After the fiasco with my appointment on April 18, I finally made it into the specialist this past Wednesday in St. Louis. As you might guess, my frustration is ongoing and my news was not good.

I really didn't know what to expect from the appointment and so I left in plenty of time to give the staff the required 15 minutes. I actually got there around 2:15 for a 3 p.m. appointment. I was glad for the extra time as it the questionnaire seemed to be more detailed and expansive than others I've completed recently. Wehn I finished and took it to the desk, I offered the snippy receptionist the hard copies of my records from Dr. K's office. I explained that the office had faxed them a copy on April 11 and sent the copies with me to ensure there were no missing pages. I was a bit concerned when she said that they apparently did not receive them because "there's nothing in here," pointing to folder with my information in it. That did not bode well for the rest of the visit. So I waited for my turn to see the doc.

The nurse called me in and she was actually quite nice. A bit rushed, but nice. She said the doc was running behind, but would be right in. Of course, "right in" meant about a 20-25 minute wait. Finally, I got to meet Dr. L. who had, in fact, received the faxed documents and reviewed them and he had spoken with Dr. K and was at least somewhat familiar with my situation. As you might expect, he felt that he needed to do an exam which of course involved the use of a "scope." At this point, I'm really getting tired of having large objects inserted into a very narrow opening. Large tubes with lights and cameras are just really too big to be put there. Those darn things hurt and there is no amount of deep breathing or relaxing that can make it less painful and uncomfortable! What did he see, you may ask? Well, of coure there's a hole in my bladder! After the exam, he told me to dress and then we would talk.

He came back to tell me that he saw a hole in the bladder forming a fistula to the vagina. "I guess that puts you back at square one," he said. No, I said, not square one - maybe square five on a scale of 1-10. I explained that square one would mean that I had debilitating gushing of urine from the vagina with absolutely no control. So, despite the second surgery not being a complete success, it has allowed me to have some ability to function normally in my daily life. Prior to the March 2 surgery, I couldn't leave the house because the urine was pouring out of me uncontrollably. Dr. L. said that I "certainly seem to have a good attitude about this." He went on to say that urinary incontinence can have a very negative affect on quality of life. No kidding? Do you think so? I wasn't a smart aleck to the doc, but I sure thought it.

Many have commented on how well I'm handling this and that I don't seem to be at all down about it. Well, the fact is that I'm a very positive person and I just don't see spending my time crying hysterically, gnashing my teeth and wallowing in self-pity will accomplish anything. Have I cried? Yep, then moved on. Am I frustrated and angry that this is continuing? You bet. Would it make any difference to feel sorry for myself? Would it make my situation any better? No. So, I just have to keep going on as best I can and hope that eventually, this will all work out. But I digress.

Anyway, Dr. L explained that I would, as you may have guessed, need yet a third surgical procedue on my bladder to repair the hole. That was not unexpected. However, the extent of the procedure is what really got me. The procedure will require 3-5 days hospitlization. The TAH only required 2 days and they took stuff out! The recovery time will be 4-5 weeks because they will have to go back in through the TAH incision line. I am really not thrilled about that prospect. I've already used 8 weeks of my 12 weeks of FMLA time, leaving me only 4 weeks! Thank goodness for the 4 weeks of vacation that I rarely manage to use. Guess that won't be a problem this year. Oh, yeah, we can't even think to do the surgery until the first part of June - 3 full months past the last one. Which means, because of some work obligations, namely my annual inspection and follow up in, I won't be able to actually have this surgery until probably September! I told the doc that and he said, "That's fine. The longer you wait the better." WHAT???? He said this gives the first 2 surgeries time to fully heal. So in the meantime, I leak. Instructions? "Call us when you are ready to have the surgery."

I managed to keep it together through my 5 p.m. appointment and doing a few errands for my facility. When I finally got to my hotel around 8, I called DH. He was suitably outraged. Why do I have to wait so long. I explained about work and he understood that part. What he doesn't understand is why this is so difficult to fix. Frankly, I don't understand that either. By this time, I do break down and have a very angry cry with a few choice words. I felt better, but the tears didn't really solve anything.

So, I'm in in the waiting game. While I'm generally pretty positive, I'm not always really patient. So waiting is going to be really, really stressful for me. I'm giving serious consideration to getting another opinion before I have the surgery. I'm just sure I'm ready to blindly trust the new guy and I want to know if there is any othe option.

Well, hope I have been too much of a drama queen. Will keep all posted on the saga as it continues. Hope everyone has a great week. Take care.