I have been away on vacation and I really missed reading all the journal entries while I was gone. We had a wonderful time visiting family, but it sure feels good to be home again.

I of course immediately jumped on the computer and started reading all the post and journal entries. I see I have missed alot in the 2 weeks I was gone.

I wanted to let each of you know how lucky you are to have each other while you are going through this phase of your life. I was not blessed with having hystersisters friends like each of you do until after my surgery. I only found it through desperation as I was searching for answers a year after my hysterectomy.

I have to say I am alittle jealous. I am jealous in a good way. I had to go it alone. I did not have the support that you gals have.

I hope each of you know how lucky you are and to cherish the frienship you have developed. I thank God each day for finding this website and should thank all of you for caring enough to share your lives with everyone.

My thoughts are still with all of you

I haven't wrote anything in my journal for almost 2 weeks. I guess you could say I've had writters block. I am not quite sure what to write anymore. I have already shared most of my hormone struggles so that each of you know there is hope after your hysterectomy.

I have shared that not all 's know about hormone replacement. I believe we actually educate some of them instead of the other way around. I know I am waiting for my PCP to enter menopause so I can say to her "I have a wonderful creme to try, it's called testosterone you don't have to live a loveless life after surgery".

I do not want to wish anything bad on her-of course. I just want the medical profession to get up with the times about hormone therapy.

I read alot of post about women scared to death to try estrogen if they have had endometriosis. I know first hand what that is like. I was scared from it by my doctor. I suffered a long time thinking I couldn't have HRT. I don't blame him- just his lack of knowledge. He did not know that progesterone helps counteract the estrogen to help inhibit the growth of endo.

There is so much information out there ,and I guess we are all guilty of not learning until we need to. I encourage all of you to keep learning. READ-READ-READ-and READ more.

I am just alittle over 2 years post-op and doing better than I have in my entire life. I would have never made it this far without educating myself. I learned most of it here from all you

You can never learn to much. I still learn everyday, even though I am doing good. I want to be able to help the next generation breeze through this part of their lives. I don't think we should have to suffer as women due to lack of knowledge.

I am that all of you can learn how to survive your journey without needless suffering.

's to all and keep reading

I was very excited at first to share my past experiences with everyone here. Now I am at a loss for words after reading everyone elses struggles.

I have been through the That's for sure. But I am doing so good now that I almost feel guilty when reading everyone elses journals.

So many of you are still so early post-op and having to deal with alot of things. I am just past 2 years post-op and feeling better than ever.

I did go through alot of what some of you have shared. I went from a very active mother of 3, to a mother who could barely functon most of the month due to all my endometriosis pain.

Then I had my hyster and went from a barely functioning mother to a non functioning mother because of all my menopause symptoms.:cry:

I have been through hormonal trials in the past. That's for sure.

Severe debilitating panic attacks--being prescribed highly addictive anti-anxiety meds that I had to learn to wean myself off very slowly.

Being presribed anti-depressants which also are a doosy trying to wean yourself off those.

Going from hating my hyster to loving it more than I can mention.
I use to think that I was going on an anti-hysterectomy journey. I couldn't take all the emotional parts that involved not having my ovaries.

I still tell people that ask about it, that I am very happy I did it, but it is not as easy as doctors make you think it is. You can have a good quality of life after this surgery, but it can be a struggle getting there.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, You are going through so much in your lives. It will get easier and I hope all of you can sit at your computer one day and not know what to write because life is so wonderful!!

I send each of you good thoughts as you work your way through the I hope it is much easier for you than me, but if not thank God you have each other.

HI everyone

I finally feel as if I have truely helped another sister here. I was reading a post and noticed that she lived within 30 miles from me.

She was having a hard time finding a to prescribe the ever so lovely compounding hormones that I just adore.

I was able to call the Dr. and within 2 days he sent her the paper work she needs and she has an appointment in 2 weeks.
I also told her about my pharmacy she can use and I just feel so wonderful about all this.


She has been struggling for many years with her hormones and I just that this will help her.

