I treasure all of the amazing women in this group but have not been here in quite a while...per my previous entry I have been in heavy denial, trying to get through the after effects of my hysterectomy alone...in some ways thinking that by denying there were any issues that I would win and the after effects would simply disappear.

But that didn't happen. My menopause symptoms beat me down and frustrated me because I felt I was weak if I gave into them. But I have learned that this was foolish on my part. I am now happy and relieved of my most significant symptoms. This will allow me to get back to being me.

In looking back on my journal I see that I left off with the Katrina Cats. Since that time, we have established an ongoing cat shelter operation in the women’s prison here in VA and it appears that it is the first of its kind in the country. While there are feral colonies and dogs who are housed in prisons, this is the first ongoing cat shelter to be established in a prison.

The benefits for cats and women are many and the impact we have had on the women who are in the program is heart warming and profound. You can see some photos and read about what we are doing on our web site www.sos-penpals.com.

This work has touched my soul in a way that is difficult to describe. But I can tell you that animals have an incredible way of tapping into the best part of humans. They teach us so much through their unconditional acceptance, love and resilience of spirit. Many of them have been abused, or abandoned yet they respond to kindness and move forward not looking back.

I have a conference in New Orleans this November and my husband and I are going down early so I can visit the shelters in Louisiana and Mississippi that I rescued cats from. I will finally be able meet the men and women that I spoken to so often by telephone and who worked so hard in spite of their own personal losses to ensure that the animals impacted by this natural disaster had a second chance at a wonderful life.... I can't wait to meet them and tell them the amazing adoption stories and how their tragedy has given birth to a shelter that is now saving cats on a daily basis here in Virginia.

I had my hysterectomy in September of 2004 and my Dr told me I would be on hormone therapy for one year after which my menopause symptoms should have abated. I came off the Climara patch in August of 2005. Since that time I have been miserable. I have tried to tough it out through horrible night sweats, daily hot flashes, itchy dry skin, emotional tidal waves and weight gain. I must footnote my remarks with the confession that I hate taking any kind of medication so I didn't report my symptoms to my Dr.

I had my two year check up this week and when I told my Dr about my quality of life. He said he said he was troubled by the fact that I had not called him. But I guess I took him too literally and of course coupling that with my aversion to drugs suffered longer than I needed too.

I went back on the patch Thursday night and today feel like a different person. I slept through the night for the first time in almost a year last night, I have energy to burn and I did not have a single hot flash today....YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

It's amazing how different I feel....and a bit humbling I must admit. I have always thought that i could control, suffer through and conquer anything...this really beat me down. My marriage and my other personal and professional relationships have all suffered from my menopause symptoms. Sitting here today I regret not crying uncle and seeking help sooner. So my advise to anyone who is reading this is talk to your Doctor and don't suffer in silence. While the patch and hormone therapy might not be right for you, talk to your medical professional and find out what herbal or other non medical solutions are available.

Life is so precious and I try to appreciate and treasure every day but I allowed myself to be robbed of my energy, comfort and sensuality. I had reached a point where I was closed off from everyone and that was so not me. But I am happy to say I feel like the old ME and so grateful to my Dr, myself for getting off my BFA and talking to him and to god for helping me get through the last year with my spirit in tact.

Life does go on...

Love to you all...
Peg

7more cats arrived today! Fortunately we have received significant press coverage of these arrivals and offers of foster homes have reduced the numbers we will need to house . So in addition to yesterday's group I have taken in 26. We have to hold them until October 16th to be sure no one claims them and they are all registered on the national database. Then they can be adopted out.

In the meantime. I wil be fostering 6 (in addition to my own 10),10 are going to the prison facility tomorrow after spending two nights at my house and the rest are resting comfortably in foster homes. It's been quite an adventure fitting everyone in to a very small house, getting all of them to vet and back and making sure they are receiving the comforting and TLC they deserve.

The most touching moment occured yesterday when we returned to my house with 19 cats each in small cat carriers. They had been without litterboxes and food (to prevent motion sickness)for 2 days and were so hot and tired from their long journey. We unloaded all of the crates in my front yard under a large shade tree so we could document who and want we had. Almost in unison little paws started coming through the fronts of the carriers touching and patting the grass. It took my breath away and made the tears flow...such a simple gesture but it spoke volumes.

Today was my 50th birthday and I barely had time to notice...I guess that was one of the blessing that come from this type of work...

The cats from New Orleans arrived in Richmond this afternoon after traveling two days by van, then by truck with animal rescue workers returning to New York. There are 9 kittens 6-8 weeks old, 6 adolescents 4-6 months old and 4 adult cats. I took 19 and the rest went to another group in New Jersey.They appear healthy but worn out by their ordeal both in New Orleans and on the long, trip north. I am taking them to the vet tomorrow and with the help of volunteer foster families will be fostering them until they are adopted.

