First of all, I have to say that I love all my Hystersisters!!! I'm too tired to acknowledge you all as you deserve to be, but know that you have all made me feel so important and special with the concern and care you have shown me.

My DH took me to the ER and we sat waiting for nearly 2 hours before we were even given a room. I was getting worried as the minutes ticked by because I knew that Dr. Expert was going on vacation... Finally, my DH said that I should call his office and let them know that I was there. So I called and they were surprised that I went to the ER because his office nurse had been trying to reach him so I could be seen at the office instead. I was confused because his OR nurse was the one who called me and I assumed that his office nurse was the one who paged her. [/i]We never did figure out who paged him with my number!!![/i] I didn't, his office nurse didn't... it is very bizarre.

Immediately, I said that I'd rather go to the office, that I could be there in 5 minutes as I hadn't been admitted yet, etc. But they told me to wait there and see a Resident and they could page Dr. Expert if he was needed. I hung up and this is when I broke down. This was also when a room finally became available for me. I cried as I went to the room. It was still dirty from the last patient and as I sat in a wheelchair across the hall I had a minor meltdown.

I started crying and couldn't stop. I NEVER would have gone to the ER if I thought I wouldn't be seeing Dr. Expert. First of all, it's $50, and secondly, I was adamant that I would not let anyone else do an internal exam on me. Part of this is because I have read too many horror stories on this site, but the biggest part was that I feel scarred. At that point I realized that I have certain issues related to this surgery that I have to deal with. I feel mutilated and different... like I would be the guinea pig freak show for some Resident who has probably never seen a vaginal cuff before. My DH handed me his handkerchief and I held it in front of my face because I was crying so hard that I didn't even want to be seen; I just wanted to hide. I kept repeating that I NEVER would have come to the ER... I seriously would have rather bled for a week than be seen by some novice whom I didn't know or trust.

Finally, my DH went outside to call the doctor's office again. He returned about ten minutes later and told me he had spoken with Dr. Expert's nurse who assured him that Dr. Expert frequently sends patients to the ER and that a Resident who works with him would see me. She said that if the Resident asked to do an internal to tell them no; page Dr. Expert. I decided that I could live with this arrangement and calmed down a bit.

About a half hour later a young female Resident came. She was cordial but a little cold and appeared to be about 12 years old. She asked about my symptoms and I explained about the bleeding on Monday and again this morning. She then listened to my lungs and heart and then pressed on my abdomen. Why does everyone always want to press on the abdomen? Dr. Expert has never ONCE asked to press on my abdomen throughout this whole surgical process. So she pressed and we determined that, yes, it hurts. She then told me that she wanted to do an exam with a speculum and insert a scope before she paged Dr. Expert. I said "NO." She seemed a little taken aback, but I again repeated no and told her to page Dr. Expert. My poor DH was being a good sport throughout this all; supporting every decision I made about my body.

So little miss Resident disappeared in a huff and a kind nurse entered who stuck me with an IV, took some blood, took the urine sample I had already done and otherwise made me feel that everything would be okay. About five minutes later I heard an announcement in the hall that Dr. Expert was on line 4. Moments later little miss Resident reappeared to tell me that he would be down in about 5 minutes. I was so relieved I almost cried again. It is relevant to mention here that it was now about 4:30 and I had not had any pain killers since 9am. I was in agony. They offered me morphine and I put them off. I wanted relief, not oblivion. They would not give me a percocet because they have a no food no drink rule in the ER, so I suffered.

During the entire escapade there was another young woman in the bed on the other side of the curtain. Not once in the hour I was there did anyone come to see her and she was all alone. My DH told me that if he ever has to go to the ER that he hopes I will come because he said you really need to have an advocate. He helped enormously by getting nurses, calling the doctor's office, bringing me a drink, and checking to make sure they remembered I was there when a half hour passed with no sight of anyone. He said, "You could die in here and no one would even know." The ER is a lonely place. It is cold and you are in a room for hours in between each little procedure and the entire time you hear a drone of voices in the distance. It's not like the TV shows, however, because none of the medical staff seems to be rushing or doing anything other than visiting with one another.

Dr. Expert arrived with a shuffle of his loafers, dressed like he was ready for dinner, and his calm manner eased my fears instantly. We briefly talked about the mix-up with the pager, but he reassured me by saying that it's easier to do the blood work in the ER anyway and it was fine. We had to move to a gynecological exam room where he took a few moments to get organized. I said, "It's kind of like being a cook in someone else's kitchen, huh?" and he agreed. He seemed to walk a little taller and exude even more confidence than normal and it occured to me that maybe it was a boost to his self esteem that I wouldn't let anyone else touch me. I wouldn't have thought someone in his position would need a self esteem boost, but I guess everyone loves to feel important.

Dr. Expert told me that at 3 weeks it's not normal to be bleeding red as much as I have and that's why he wanted to see me. He told me that he would insert a plastic speculum (all they have in the ER) and that sometimes they pinch, so to let him know if I was hurting. He looked inside and said that there was definitely more blood than should be there. He told me he needed to clean the blood in order to see the vaginal cuff and that it might be uncomfortable, which it was, but not unbearably so (he used a huge q-tip type thing to do this).

After looking at the cleaned area, he told me that, although part of the vaginal cuff was healing nicely, there was a mucosa, or an area that had separated and was bleeding. He said it's not what he likes to see, but that he believes with two weeks rest it will resolve itself. He said that he didn't want to cauterize it because sometimes that irritates things more. He also concluded that there probably never was a hematoma; that the bleeding on Monday was probably from the mucosa as well.

He said when I come in for my 6 week post op that if it hasn't healed he will put in a suture. Meanwhile, rest and no exercise, lifting, etc. should help it heal on its own. He is leaving tomorrow to give a presentation in Italy and take a few extra days vacation with his wife, but told me that if I start to bleed profusely to come back to the ER and tell them he said to pack it with cotton for 24 hours. Having a game plan for possible complications relieved me greatly.

After that, we were able to leave within ten minutes. The poor woman in the bed across from me still had not been seen and my DH and I wished her luck. Dr. Expert had approved me going to the retirement dinner with my DH as long as I sat the whole time, so I did go. It was two hours long and one hour too long. Although it felt lovely to be out doing things normal, healthy adults do, it was enough to convince me that I will be happy to stay home for the next two weeks. I'm just not ready. I hurt and ache and cramp and nothing is helping... not the heat or the pain killers. All of the pressing and prodding and scraping has made me inflamed. Yet I am glad that I went for now I have peace of mind. And I am especially glad that I stood my ground and didn't allow a stranger examine me and insert a "scope" (where would she have inserted it, I wonder, since I have no cervix?). Most of all, I'm happy to be home in my bed. While this is a setback, it is only a minor one and could have been so much worse.

Thank you again EVERYONE for all of your good wishes, messages, and prayers. I don't know what I would do without you.

~ Clementine