Well, it's been awhile since I wrote. My last period finally ended, after lasting longer than usual and having bright red bleeding at the end accompanied by sharp pains. Yesterday I starting spotting. It lasted for about 4 hours...then it stopped. Seems I never know what to expect these days. The back pain/sciatica is the main problem. I had a massage at work on Friday which felt SO good! Wish I could have that more often! Anyway, the DH and I went to the mountains this last weekend. Since we cancelled our vacation we decided to at least get away for a little while before I go . I also think I ovulated this past Friday which may mean my last period starting even earlier than expected and more pain before the TAH. I've decided I can handle anything since I know that it's almost over...thank goodness!

Well, Aunt Flo overstayed her visit this time. I should have been done on Sunday, but she stayed through today bringing bright crimson bleeding and lots of pain. I can't believe one fibroid is causing all this upheaval in my life! It will be interesting to see the path report. I'm convinced they will find adeno when they dig around. I'm really sick of the pain. My legs hurt, my hips hurt, I feel like I have all the time, my lower back kills me. If the TAH cures all this, I will recommend it to anyone within hearing distance!

Well, the next to last visit from Aunt Flo is mostly over...at least the worst part. Now it's back to the dull aching for three weeks until she hits again. My pre-op is scheduled for the first day of my next period so I'm sure my doctor will be glad to see that I have no hesitation WHATSOEVER when he sees me! I think I've bought all the stuff I need before surgery (and probably some I don't need ), so I'm ready. My DH has my recovery all worked out. We met on the Internet (yes, you read that correctly...10 years together, 9 happily married), so he's a total computer/electronics nerd. He has these handi-talks (like walkie-talkies). I will have one by the bed, and he will have the other. I guess that's the 21st century version of the little silver bell, huh? I'm still terrified of the incision part of the TAH, but can't wait til it's over. I'm so looking forward to meeting the "real" me again...I think I've forgotten what she's like, you know? Anyway...the countdown has begun!

Well, back on May 27 I posted that I was having my next to last period. Probably not! This visit from Aunt Flo came two days early which means I will probably have most of the next one before surgery. Good grief! And I also posted on May 27 that that was the period from hell. I take it back. This one is. I had to come home from work today I was in so much pain. And that's on top of taking Lortab since last night and Ultram during the day today. I would just love to crawl in bed with a heating pad and stay there for the next week. This **** fibroid feels like someone is boring a hole through me. My thighs hurt, my hips hurt, it all hurts. I also strongly suspect I have adeno, but at this point, I just want it all out. Hmmm...that's quite an attitude adjust ment since I first found this website!

I know it's going to sneak up on me, but I really have a pretty good handle on things. The house is shaping up (DH has been good about helping me every weekend to do the spring cleaning we put off ). I've gotten new nightgowns and new, nice sheets for myelf . Next weekend holds more cleaning, but the weekend before July 4th we are taking off to North Georgia to a cabin to get away. Can't wait for that! It seems between hair, dental, hematologist, GP and pre-op, I have an appt. every week until July 21. I guess all that will help keep my mind off of too much worrying! I'm about ready for the TAH...I have my last, full Aunt Flo visit starting this coming Wednesday. I'll start my last one two days before TAH. I take Lortab and/or Ultram every day for the constant aching in my lower back and abdomen and am fully convinced from reading the online message boards that they will find adenomyosis on the path report. I have a much better attitude right now than I did a month ago...still have my "moments," but overall, I'm ready to get this show on the road!:dance2:

More cleaning today...with the DH at home and helping. I'm so excited to be getting the house in order before my trip to the castle! The only bad thing is that I think the weekends are pretty good because I can take a Lortab and not deal with the putting up with aching and pain all day and then be tired at night.