My dining room has been turned into the triage center and kennel and is stacked with crates of cats. It's quite a picture. I will post some photos soon. But for now I am completely exhausted and going to get some rest.

Everyone has to go to the vet in the morning so that will be another event in and of itself.

I offered to take 10 cats from the impacted Gulf Coast region into my shelter here in VA. However, apparently that offer was broad cast to several groups rescuing down there and tonight my phone it ringing non stop with calls from people en route with 30 cats at last count( and more to come I suspect). My program houses cats in a shelter in a State Penitenery. The inmates care for the cats and my group handles the adoptions. Since these are state prisons, staffing on the weekends is such that I can only do intakes during the week. The cats I agreed to take (which are not even among the one on their way) were to arrive next week. So long story short I have cats caravanning here who will start to arrive tomorrow morning about 6 AM.

I am lining up all of the local resources I can find but this far I have only been able to find foster home for 5 cats and two kittens. So it looks like the rest are coming to my house. I am already fostering 4 in addition to my 6 permanent cats so life is about to get very interesting...

Please keep these cats who have had a rough journey to this point and me in your thoughts and prayers and if any of you in the Central VA region can foster a cat or cats, please email me.

I haven't journaled in a while, partly because I haven't felt like I had much to write about. My recovery has been remarkable in the fact that it has been unremarkable. I have had very little pain and been able to get up and about early on and progressed ahead of schedule. I have been so blessed and fortunate to not have the pain and complications some of my fellow sisters have experienced. My heart goes out to them and felt a little guilty continuing to write about how good I felt.

But today, I just wanted to diary my day for me. First, I trapped a cat that I had seen a couple of times in the last few weeks. He was a pretty, no beautiful, steel grey male. Not very feral acting so I presumed he was a hungery stray. We have a colony of feral cats that have taken up residence in our backyard and we participate in a TNR program to care for these little animals. We have 9 who call our home theirs. My DH has built them an insulated cat house and while I was in the hospital he built the feeding shelter I had been talking about all summer.Just when you think your husband doesn't hear you... I have pictures of my little feral babies and their little home on this site if you want to see them.

Early this morning, I took the cat I trapped yesterday to a wonderful vet here in town who cares for ferals. I was so worried because once I trapped this guy I realized how sick he was. He had diaharea and was very thin. He was very sweet and appeared to be a stray rather then feral. He let me touch him and was very quiet and calm. She took him and told me she would call as soon as she knew anything. I got the call around 10 AM. He had a massive maggot infection in his rectum. God, what kind of pain he must have been in. There was nothing that could be done to help him and she recommended putting him to sleep. I agreed.

It makes me so sad. This is the second cat that I have tried to help in the last two months that has had to be put to sleep. My DH and the vet keep reminding me of the 9 I have rescued and now care for and I know they are right but it hurts my heart that there are so many animals out there abndoned, suffering and alone. It seems like a losing battle sometime. My comfort comes from knowing this little boy did not have to die a slow, painful death alone and out in the cold.

I finally got my hair cut today and my nails done so I am feeling like the old me is emerging and ready to get back in the game. I plan to return to work this coming week. While the lose of Cinder (he was the color of a cinder block) was sad, I set my traps again tonight and hopefully I will be able to catch the other little male I have been after for several months and a pregnant female who is now regularly visitng the house.

My Dh calls our home Kitty City. We have two indoor male cats, 9 ferals who live in the backyard and various others that come and go as we safe house injured or abused cats while a local group finds them good homes. DH says he never knows who he will be sleeping with or waking up to...

So with my hair cut, nails polished and traps set in the alley, I realize, Peggy is back is business.

Peaces and good thoughts to all.

One of the most unexpected and enjoyable aspects of having this surgery has been to experience the luxury of leisurely mornings. I normally rise at 6 AM, shower, dress and leave for the office by 7AM. Depending upon the time of year, somethimes the sun is barely up.

Now still get up early but I sit on the screened porch that faces east and drink my coffee watching the sun rise. It feels a little like being on vacation.

The weather and temps this week have been picture perfect which has added to the experience. I had fogotten what it was like to not have to run to be somewhere or have my mind so preoccupied with the coming days events that I noticed nothing around me.

So much for my "stop and smell the roses' moment .

Hope everyone is doing well,
Peg

In the last year I had gained so much weight I did not recognize myself. No matter what I did, adkins, weight watchers, south beach, the weight and the enormous tummy would not leave. I was almost relieved to find out about the enlarged uterus and fibroids as at least now something made sense. I read so many discussions on this site about whether one would lose weight following surgery. So say yes some say no, some say you gain more. I just hoped for the best as not going through with it was not an option.

