A friend from my former church phoned me yesterday to tell me she loves me. This is an amazing woman. She was driving another lady to a doctors appointment and the lady said to her, "Darlene, stay on your own side of the road!" She said she was but she was swerving all over the place. When they got to the doctors office they discovered something was wrong with her. To make a long story short she had a brain tumor! She went into the hospital and was told she had stage 4 cancer. They thought it started in her ovaries. She had surgery on the brain tumor and is home, which is when she called to Praise God for bringing her family closer together and to tell me she loved me and my husband and my beautiful boys. She has to go to a gyno to see about the ovary and what is on it and they are checking her body everywhere for cancer. She is going through so much right now but what a wonderfully positive attitude she has. She is one of the most friendly upbeat people you could ever meet. Because the surgery was just recent she is talking kind of slurred and has trouble with her one side, but is able to walk to the bathroom alone. I am so glad she called me. I will be writing her a love letter today.

I received a phone call from my Pastor today that a very dear friend of mine passed away this morning. We played in an Appalachian band at church and he would sometimes play his guitar for me when I was asked to sing a solo. I will miss him so very much. He taught me so much and was trying to teach me to play the guitar. He didn't like it when I was asked to sing at church and I would use accompaniment tapes or cds, he always told me that "When you get that guitar learned you won't need that boxed up music anymore". We were supposed to play in church tomorrow morning and on the first Sunday of March he and I were doing a song called "When the Roll Is Called up Yonder" together. I just keep crying today. I am sure he has his guitar on his knee or his banjo and the Angels are having a really fine time singing with Roy. I loved listening to the stories of his growing up years. He just told us a story on Thursday evening when we were at practice that when he was young they were sitting in church and the church was lit by gas lanterns, he said someone came up to the church and shot 3 times at the lanterns and missed and you could hear him running through the corn field with the men of the church in hot pursuit. He said they never did find out who had done that. He was just a really really great guy and I will miss him so much. His wife also plays with us, she is a very talented lady, playing many instruments. Thank you for listening to my heart cry.

My sister is 57 and just married a man who is 40, there ages aren't the problem however. Her husband died almost 10 years ago of a massive heartattack, he had some investments and always planned for the future so she was left pretty well off. She was understandably lonely and when you are 57 and men who are 17 years younger than you pay attention to you it is very flattering. Well, this guy at church who is very obnoxious (sp) pushed his son at my sister. She is a dental hygienist and makes very good money. He was fired from his job and it took about six months for him to get another job and he has 3 children (who are beautiful) and pays child support. She has a beautiful home that is payed for he has an old house that didn't even have a bathroom, he had to put one in, he doesn't want to live in a neighborhood so she is selling her beatitul home to move into his. We are so very worried about her. She has a 1963 split roof corvet and money in the bank, he has nothing and likes to spend. We all tried to talk to her and explain how much she would lose by getting married to him. We don't want her to be lonely, but we think he is a gold digger. He can turn the tears on like a faucet. I made her wedding cake because she asked me to and I couldn't say no to her. My dad gave her away but hasn't slept and he did it because she asked him and he loves her. I woke up in the early morning hours of Sunday with a migraine worrying about it and our older sister has cried and cried. We are trying to leave her in God's hands and let Him take care of her. It is just so hard to understand why she would do such a foolish thing. Could she be so lonely for a mans touch that she couldn't see the forrest for the trees? I just don't know. But we will be here for her if she needs us. We can't understand why she married this guy but will pick up the pieces if she needs us to. I think his dad was the only one who was truly happy and he made a royal pest of himself.

My SIL has suffered so much. About 18 years ago she became a diabetic and did well taking care of herself. Then she had to have emergency gall bladder surgery. Over the years their children grew and her kidneys began to fail and she needed a transplant, my DH was tested, we don't know if he would have been a match because her DH gave her one of his kidneys. When they were taking the shunt out of her chest during a surgery the oxygen somehow caught on fire and burned her face, there was months of surgery and rehab and counseling for that. During one of her surgeries the lymph nodes in her legs were messed up and her legs are very swollen to the point she can only wear dresses, she is normally a very tiny person, maybe 5feet tall and 110 lbs., The circulation is very bad in her legs. She has congestive heart failure and mini strokes and now they thought she had poison ivy but it was chicken pox from head to toe and her sugar went up to 900 and the DR put her in the hospital. While there they were moving her to another room and her DH left for a bit, they had her sedated for the itching and didn't put the side of her bed up and she fell out and is now suffering from a fractured hip!!!! How much can this girl take??? she is only 53 years old. Her DH is the absolute BEST and so are her 2 DS's and DIL's, she had 3 very precous grandchildren and she adores them so much. The only thing I can do for her is lift her up before God and ask Him to ease her suffering.
I had my grand nieces last weekend overnight. We had a great time. I asked if they wanted to go to a movie and they said they just wanted to come to my house and be with my DH, DS's and me. We went out to dinner first and they were up way too late but we had the best time together.
Today is my DS's 20th BD, no more teenagers in my house. I miss the growing up years but am enjoying watching my 3 DS's turn into men. they are all pretty self sufficient and only require meals from mom once in a while.
All for now, it is so good to have a place to put thoughts out before me.