That is what makes this site so wonderful. We can all help each other. I do not even know her, yet I feel a special connection as I do with so many of you as I read your journals.

I know all I wanted to do was help everyone who is struggling through this I wish I could hug each and every one of you.

and to Hunnybunches....I just read your post about our Dh not understanding our connection to each other. Mine is just the same. No clue what we have been through even though they have watched us suffer. They try, but they will never understand the female species.

Hi everyone

I hope eveyone enjoyed their weekend. We had beautiful weather in MI, so it was very nice for me.

I sit here and read all of the journals and as many post as possible and I have to wonder why we have to go through everything we do as women.

I recently responded to a post about doctors needed to be more up to date on HRT. I believe they need to be more up to date on women's haelth care in general.

We have a fabulous and she tries her best to listen to me when I go in for something, but I have noticed that when my husband goes in- she really thinks there is a problem. She has even commented that she knows if he is there then there is a reason.

I took alittle offense to this. I mean it's not like I sit around the house bored and then say ,hey why don't I go to the doctors today. I have nothing else to do.

It does seem like women in general have many more reasons to go to the doctor. I wonder why this is! I think there is way more to this hormone thing than the medical professions knows about.

The hormones we produce affect EVERY part of our bodies. From our head to our toes. I know men have hormones also, they just must be less complicated than ours. I swear the suffer PMS every month just as we do (or did)

I live with 3 male species and they tend to have patterns of PMS. The only difference is their emotional outburst don't have "labels" When the 2 females in the house have emotional outburst, then we are "hormonal"

We have some people we know who after 26 years of marriage are getting divorced. This is a terrible thing. I asked a mutual friend why after 26 years would they divorce. They have been through everything together after that length of time.

It was said that "She is going through the change of life" and they can't handle it together. WELL FIX HER HORMONES!!!! If she was ok before "the change" then they should be able to replace what she is missing so her and her husband can enjoy this quality time in their life.

Men also go through menopause. I believe it is called andropause. It is real and they loose their hormones when they age just as women do. Then why aren't they sitting here journaling their experiences?

I know I am rambling on and probably not making much sense, I just get so frustrated to see us women go through all that we do in life and not get the help that is out there.

There are fabulous doctors that study hormones. There just aren't enough of them. I am at the point where I look back on all the women I know and can attribute most of their problems back to hormones. Either to much/ or not enough. Why hasn't the medical profession caught on to this yet?

That really has me stumped. I know first hand the problems of missing hormones. Quite frankly IT STINKS! I wish the doctors would look at that first when we have problems. I was put on this medication and that medication for this symptom and that symptom.

It turns out all I needed was my hormones replaced. I can remember being put on that bladder med. Detrol for the "gotta go" problem I was having. Turns out to be low estrogen for me. The detrol never worked. Finding the right dose of estrogen DID!!!

I'm glad more women are standing up and claiming their health back in to their own hands. We must do that until the doctors catch up with our ever changing hormones in our bodies. I just wish it was easier for us.

I feel for each and every one of you as I read your journals. I hope only for the best with each and every one of you. We deserve to feel good. I hope one day as our daughters and grandaughters go through the it is easier for them.

That is my goal to help the women go through the jungle.

I have to laugh at my husband. He said as much time as I spend on this web site, That I should write my own book. I like that thought! I think sometimes I could do just that. Maybe he needs alittle more attention tonight.

I have noticed that this hormone journey I have been on has been life changing for me. I can probably sit here and smile about it because I am balanced with my hormones. I am glad I went through everything I did. It has helped me grow as a person.

I stop and think every once in awhile where I was at a year ago. I was an emotionl wreck. At that time I was suffering with my daily panic attacks and never left my house. I had lost 30 lbs. and was affraid there would be no way out of this nightmare.I think WOW...... How did I ever make it through that phase.

But I DID and I love the new me!!!!

Everyone I knew and loved thought I was having a nervous breakdown!! It was reccomended that I go "talk to someone" Thank God it was my shrink that said I was just fine. He looked straight at me and said "what are you doing here?" You do not need to come and talk to me for an hour a week. That is not going to solve your problems.

