Article: Insomnia in the Land of Hyster

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Article: Insomnia in the Land of Hyster
Insomnia in the Land of Hyster

Once upon a time there was a wonderful Kingdom named Hyster. The land was beautiful, full of gorgeous meadows, streams running through gardens, and birds singing lovely songs. The King of Hyster had beautiful daughters. Some were Princesses in Waiting. Some were Punctured Princesses. The Punctured Princesses were easy to spot. They were the ones with the lovely handiwork of the tailors, wearing scars like crowns.

One day a wicked, ugly, jealous gnome visited the Kingdom and noticed the lovely Punctured Princesses. He knew of the love and attention the princesses got for their new scars. He knew of the special food cooked for the princesses. He wanted to make them miserable since they were lovely and he was ugly. He wanted to make them miserable because they were served wonderful food by the handmaidens of the Land of Hyster and he had to eat scraps.

And so, the ugly, mean, cruel gnome devised a plan. He tried to make them cramp and feel bad. But, that didn't work. He tried to make them bleed, but that didn't work either. Finally, he thought of an idea of torture that just might work! He tried to keep them awake at night and for some of the punctured princesses this worked. (It didn't work for all the princesses because even though the gnome was mean and cruel, he wasn't all powerful.) In fact the lovely Lou, Punctured Princess of Spartanburg, tossed and turned each night wondering if she were going nutso. Princess Vicky thought she was going nuts, too, as she lay awake at night. Princess Jan knew she wasn't going nutty but tried reading, quilting and counting sheep to get to sleep. Nothing worked.

Night times became unbearable for the princesses as they were tortured at night and couldn't sleep until finally Princess Lou, Princess Vicky and Princess Jan sent a message to the king as they wrestled with their sheets. "We are at our wit's end," the message read. 'What shall we do? We need our sleep and can not seem to turn our brains off when our eyes are closed. Our sheets seem to strangle us and we must fight them off!" The King investigated the situation that very night and found out about the gnome and his wicked, ugly, jealous ways. The king ordered the gnome banished from the Kingdom. (He was sent far, far away to Seattle, where he would remain sleepless himself.)

Then the King ordered the night sky to glisten with sparkling stars. He ordered the birds to sing a nightly lullaby. He ordered the sky to be velvetty black. He ordered the most wonderful bed and fluffy pillows to be put in each of the bedrooms of the Punctured Princesses. He ordered rest for the bodies of his lovely daughters. The Kingdom went to sleep and rested in all the glory and spendor of the night.

And they all slept happily and restfully (and hormonally balanced) for the rest of their days. The End