 TAH - Have you got anything stronger? Make it a double!!!! |
From the Abdominal Hysterectomy Stories Articles List |
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I've waited all my life for a significant moment in which to utter these famous, albeit cliched words! Well my moment had come. My friend opened the door at 11:30am and offered me a cup of tea?
"Do you have anything stronger?"
"Sure, scotch"
"Good, make it a double".
Having arrived at work Thursday morning, after only 2 days back from having had a large pendulated fibroid removed, the phone rang.
"Hello its Dr. B I have your results".
Well good I think, not at all concerned after all it may have given me hell for the last 3 years as it lay snug as a bug hidden away as my silent womb dweller, but now it was gone, and plenty of women go through this dont they? sure not everyone starts hemorraghing at work and gets rushed to emergency and stays at the castle for four days, but its better out than in and now I was looking forward, yes forward, to my next menstruation. It would be NORMAL. Oh and that blessed incontinence that had pestered me for the last 12 months has stopped. Life was good I was tired, but it was all going to be grand. And besides I'd met a gorgeous new fella, and the plumbing wasnt going to cause problems there.
Nothing prepared me for
"its not good", the fibroid was malignent and the d&c scrappings also have malignancy. 'you have uterine cancer. You need to be here tomorrow (fri) for a CAT scan, and are scheduled for a TAH on Monday'
"are there any alternatives Dr"
"absolutely not"
"oh, can I keep my ovaries"
"hopefully, we think its contained"
"ok, well while you are there can I have a tummy tuck???"
Dr explains to me why cosmetic surgery wouldnt be appropriate at this time, but to talk to him about it at my post op check up. Doesnt he realise it was a joke?
The next few days are a blur. I have cancer. I have to have my uterus taken. I am only 35. I have to have 6 weeks off work, what about money? Who will take care of me, who will take care of my kids, what if it has spread? This is not happening to me, quick pour me another drink. The party began thursday night and ended Sunday. Its not real, but if it is I'll make jokes, no more periods, save money on sanitary products, contraception. I'll be able to have sex whenever I want. White pants are back in. Tears, I'm afraid, what if I die? I want more children, I dont want more children. Give me another drink. Dont leave me alone, I cant bear to be alone. I cant laugh alone, if you're here friends I can laugh and be positive. Hold me gorgeous new man, make love to me, I have to get as much of that in as I can. Quick more wine, where is the vodka? You dont have to stay its okay we've only just met, this is heavy duty. I understand if you want to go, what you are staying, good because I need to feel desired.
A morning kiss and he's gone.
Mum arrives and my nerves begin. Admitted to the oncology unit. Ok this is heavy. Blood tests, preops. Finally I speak to the surgeon and oncologist. They explain the procedure. They'll do a vertical incision, RATS. Take lymph nodes and fatty tissue, pathology will take a week to be returned. Lovely, caring sad eyed men. I guess they deliver bad news too much to have sparkling eyes any more.
Sweet Sweet nurse, ok we need to shave you. What why didnt any one tell me, I would have got a wax when I had my nails done on Saturday????
Aneathetist arrives and we discuss the pain control options. Morphine drip or epidural, pros and cons. I was so sick after the last surgery, probably the morphine, so we opt for the epidural, bad bad move in the end.
Next thing I know Im in theatre, they put the epidural in, and its starts, the fear, the frustration. I'm lying on the table falling asleep sobbing my heart out.
But it all goes well. They tell mum that everything looks clear.
I wake up at 6, groggy, talking rubbish. My best friend is there, apparently I say "you are my sister" and "I want to poo". charming.
