I went to Mass this morning before work and received the Sacrement of the sick in anticipation of surgery on Monday. I really do feel at peace right now, with my decision, with having done as much as I can do at work and home and with whatever comes my way. I hope the peace continues and the anxiety doesn't creep back in. I am really looking forward to being on the other side of this and recovering.

The good news is this time next week the waiting and worrying will be behind me and I will be on the road to recovery. I am so tired, I guess from the stress of waiting and worrying and preparing and worrying. Even though I've been told what to expect I think it's still the fear of the unknown that's making me feel so beat. I don't feel sad or scared-right now-just really tired. I am ready to rest. I am just ready

Back to work today after a 4 day weekend. I was very busy between taking care of patients and training the lady who will take over my job while I am on medical leave. I feel good that I am leaving my patients in good, capable hands. A couple of my coworkers have asked me if I am getting nervous about my impending surgery. I tell them sort of. I'm not too worried about surgery because I am in the capable hands of my surgeon and the hands of God. Post-op is my big fear. Yes I know I'm always in God's hands but really worried about how I'm going to handle all the post-op stuff. Oh well, one day at a time I guess

Two weeks from now the fear and doubt related to waiting wil be over and recovery will begin-with a different set of doubts and fears! I went shopping today to pick up a couple of things (another loose fitting sundress for post op) and I decided to try on a bikini. I have lost 30 lbs in the last year and we are headed to the beach 3 weeks after my surgery and I figured what the hey. Actually, it wasn't too bad. I think once this overgrown uterus is out of the way I might be able to pull this off. The best part was this bikini was at Target-I have never, NEVER been able to squeeze myself into a swimsuit anywhere but a specialty department store so I was happy.
I need to take an inventory so I know what is left to purchase and what is left to do at home. Mentally I go between being calm and being frantic/crazy/teary. The website has been a lifesaver because even though I know people care and want to help they can't understand unless they are going through it or have been there, not even my devoted husband who keeps telling me-"don't worry" "I don't know why you are so anxious" and my personal favorite "I don't now why you are making such a big deal out of it"- REALLY?! The last statement was in response to a statement I made about calling our church (I am Catholic) and setting up an appointment to meet with our priest for the Sacrament for the sick. M husband informed me that just because I am having surgery that doesn't mean I am sick. I never said I was sick but crap I wonder how he would feel if he was undergoing major surgery that involved say, oh his penis or testicles or prostate. I didn't argue or yell and didn't even really get angry I thought well he's just a man I can't expect him to understand.
Enough ranting for one day, there's plenty more where that came from.