Hey Everyone!

I have not posted in awhile. I have been busy but I have not forgotten everyone. In fact, just the opposite. I have been swamped with work, family, finals and being a new wife but all of a sudden my feelings towards not being able to have kids has gotten worse. I was feeling better for awhile. I work at a bank. A lot of customers have had babies and it hit me again the other day. One customer tells me in detail about the birth of the child. Then he asks me when i am going to have a baby. I know most people don't know and don't mean to hurt me. It hit me so hard and it hurt so bad. I have been asked a lot when am I going to have a baby from people that don't know...i mean I know they aren't trying to hurt me. It just hurts so bad. I thought I had gotten over this. I don't know what to do to help myself get through this. this has been the hardest thing for me. Physically I know I would not be alive without the surgery but emotionally I am a wreck again. It hurts so bad. I feel less of a woman and sometimes I feel like I have done something to cause me to have to have surgery. Now on top of this, I also have HPV--and have to be monitored every 3 months. I am so frustrated. Please any words of encouragement would be nice.

Hey Ladies!

Well, last week I started spotting(bleeding) and having some discharge. I was also in severe pain. My pain level is down a bit but it is still there. My scar is killing me. Anyways. Something is wrong. I am scared to death--any advice would be great.
I have an appointment to see my gyn. I had a full hysterectomy and should not be bleeding. Anyways. Wish me luck. I am so nervous!!! Any advice would be nice since I have had an abnormal pap just a month ago.

Thanks!

Hey Everyone!

Well, today i found out my anxiety level is really high and that my counselor thinks I need a higher dose of anti depressant medicine. I have really bad insomnia and I am hardly sleeping. My pain is getting worse. I scheduled an appointment to see a new gyn but I can't see them until July. I don't really want to see my gyn that I have right now because they aren't that nice but...I don't know if I can handle a month. Well, if anyone has any advice for any of this. thanks for listening.

Hey Everyone!

I have been so busy with work and school! Plus I have been wedding planning. Anyways. Over the past few months my scar and the area around it has been hurting really badly. Today it is killing me. I don't know if it is all related to what the doctor found or if it is scar tissue from my surgery. I am trying to see if I can wait out the pain before I call the doctor. I have some pain medicine from another surgery that I will use in case I need it. In fact today I am hurting really badly. ANyways. If anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Hey Ladies!!

I found out my results of my colposcopy procedure and I am very confused and upset. My doctor was not very nice and compassionate and did not want to spend time to explain what she found out. Let me slow down and tell you all so maybe someone can help me. She said that I still have abnormal cells and that she wants to retest me in 4 months. She wants to do the pap, the colposcopy and the biopsy in four months. I Just don't understand what this means. Plus on top of it she said the hpv virus caused this. What is the hpv virus? I am in the process of finding another doctor that is willing to talk with me and not be so rushed. Please give me any advice you have for me. Thanks again. So stressed and so worried!!!!

Hi Ladies!

Well, I had the colposcopy on Thursday. I hurt like heck yesterday. I am feeling pretty good though. The doctor is confused as to why the report says possible cervical cancer when I don't have a cervix. Anyways. I am waiting on the results now. It is so nerve racking. On top of it all I really don't understand it either. Well, just wanted to say hi!!

Hey Ladies!

Well, last night I finally slept so good!!! I feel so much better today. I am going to college and I have some major projects that I am working on right now. Sleeping definitely will help me figure this out. I want to become a special education teacher!! I know I am 25 years old but because I was so sick in the past I could not consistently go to college. As soon as I had the hysterectomy though, I felt better.

I am trying to remain positive-although at times it is really difficult!! I will keep posting to try to relieve some stress! I am so scared right now!! I am trying not to show it but I am. i am sure thats why I have not been sleeping that well right now. I just want to cry and hide out. Do you know what I mean. Well, if anyone has any advice for me--please let me know.

Hi Ladies!

Well, my gyn called me at work to let me know that my pap came back abnormal. This week coming up I have to have a Colposcopy done. I am a bit nervous and I hope that its nothing too serious. I get so frustrated when things happen down south since I have had so many other problems. I will let you all know how things go after the procedure on Thursday. I am so scared and nervous. Plus, on top of it all- I have a lot of emotional issues. My hormones are still out of whack. I saw a counselor last week and I have post traumatic stress disorder on top of depression and anxiety. I hardly sleep anymore. Anyways. I will vent more later.

Hey Ladies!

Well, I went to the gyn doctor on Wednesday. She put me on estratest. I will go back to the doctor in 2 months to make sure things are getting better. Well, did i tell everyone that i am engaged. I am getting married in September. So I am definitely stressed out. I am starting to feel a little bit better. Well, just wanted to say hi!

Hi Ladies!

Well, tomorrow I go see my gyn regarding my hormones. Actually its a yearly check up and I am getting this taken care of. My hormones are way out of whack. I am having bad hot flashes, night sweats, severe mood swings, etc. It has been going on for a long time now. I am a bit nervous. I am on depression medicine. It has not even been a week yet. So. Plus depression runs in my family. I am just overwhelmed right now.I work full time, go to school full time( Had to drop a couple of classes because of this stuff). I am trying to go for my dream of becoming a teacher but I have hit a brick wall. You know what I mean. Well. please pray for me!! Thanks for everyone's support.

Hi Everyone!

I have been a hyster sisters member but today I upgraded so I could partake in all the activities the hyster sisters offer. This website has helped me so much. I will be 25 years old in two days and I am so excited! Although I will be 25 I feel like I am 50. I had a hysterectomy in August of 2005 due to severe bleeding. When they took out my ovaries, they found out they never matured. Well, I felt wonderful physically after the surgery. Then a girl at my work got pregnant and my emotions have been on a whirl wind. I am depressed and my hormones are all out of whack. I was put on depression medicine Paxil a week ago and anxiety medicine. I am going to see a counselor. I am also going to see my gyn in a couple of days to get some hormones. I was on the Ortho Evra patch but it quti working. I am hoping that documenting how I feel will also help in the healing process. I get upset when I see babies and I get angry when babies are hurt or abused. Please pray that I get through the healing process. It has been a rough road and it only seems to be getting deeper.