It is so odd. I am healing physically pretty well - some pain, but manageable. I am TIRED but that isn't all physical. I feel like I am all over the place emotionally. One minute I am fine and feeling great. The next I am down, sad, anxious, frustrated, etc. I sometimes don't know which way is up and I don't know where it all lies; Is it post surgery? Hormonal - Menopausal? Fibromyalgia, grief - mourning? depression? Spiritual frustration? I don't quite know how to fix what is broken or where to go from here? I shop and spend money I can't afford to do and eat when I want to lose weight so deperately all to fill holes I can't seem to fill. I am not wanting to feel sorry formyself, but I don't know how to break free and I just go round in circles.

A lady I work with annouced today that she is pregnant. While I am very happy for her, this news devestated me! Will it ever be ok or will it always feel like a hole there?

I am feeling a little better. The pain is lessening as a whole - except that I am having flair ups of my fibromyalgia. My back bothers me more than anything else (and some belly / abdomen). I am still up and down emotionally. But, I am back at work and that is actually helping in many ways because of keeping busy and distracted. I see my doctor on Friday so we'll see where I am at then and see what his thoughts are.

My biggest help has come from all the support I have received here at this website. So, again I thank you all and please let me know if I am able to help any of you as you have helped me. I am here for you as we all work through this experience.

Now, if I can just get back on my diet!!!!

I am so depressed today. I just can't shake this funk. I am so blue and just am crying all the time. On top of these feelings, I am just so stressed. What am I going to do financially?!

I have to go back to work tomorrow and part of me feels like it may be a good and healthy thing to get back into life and part of me is not sure I am ready for this. But, I also feel I like I have no choice. Plus, I am really hurting physically today.

Oh God please help me please! I feel so hopeless and helpless and empty. I feel listless and just so down.

So many experiences from the best to the worst. I have to say for all the emotional issues I am going through, the pre-op, surgery and post - op could not have gone much better. For this I am truly grateful. I have a doctor who is incredible. And for the most part the procedure went off without a hitch. My worst time came in recovery. I should have been there only about 1 hour and it ended up being 3 (So I am told). There was an extreme amount of pain as I was waking up and they had to get the anesthesiologist back in to give me an epideral. I was still having considerable amount of pain when I was taken to my room where they put me on a morphine drip - where you push the button when you need it. The staff however could not have been nicer and more caring. One of my biggest concerns was my modesty and they all took great care to protect this with me. I was put in maternity which I had mixed feelings about, but it ended up being ok. They just understand women's needs better there and that is where the OB/GYN doctors, nurses and facilities are most easily available. I found out that my Doctor is also a Pastor and so I asked him to pray with me before surgery which he did without hesitation. So, I know there are many princesses out there about to face this surgery and it is very scary. But, I hope all of you are most pleasantly surprised with the best possible expereince and care given the circumstances.

All my best wishes!

So who's bright idea was this?!


Today I had a tooth extraction and an implant. Nothing like going to the dentist to take your mind off the other end of your body. Although I did find myself uncomfortable at times and it wasn't strictly the work done in my mounth. Hee is another irony! It took the whole procedure 3 and a half hours and it took my hysterectomy 90 minutes. I probably shouldn't have done these two procedures quite so close together except that I had a serious infection in my mouth that was working through the bone. Well, I guess I have been worked on now from "top to bottom"!!!




I have to be carefull not to laugh to much or it hurts!

Today, I just feel this overwhelming loneliness and I don't know how to "cure" it!

I wish to apologize t all my "sisters" for being so selfish and self-focused. I just can't seem to shake this down feeling!

I just turned 48 and my life is not anything I expected it to be. I hear so many stories of women who suffered, got a hysterectomy and wondered why they waited so long since they feel so much better. I keep hoping this will be true. But, my biggest pains and hurts are emotional and spiritual and not physical. There aren't any easy "surgical" solutions for those. I have been going through peri-menopause for about 2 plus years now (in addition to dealing with Fibromyalgia and Dermatomyositis), so between this and the hysterectomy, all I feel is old and empty. So, where do I go from here?!

I just want God to reach out to me and make my life count for something. I want to feel special and valued. But, I just feels He is so far away!

To be fair, I know it can be so much worse and I truly have a lot to be grateful for including the many new friends I am making on this website. But, I have to be able to release and work through all the pain and emotions that are just burning inside me!