Well obviously I was worrying over nothing about the unexplained weightloss. I guess it was just a delayed reaction to the gain I was expecting. I am up the 5 lbs that I had lost.

My back is feeling better...not 100% yet, but getting there!

Things at school are still out of control! Thank goodness we have off Monday (Presidents Day). as 'another' TSS is to start on Tuesday AND also there will be a sub. aide in for the next 6 wks or so for one of the kiddo's as his reg. aide is having surgery. I sure can use the extra day off to get myself psyched up for it!

As usual weightloss attempts have been very minimal this week! I get pretty frustrated with myself sometimes as I KNOW I should not let myself be this fat! But then I eat as if it doesn't matter. I know I send my family mixed messages all the time. So I can't expect help from them as they don't believe me anyway! One moment I am telling them I want to eat 'right' and the next they see me eating something that totally contradicts what I've said. Heck even I don't believe myself half the time!! The worst thing about this is I don't know how to stop this pattern! Only obvious answer I can come up with is to DO what I say I am going to do! Only problem is mustering up the motivation to do just that!

Good News ~ I got my new living room suit this week!

Just need flooring in the dining room yet and downstairs will be done!! (flooding by Hurricane Ivan) Porches will hopefully be done by end of summer! Then we can start on some of the projects that we wanted do to 'before' the flood!

It's been two full weeks since I hurt my back and it is still really sore! I am uncomfortable sitting on the couch and dining room chairs. I've been spending most of my time laying on my bed watching tapes! I am SICK of watching tapes!!!!

Thank Goodness my stomach IS finally feeling better. I hope I didn't quit the Prevacid too soon for that, but I guess time will tell.

I am a little confused at what my weight is doing. I've lost 5 lbs in the past two weeks with NO effort at all! Of course I am thrilled with the loss, but then on the other hand I am wondering WHAT the cause is. I SHOULD have gained NOT lost according to all the stuff I've eaten lately. DS's birthday...cake and ice cream AND Valentines Day parties at school AND 100th Day cupcakes, PLUS all kind of junk at home in between that too. I just cannot explain how a loss could have happened. It has be baffled!

DH sent me flowers at school today! Awww, guess maybe he does still LOVE me! It is sooo unlike him to do that. He's only gotten me flowers maybe 3x's in the 25 yrs that I've known him. So this is a BIG deal for him AND me!

I don't know whats gotten into me but I just polished off the rest of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream that I didn't finish from last evening! I don't know WHAT even made me buy that in the first place...I know better than that! DH even commented "what in the world did I buy that for?" I got very defensive and told him "Hey mister you never mind.....it's MINE and I deserve to have it if I want to!" He just shut the freezer and walked away! You would think that would have opened my eyes to the sabotage I was doing to myself but, OH NO I went right ahead and ate it anyway! Guess I felt like I DID deserve it somehow. I am not so proud of myself that I think that way. How warped is that to think that I deserve to treat myself poorly! Not only that but my stomach didn't handle it too well last night...so what do I do.... I turn right around and do it again tonight! Not too bright am I....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Ok, enough whining and beating myself up! Time to move on and forgive myself.

Tomorrow WILL be better!

Personal Update~
Op'ness is going so-so. I wish that I could report I am putting 100% into that however a more accurate description would be about 40%-50%. I am trying to be sure that I pack OP lunches and afternoon snacks. breakfasts and Dinners have been a different story though. I have been doing little things that I know ARE good. Such as 'planning' lunches and snacks, being sure to drink lots of H2O, and using splenda in my morning tea instead of reg. sugar. I just think I should be doing more! Although I did lose 2 pounds this week. So I guess the 'little' things ARE helping!
Now if I could just put a little more effort into breakfast and dinner...that would be even better!

School Update~
The nightmare continues!!
DST's TSS never showed up! And no word from agency IF and/or when anyone else might be coming!! His violence is very out of control! Teacher had to go Friday for a tetanus shot as he bit her AGAIN, but broke the skin this time! She got bit 4 x's today before 9:00am!!! He also went after another student and it took three adults to get him off her! Unfortunatly we were told we cannot call the police on him because of his special needs diagnosis. (that supposedly excuses him from responsibility) I do think we might be making some leeway though as we now have several other teachers in our wing emailing administration demanding action be taken! AND most importantly we've had a parent that is a very strong ally demanding that they do something...NOW!!! They will not ignore her as they've had to deal with her on another issue a few years ago and they know she means business!!! I just hope I can hang in there until they get him out of there...it sure is rough!!! I find that I am fighting myself all day long to NOT cry! It is very sad to see how the other kiddo's are effected by his behavior as well! I've been telling them to TELL their parents everyday what happens in there! I am hoping more of them will complain! However I doubt many of them are and also many of them don't have the ability to convey what is going on! Office was forced to tell kiddo's family about her attack today though. I sure hope her parents get MAD and complain LOUDLY!!
Ok, enough for today....I need to go settle down as thinking about it gets me all riled up and then I won't be able to sleep...AGAIN!