I pride myself for having a listening ear for my friends. I have a friend who lives in another state and is an escort, (she drives the flag truck for oversized loads) she has her own business and does very well at it. Her DH is a truck driver and he drives for another company, so needless to say they are away from each other most of the time. He is a spender and has gotten them into financial trouble and she is having a hard time meeting their financial obligations while he keeps spending. So she has had to hide some of the money she makes to keep them fluid while he contributes very little. She has lost respect for him and I don't think their marriage will last, it is really a sad thing. He is always angry at her. It doesn't make much sense. His family is so supporting of her and they have even called her and told her to watch her back. The only thing I can do is listen when she calls me and try to give her encouragement and pray for them. She is always traveling around the country and is very good at her job. He is quite jealous of her also. It helps to put this in black and white and try to make some sense of it, but that seems almost impossible.

The last time I made an entry I was so worried about my best friends DH. He had the surgery one week ago and there wasn't any cancer in the lymph nodes. He is home and doing as well as can be expected with the reconstruction and catheter he had to come home with. But what a blessing for there not to be cancer in the lymph nodes. He goes to the DR Monday to have the staples and catheter removed. I am not sure at this time if he has to have radiation or chemo. The DR said the cancer was encapsulised and the surgery went very well.
I am making Easter Candy, I love doing this even though it just seems there isn't enough time sometimes. I make small pieces with pictures and use toothpicks to fill in all of the details and then fill with white or milk chocolate, solid white or milk chocolate bunnies and peanut butter and chocolate fudge eggs. I love the reactions of people I give them to. My DH always tells me, "You don't see that kind of stuff in the stores, your candy is really pretty" makes me feel really good.
I also talked about my great nieces in my last post, I will be getting them to take them to dinner and a movie and possibly keeping them over night. I got an e-mail from the oldest the other day, it simpy said I lOVE YOU in large pink letters. They are my heart. I love them as much as my 3 DS's. ;-) It is almost 5 am and I really should try to go back to bed and get some sleep. I have poison ivy and the itching makes it hard to sleep sometimes.

It was so beautiful out today. Cold but very Sunny, the frost on the trees in the sunshine was especially pretty this morning. Went to Curves and to Dad's and when I came home poor Gertie had gotten sick in her cage. She also got sick when I let her out. She seems to be fine now. I just found out some wonderful news, my niece with the two little girls that I babysat for 6 years is going to get married next summer. Then they will be a real family, which is what the 7 year old has always told me. She wants a real family with a mommy and daddy. I am not supposed to tell anyone so this is our secret.

Wow, I feel so welcome here, I have thought about journaling before but wasn't so sure. The comments I have received are wonderful. I will try to talk to my niece about seeing the girls more. Who ever would have thought it was possible to love other children as much as you love your own?

There is so much going on in my life, my best friends DH has prostrate cancer, such a hard thing to see her go through this. I am trying to be there for her in being positive and encouraging. Last night he asked her if there was a Proster/Brother site like Margo's Hyster/Sister site because having your prostate taken out is kinda like a hysterectomy. How funny, I am glad that he has a sense of humor. My DH and I watched a movie "American Rhapsody" it sparked so many feelings in me. I baby sat my great niece for six years and her sister. The older one was 5 when I started babysitting and the little one was a new born. I am so in love with these girls. Their mom is now engaged and moved and I haven't babysat in a little over a year. I go and get them when I can but she doesn't invite us to anything that is important and I really don't think she has a clue how much those girls mean to us. Anyway I cried and cried for months after they moved and now after watching that movie it brought it all back to me. The last time I went to take the girls to a movie and dinner the little one cried and wondered why did they have to move because they miss me so much. It has sparked some binge eating in me though I am fighting it. Today I ate some pop corn which is the only thing I ate that I shouldn't have. Thought maybe journaling this might help keep this feelings at bay. I also babysat their mom who is my sisters daughter when she was small. I think in my heart this must be what it is like to have to give a child up or to keep foster children and then have to give them back. I don't think I would be a good foster mom because I don't think I could stand to let them go. Well, I have a dog to keep me company, she is soft and warm and really keeps me busy, I have even thought about a job, but DH works shifts and now that we are , well, I am almost 50 he is 50, we wouldn't see much of each other. It just feels good to vent and get things off of my chest.