The catheter drives me crazy, I have high urine output and drainage is slow, I am about ready to rip it out with my teeth by Tuesday morning. The epidural isnt working properly, numb everywhere up to my chest, but not the wound site. The next 24 hours are hell. Ice tests ever hour to see where I am numb, the bed is propped up full to help drain the epi, still manages to miss the site. I like to sleep lying flat, too bad. DR says they are fantastic when they work, ******* when they dont. Tell me about it. But they cant take it out. The blood thinning injections mean I could end up with a clot. They turn it off and we go for high dosage oral pain relef. but the needle stays in for another night, means the catheter is in also, no loo whilst i have non working epidural in my back. Great...I feel like my bladder is going to burst.
Play a game, try and guess my blood pressure, temperature and oxygen levels when they do my obs. Nurses think its funny and marvel that I get it right most of the time. More jokes with the Drs about contraceptives and no more periods. They look at me strangely, like i dont quite get the seriousness of it all. I do, but I dont want to cry.
Blessed relief Wednesday morning when the remove the epidural and catheter. Visit from the physio, she gets me out of bed. I walk down hallway. Am I going to be an invalid for long? All I want to do is wee freely. Bliss....nothing has ever felt better. Oh except that first cigarette...not long after the first wee.
The flowers have been coming thick and fast for a few days. Most wonderful, the HUGE arrangment from my online weight watchers friends, we've never even met.
The next few days are filled with visitors, the castle being only a block from my office means collegues visit daily. I am so blessed to have such marvelous people. One partner gives me a very funny book, cant read it, hurts to laugh. My best friend has given me a scented teddy, its smells nice, not like a hospital. I hold it all the time and pat it like its my cat. I miss my cats.
I begin talking to J in the next room, she has stomach cancer. Prognosis is not good, also waiting for pathology after having her ovary removed because of secondary tumour. We talk a lot, she has such small children and cries that she will die. I cry too. We cry a lot together over the next five days. Such a beautiful person. We are scared. The waiting game isnt fun and the food is awful. We compare lunches and groan.
I have no appetite, dont eat anything but a few pieces of toast for seven days. My son brings me in a crab salad, I eat it because he is so thoughtful, daughter brings sushi, good thing too otherwise I would die from lack of nutrition. Who cooks that slop??? The dietician suggest milk shakes, chocolate has iron apparently. So I now proceed to annoy the tea lady, can I please have a milk shake, I'm not eating, the doctor said so. Mostly they do it happily.
I've been walking around a bit since Wednesday, too much and thursday I'm exhausted. My bloods are low, 6.8 and I have 2 units transfused. Apparently I'll feel better, but I just want a cigarette, when will this finish? My friends make me laugh as the blood drips into my arm.
I cry on Thursday, pets as therapy visit and I get to pat millie the spaniel. Cancer patients get special visitors. And they dont make your visitors go home when visiting hours are over.
Fri morning the doctors the debate whether I should take the iron suppliment as well, I tell them I'd rather have anemia than take iron. Finally they laugh at my jokes, I wasnt joking! But I win, as long as I see the dietician I can try no iron supplement. But you have to eat! I'm trying. Today I have a new nurse, they tell her at handover that I have appetite problems, she looks at me and says 'you dont have appetite problems'. She's tiny, I guess my padding fools her. She tells my 12yo daughter, dont you eat too much you have a nice figure. Shutup, we have enough body image problems already....
I've been naughty and left my mobile phone on the whole time. I have no equipment in my room. And its easier, the receptionists are getting fed up with all my calls and visitors. By the end they dont have to look up my room number or take the spelling of my name. My friends feel reprimanded. The new gorgeous fella calls and texts me every day, keeps my spirits high, I cant believe he has hung around, makes me feel sexy and wanted. He doesnt visit, I dont want him to.
Nursing staff are BRILLIANT....the look after me so well. I have to stay longer because I have noone to go home too. The weekend is quiet, not so many visitors, I can rest. I can cry. Do I still have cancer????? What are the chances of there being more even though the Drs didnt see it. J and I talk more and cry lots as we wait for our pathology.