Hmmmm...I think a bubble bath and some nice smelling candles sound like just what I need!

Personal~
I had an un-MO experience last night that sort of rattled me pretty good! MIL gave me a really nice mirror and it's currently propped up against the fireplace (which faces the sofa) until we decide where it hang it. I plopped down on the couch and saw my reflection and it repulsed me! I could not get over how FAT my neck looked! Well the rest of me too, but my neck looked very very fat! I could not sit there and see that, it really disturbed me! I had to move! Now I am struggling getting that image out of my head! I think that it may be a good thing though as I sure feel motivated to change things!

School~
DST's new guy (TSS) was suppose to start yesterday but didn't show up because of the weather! And said he "would have to consult the weather forecast for tomorrow and make a determination as to whether or not be would be in then or not" WHATTTTT! That is NOT a good way to start as far as I am concerned! I sure hope he proves me wrong about my first impression of him! Naturally since he didn't have anyone with him, it was a horrible day! His newest thing it that he figured out he could run out the emergency doors in the Phys. Ed room! Which of course are near the road!! Thank goodness the teachers reached him before he got too far away and drug him (literally) back inside! Boy oh Boy the principal was MAD!!!! There is a meeting scheduled with parents and faculty this morning to discuss his behavior! Well that is if it hasn't been changed since we have a 2 hr delay today. (weather realated) They are going to bring up the inappropiate touching among other things! I've also requested that we ask for permission to video him. Sub didn't seem to want to do that as she is concerned that it could back fire on us and they will claim that we aren't instucting him properly as they have in the past. Which is NOT true, but I guess I do see her point! However I would still like to try it!

Ok, gotta run...more to come later!

Update:

New Years Eve~ We all had lots of fun playing poker! Of course I ate wayyy too much and had too much to drink! (long island ice teas...yum!)

New Years day~ Had the traditional pork and sauer kraut which I am not crazy about!

Today~ We went to the flea market in Lewisburg and the antique shop there as well. I really like the antique shop, but wasn't impressed with the flea market. Then afterward went to FIL and step MIL's to do our Christmas thing with them. MIL is NOT looking good. She has been battling cancer on and off for last 6 yrs! Appears that it is getting the better of her now...very sad to see! We are NOT close to them, but it is still a very sad thing to see her so ill!!

Had a nice suprise when we got home today. I had a phone message that the kid that gives us so much trouble is going to be out tomorrow, oh how sad....NOT!!! Normally we would not be notified of that but they called since his new TSS was to start tomorrow and I also have to ride the bus with him everyday (I am sooo darn lucky to get to do that!) The bus picks me up at the school and we go and get him and the rest of the kiddos on his run and then back to the school...but only in the AM. He doesn't ride the bus in the afternoon, he gets picked up by one his parents. The bus ride is one of the times he chooses for his innappropiate touching act. It's oh so much fun getting felt up everyday on the way to school by a 9 yr old! (NOT!!) I am sooo hoping that his poor pattern of behavior will have changed since we were off on Christmas break! Maybe he just needed that break in routine to break his habits. Or at least I hope he hasn't picked up any new things while he was off!!!

Ok, time to get to bed as I am betting gettting up tomorrow is going to be tough!

I am excited about starting my "diet" tomorrow!

Got a call from my brother Wed evening and it was really great talking to him...he makes me laugh! Gave me some news that his DD is expecting in June. Which means he'll be coming home next summer...Yay!!! His DD lives here in Pa and he lives in Texas. Seems weird to me that my brothers and sisters are grandparents!! Guess that makes me old too as they aren't that much older than me...LOL! Thats OK though, I don't really mind!

Went into a cleaning frenzy mode yesterday as I want the house CLEAN when MIL, FIL, SIL and kiddo's come tonight! I know they don't care....but I do! Wouldn't you know Jen (my dog) has chosen NOW to decide to shed...YUK! Dog hair is everywhere...it drives me crazy, it's so disgusting!! I will be sooo embarrassed if they go home with hair all over them! She'll be put up when they are here so it shouldn't be too bad...at least I hope so anyway!

I made my sisters salmon spread for tonight. I made it yesterday incase I didn't like it as I hadn't tried it before. I am happy to report it's pretty good! I am also going to make spinach rolls (first time) and beefy cheese dip. I've made the dip before and I know thats good, I just hope the spinach rolls are good too! I went yesterday and got the beer for the guys. I am not thrilled about going there but I did as I knew DH is not going to have time to go. He is working lots of OT. I also went to the state store and I ended up getting a bottle Long Island Ice Tea stuff, a small bottle of Arbor Mist , a bottle of Blue hawaiian Boones Farm, and a 4 pack of Fuzzy Navel coolers. What a combo, huh...LOL! I sure wasn't thinking too good when I got all those different kind of drinks. As you can tell I have no idea what I am doing in those kind of stores....LOL! I sure won't be having all of them tonight as I know that would be setting myself up to getting sick for sure! MIL and SIL will be bringing whatever they like to drink also so I'll just pick one thing I like and stick with that!