When I came home from the hospital, I had been on nothing but a liquid diet for 5 days. My bowels would not work so they would not give me real food. It seemed like the ultimate paradox to me. How could I have a BM when I have not had any food for more than 5 days (I ate almost nothing the day prior to surgery...too nervous). When I came home I weighed in at exactly what I was a couple of days prior to going in. I was disappointed but in too much pain to worry about it.

Well I am 2 weeks post op tomorrow and I have dropped 14 pounds. I am begining to feel like me again. The weight is coming off with out any effort and my long lost waistline is slowly returning. My face, hands and feet have returned to their normal size. I feel relieved and vindicated. It's so frustrating when your body is beyond your control. No matter what I ate or how much I exercised that engorged belly and those extra pounds would not budge. My Dr. says I was extremely bloated just prior to surgery so he isn't surprised to see the weight loss. I know 4 plus pounds of it was tumors but I am relieved to find that even more of it was related and thus going away on it's own.

I wish my husband could understand. He had been so great during this ordeal but when I told him about weighing in today, his only comment was "will it stay off"? Ouch!!! I know with the swelly belly it's not as obvious to the naked eye but how about a little more supportive response!

Nevertheless, I am happy, as well as inspired. I will just keep up with my walking and water drinking and see where it takes me.

Peace and happy thoughts to all,
Good Night,
Peggy

Yestderday was a good day. My Dh and I went out for a while. It rained almost everyday last week...very depressing and it made it difficult for me to get my walking in. I had to look for opportunities when the rain let up. Got caught outside when the rain started back up one day and had to shuffle back to the house feeling like I was 90 years old.

DH needed new glasses so we went from mall to mall looking at frames and getting price quotes. Finally found the right frames and the right price at the last stop. All of that running around took almost 5 hours and by the time we got home I was exhausted and in pain.

I broke down and took a three Aleve and went to bed at 7 PM. After sleeping soundly through the night, I got up this morning to a delightful surprise... I had an almost flat tummy ...for a little while anyway. I was so excited to see what things might look like in the future I went to find DH. Look, I said. Look at what was his reply... I think he was just placating me by finally nodding in agreement but I will settle for that right now. He says my abdomen still looks like I went a couple of rounds with a prize fighter. I have to agree with him there. The black and blue marks are turning yellow and brown but obviously, my uterus put up quite a struggle.

Still feeling the effects of Saturday nights MOM cocktail. Low groans and gurgles are rumbling around in there. Perhaps some breakfast will help.

Love and hugs to everyone,
Peggy

"The sun'll come up tomorrow..." Yesterday, I was so down and today, all things seem possible. It is a gorgeous, clear, cool morning here in VA. I am relatively pain free and it's my Birthday... Hormones and emotions are amazingly powerful things. Without my ovaries, I am sort of rudderless. Thank goodness this latest patch seems to be the correct strength.

As always, the advice from my Hyster Sisters was right. Yesterday I picked myself up by the scruff of the neck, dressed including make up and hair and with DH at my side triumphantly descended upon the grocery store. It was quite nice actually. One of the check out clerks mentioned that I had been missed over the last few weeks. It's such a little thing but being reminded that people are aware of your presence on this planet is reassuring.

Today, heady with yesterday's success I plan to venture out again. Not sure exactly where but that's not really important. I am celebrating ME!

Finally broke down last night and had a MOM nightcap. I have been trying mightily to get things back to normal the natural way. In fact I refuse to waste any of my daily ration of calories on anything that does not have a fiber component. That coupled with prune juice (yuck) metamucil, Hurricane Ivan quantities of water and walking should be working. But it's still a struggle. I feel like a giant science experiment.

My birthday wish is that everyone, myself included, has an exceptional day today.

Dearest Hyster Sisters:

It's hard to put into words how comforting it has been to have all of you and this site to lean on these past weeks. This morning I woke up feeling alone and sore. But as soon as I logged in, I immediately knew I was in the company of friends.

I think perhaps my impending birthday (tomorrow) is what is adding to my introspection. I guess that coupled with the life altering experience of a hysterectomy is, in fact, a "big deal". It has been such an emotional roller coaster ride from July 2, 2004, until now I haven't had the time or inclination to sit with it and process through how I am feeling.

I feel so very different. My appetite, my body, my taste in foods even my own scent have changed. Yet it is still me in the mirror. I don't feel depressed exactly but then again I'm not sure I would recognize that feeling. I am so skilled at brushing things off and attributing them to reasonable outside factors all in the hope that nothing is wrong.

My husband thinks I should get out of the house for a while so we are going shopping later. He wants to take me out for my birthday but right now I really don't feel much like celebrating. Oh god, now I'm crying...who was it that said "an unexamined life is not worth living"? I guess this is my chance to examine mine.

More later...

Love and hugs to you all,
Peggy