Wow! I knew I was feeling better as far as my iron levels went. My hemoglobin was at 8, that we know of, in April. I started my iron infusions and 4 weeks ago at my last visit my hemoglobin was 13.1...within normal range for the first time since 2004! So, even though the pain from the fibroid is always there, I got up this morning, took a pain pill and went at it...my house, that is. The DH went to his mom's to help out with some stuff for her, so I didn't have anyone in my way. WOW! I've done more today at one time than I have in six months, at least! Ok, before anyone says anything, I know I may regret it tonight, but it really feels good to get the blood circulating. Gosh...I really dreaded it before I got started, but I am on a ROLL! DH called and I told him what I was up to and he was so excited. Not that I'm cleaning, but that I feel like it. He's so great and has been so patient with me. I feel silly being excited about cleaning, but this is really big for me. I have my next iron infusion on Tuesday and hopefully it will be the last. In fact, I may not need it if Dr. J. (my hematologist) thinks it will stay up before surgery. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I posted this on the message board, but again, I love my doctor! Dr. B. is awesome! Yesterday I was again checking my list of questions for pre-op. Now, mind you, pre-op isn't until July 17, four days before my surgery on July 21. But, being me, I want to make sure I ask all the questions I have. I started thinking yesterday that I'd really like to wrap my brain around some of the things that will happen before that instead of wondering up until that point (like what kind of bowel prep will I have to do, how long will the surgery take, will my belly fat hinder healing, etc.). So, I called the doctor's office and left a message asking his nurse if he'd mind if I faxed over a list of questions and he could just fax back. That's also me, trying to be the least amount of trouble possible. About 3 hours later my cell phone rings with a restricted number. Guess who? Dr. B! He talked to me for 20 minutes, answered all my questions and made me feel SO much better! I still have other questions, but they can wait til pre-op. I wouldn't trade Dr. B. for anything!!!

This just goes to show you how hormones affect you. I have the greatest DH in the world. He would do anything for me and has put up with SO much over the past year and a half. I burst into tears last night and said I was scared he'd get sick of putting up with me and my crap and leave! Now where in the world did that come from???? He just hugged me and let me cry and reassured me, as always. Gosh, I'll be so glad to have some of this craziness over with!

Well, since about the middle of this past week, I've been pretty calm. I guess I'm getting used to the idea of having the TAH and dealing with it. Everyone at work is being great about it. I have a wonderful boss, so that definitely helps. I did lose it earlier this week, but after that meltdown, I seem to be doing ok. I'm sure I'll go back and forth in the next 7 weeks, but for now, I'm enjoying the peacefulness!

I never knew that after making the decision to have the TAH I would still have a hard time with it. I know I've read that some women aren't emotionally "attached" to their uterus. I didn't think I was either, but gosh, I guess I am. I never had kids, didn't really want to, but the fact that that possibility (even though I'm 43) is going to be gone is somehow disconcerting. And I know, intellectually that my "parts" don't make me a woman...but they have been part of me for 43 years. And now they'll be gone. It's just weird. I'm sure thousands of women have these same thoughts and work through them, but it's new for me. 7 weeks to go!

Ok, so I'm in the middle of period hell. They just keep getting worse and confirming my decision for TAH. The first period after my ablation in February was a breeze...obviously, since it came two days after surgery, I shouldn't have used it to judge anything. Then the "real" first one hit a month later. It was not as heavy as pre-EA, but still 7 days long. Pain wasn't as bad so I was hopeful. The next one? Heavier than the first, getting more painful. Between these last two is when I bled between and we found the fibroid. My husband thinks I need to have the TAH sooner than 7/21, but I have a plan and I'm sticking to it. Yesterday I had to call the doctor for something to take at work besides Advil. It wasn't working well for the pain, and I can't take Lortab at work. He gave me Ultram. I took one and it doesn't work either. I have been taking Lortab since yesterday evening. What a way to spend Memorial Day weekend, huh?

I am finally coming to terms with having my TAH in July. It's been a long road the past year or so, and when I think that all that's played into how I've handled things, it makes my head spin. I really believe that if my mother hadn't been such a hypochondriac her whole life that I might have paid attention to my pains and low iron sooner. Instead, I never wanted to be called a hypochondriac myself so I ignored them! Only last September when I almost passed out from pain during a period did I realize that I really might have a problem. Since then (discovery of polyps, Novasure EA in February, severe anemia requiring iron infusions, discovery of fibroid in wall of uterus, scheduled TAH in July), I've come a long way. I swore I wouldn't have a hysterectomy, but now that it's around the corner, I'm getting used to it. I still have bouts of "Do I really need this?" but I guess those will come and go. My next period should start on this Wednesday so by Friday I'm sure I will be wishing the TAH were sooner than the end of July!