I am excited about our get together tonight, I think it will be lots of fun! But I am also having a little anxiety as well. I tend to put too much pressure on myself to try to make things perfect! I want to be able to enjoy myself tonight too and not be fussing around all night! I know it's NOT expected of me to do that, I put that on myself! I hope I can remember that and relax and have fun too!!

Can't decide if this year went by too fast or not fast enough! Anyway I am looking forward to the new opportunities that a new year brings!

Happy New Years Eve!!

I got some news today that has disturbed me

I've been trying to hold myself together at school waiting for my teacher to return from her maternity leave. She was suppose to be returning Jan. 24, but now won't be returing until end of April!! They are having some childcare problems and I DO understand their decision for her to extend her leave. I know that if I were in their situation I would do the same thing. However this means that the issues in the classroom won't be able to be taken care of for MONTHS now instead of weeks! :cry: I am getting very weary of getting beat up EVERYDAY and of the innappropiate touching thats been going on with one of my DST (dear students) It's very difficult for me to cope with at times! I was sooo looking forward to her return so that she could get something done! Her sub is doing a nice job however her hands are pretty much tied with just being a sub, she just doesn't have the same clout as a teacher does. Also she doesn't want to ruffle too many feathers because she wants a job in the district! Also with her being a sub we cannot say that all options have been exhausted when in fact he (DST) has not been provided with a special ed certified teacher! I am positive that it will not make a difference anyway, but we have to be able to say that we did all we could! DST needs a different environment than public school offers! It is sooo sad...ALL of our other kids are scared to death of this kid. They don't want to sit near him or be in line next to him because he hits them! We have on several occasions had to remove our kids from the room inorder to keep them safe! We have to have them scramble away from him whenever he acts up so they don't get hurt. It is sooo sad that he is even there! Our kiddos sure aren't getting much academics most days. It is very frustrating!!!! Of course one of my biggest concerns is that he is going to seriously hurt one of the kiddo's! It's just a matter of time.....I sure hope they get him out of there before that happens! He is on his Third TSS (specialty aide) since Oct.! They all keep quitting because they can't handle him! Two were females and we've learned that definetly doesn't work. He NEEDS a male TSS, becasue he is too strong for us girls and sadly enough he knows that too! His fourth TSS is to start when we come back from Christmas break...a male this time (yay!) I sure hope this guy works out and will stick around...we sure NEED him!


Well guess this is enough venting for today! Time to relax and put this out of my mind for now!

Today was not quite as OP as I had hoped it would be. I got into the brownies this morning and ate the last 3 that were left! Oh well at least they are gone now and won't tempt me anymore! Other than a few hand fulls of BBQ Middleswarth's chips this afternoon I did pretty well. I think part of my problem was that my plans for today got messed up as DN (dear nephew) showed up with his 4 wheeler and I ended up spending most of the afternoon hauled up in my room annoyed at having to keep the dog away!(she's not always friendly and isn't allowed around company)

~WARNING~
I will most likely be using this journal as a venting tool when school starts back up next week. We go back on the 3rd! Just thought I better warn you all....LOL!!!

I am proud of myself today as I did sign up at Flylady as I said I would AND followed day ones advice.....I got dressed to the shoes, made my bed and shined my sink! I even ran the dishwasher 'twice' today. I even cleared the table immediatly following dinner and loaded the dish washer right away. It feels good to not be a slob!

I am hopefully about over the flu bug I've had. I've lost 9 lbs so far just from being sick. Not exactly the BEST way to loose weight. However it just may be the jump start I need to get me motivated.

One problem I know I will be facing is a few gifts I got this year. Such as the gourmet brownies (swiss Colony...yum yum!) The soup mug FULL of kisses and the Fresh roasted cashews. Ahhhhh!!!

DH and DS did help by 'giving' MIL the cashew brittle and fudge I made. Although they claim it was becasue she thought it was meant as a gift to her...so what are ya gonna do ?? They HAD to give it to her. Guess I 'should' be greatful that they aren't here to tempt me....but sheesh she got two of my NEW containers that I just got and really liked too. Oh well, tis the season for giving.....right?!?

I am planning on starting up a BEST binder while I am off on Christmas break. I'll include a place for recipes, tips and anything weightloss related. Should be a good project to keep me motivated!

I sure hope today stays OP!

I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!!