Sunday night i go outside for a smoke, its late, I want to go home. I shouldnt smoke anymore, I have cancer. I've promised that I will give up. I've had enough. I want it all to be over, I'm scared of the pathology results the next day. There are a lot of women outside. Fear makes us chain smoke. Its a balmy evening, no one can sleep. We swap stories, they are all maternity patients, babies born to early, stopping labours, they are all scared. I cant have anymore babies, I'm scared too. They are scared of the word cancer, can see it in there eyes but I make them laugh. Tell lots of stories about dating disasters and no longer having periods and everyone feels better. They tell me to write a book, i laugh, but it hurts. I got back to my room alone and cry.
Monday morning is the longest. I am waiting to see the social worker, I havent seen any counsellor or such at all, she has been on some conference. The Drs come when I am applying my make, I'm going home no matter what they say. They sit down, why are they sitting, it must be bad, I start crying before I even hear them say 'we are sending you home with good news'. The pathology is clear, and a I blubber like a baby. You would think they had told me the worst news possible. I cant stop crying, newly applied mascara running down my face. I dont care. i dont have cancer any more. I feel like this has all been for nothing. But it hasnt. I had cancer. I was sick, I would have died. They had to take my uterus didnt they. I will get better now. No chemo, no radio therapy, just recovery. Thank you Drs you are wonderful. I dont tell any jokes. They wait for one and call me trouble maker and laugh. Nice to see them smile, their eyes do sparkle a little you know. but its a special sparkle that you can only see when the news is good.
I still cant leave, have to see the social work. She's in a whirlwind, but helpful. Wants to send me to a sex clinic, now I laugh. I say I need money more than sex alternatives, I'm young we'll work out how to feel good. She makes welfare appointments, takes furious notes.
Just about ready to leave, mum has gone to the kiosk and bought a card for me to give to J. I am sad about her, worried. dont want to say good bye. I write a lengthy letter, give her my phone number. I take it in, we hug and cry. I have good news, she still waits. She gives me her number, we hug again. Friends.
The nurses hug me. They are happy for good news to. Special people oncology staff, very very special. One nurse hugs me extra long and wipes my tears, she knows they are for J and encourages me to go home with a smile, my news is good embrace it. Thanks Nurse A......she forgets to give me something and it comes in the post the next day with a sweet note.
My stay at the castle is over, home to the true castle. Where I am not just princess but queen. Its a long road ahead, I have no income for six weeks. Its going to be tough, but I will recover. I dont have cancer. I can live. And the new gorgeous fella came over my first night home. Kissing is allowed right?????
Related Titles
LAVH & Double Mastectomies at same time!
"Post-op better and stronger 22 days"
TAH - Mommy make it go away!
You can make a difference! Will you help us?
Vagina - Hysterectomy Make It Shorter?
Chuong Pham, M.D.
18220 Tomball Parkway, SUite 320
Houston TX 77070
832-237-0222 |
John Garofalo, M.D.
30 Stevens St. Ste A.
Norwalk CT 06850
203-855-3535 |
Leonard Rosen, M.D.
3650 Joseph Siewick Dr. #203
Fairfax VA 22033
703-391-1500 |
David Shifrin, M.D.
3001 Coral Hills Dr., Suite 300
Coral Springs FL 33065
954-341-2916 |
Dennis Utley, M.D.
820 N. Chelan
P.O. Box 489
Wenatchee WA 98802
509-663-8711 |
Chris Hutchinson, M.D.
Suite 7B, 1301 Taylor St.
Columbia SC 29201
(803) 254-9461 (Ext. 136) |
Lino Montilla, M.D.
3650 Joseph Siewick Dr. #203
Fairfax VA 22033
703-391-1500 |
Laurence Orbuch, M.D.
202 Spring Street
2nd Floor
New York NY 10012
212-343-3040 |
Geoffrey Cly, M.D.
Suite 101, 11123 Parkview Plaza Drive
Fort Wayne IN 46845
260-969-5530 |
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