, they move on. They don’t stick around to help the next group of men.
While hystersisters.com attempts to provide support for a wide variety of conditions and needs for women, we can’t be all things to all people. This website will continue to be a “women helping women” website only. We ask all men to honor this.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: Can you recommend a book for men, about what “the hysterectomy experience” entails for his wife and himself?
A: We certainly can: Our exclusive “Mister Hyster Sisters Guide” E-book, which you can learn about and purchase Here.
This content was written by staff of HysterSisters.com by non-medical professionals based on discussions, resources and input from other patients for the purpose of patient-to-patient support.
-- Checking In - Feel Great - Lose Weight The HysterSisters January 'Checking In' eMagazine has been published and should be in your email inbox if you are a regi [More]...
Store »
Hysterectomy Checkpoints
Hysterectomy News [Read More]
What 100,000 Women Know About Hysterectomy