All the doctor's I went to (which if I count) was 6 total said my problems were mental and I had to solve my issues.

I knew my only issues were hormone imbalance. I remember the one told me I was suffering from "uterus separation" What exactly is that? Do you think there is a book on that? Now I do know that alot of women maybe are not ready to give up their uterus. But I was. I was done using mine and it was causing me pain.:cry:

I now know that the old saying,"God never gives you more than you can handle" is true. I had reached my breaking point one day and I thought that these people were right. I was cracking up. I got on my knees and

Dear Lord, please help me find out what is wrong with me.
He gave me my answer. He said I knew all along what was wrong with me. Just follow my own heart. That is when I realized that maybe we know more about ourselves than all the doctors.

Now I'm not saying all doctors are bad. I love the ones I have now. But alot of them just don't have the time or knowledge to fix us. They kept hiding my real problems with medications and I was getting worse and worse.

I was feeling like a strung out, medicated crazy person. A year ago I found you wonderful ladies here in the and I learned so much from you.

The most important thing I have learned is that with every struggle we have in life, we are suppose to get something out of it and learn from it.
If I wouldn't have struggled with my hormones as bad as I did, I would not be able to give my hormone journey to all of you.

Just remember....That when you feel like there is no way out-THERE IS!!
When you feel like you can't go on.......
YOU CAN!!!!
When you feel like the world is crashing down around you.......
YOU WILL CLIMB OUT!!!!

I hope we can all continue to learn and share with each other own personal sufferings and triumps.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
's to all of us. We are survivors

My last entry I shared that I had moved to a new state and had to find a doctor to prescribe my HRT. I thought I would just use my new family I really did like her as a doctor. She took the time to listen and explain everything I needed to know on all our previous visits.

She definently did not know much about Hormones. The first thing she said to try was premarin. She has had great results with this. We started out on a very low dose .3 mg. and I felt somewhat better, but it wasn't enough.

I still wasn't sleeping. I had no sex drive, I was still having , ETC........I told her that at another visit and she said try estrace .5 mg. So again I tried estrace. I was alittle nauseous from the estrace and was not eating.

So I called the doctors office and she said come in for a visit. I did and her reply was "What do you want me to do now, slap a patch on you?" Well I didn't know what I wanted, I just wanted to feel better.

She said to deal with it, loosing your libido is part of menopause. There are just some things I have to put up with and she also said this could last for 20 years. WOW, I could not go on feeling like this for 20 years.

She did prescribe Paxil and ativan for the panic attacks. I knew I didn't want to just hide the problems I was having. I knew it was my hormones but no one would hear that.

At this time I had not found this fabulous web site and was clueless to HRT. That is when I decided I had to get educated on my health care. I was reading about progesterone and teastosterone. It made sense to me, replace the hormones I was missing.

She of course said "no uterus, no progesterone" I don't need testosterone, I am a woman. I knew I HAD TO FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR! :cry:

I started calling all GYN"s and asked if they would test my hormones to find my levels. Most of them said yes. Well after a number of wasted appointments I decided this was not working.

I asked at hyster sisters how to find a doctor who would compound for me and was directed to the compounding pharmacy locator. Bingo, there was a compounding pharmacy in my town. Great I went there and asked them about compounding hormones and who prescribed them. He gave me 3 doctors names.

I called each one and requested to speak to the doctor. I asked them a ton of questions about hormones and how they prescribed them. I found one I really liked and made an appointment. He is an anti-aging doctor. I liked this because he specializes in HORMONES.

He was just the answer I was looking for. He knew all about bio-identical hormones. He hated the fact that I was prescribed anti-anxiety meds and anti-deppresants. He was the first one that told me it was my hormones and not some panic disorder I developed.

He said after we balance the hormones we will start to taper you off the other meds. Great, that is what I wanted. He believed in progesterone, and especially testosterone. He knew intimacy is a important part of a marriage.

He held to his word. He tested my levels and we started replacing my missing hormones. I have to travel an hour to see him, but I would go even further if I had to. I love this man.

He saved my life. He saved my sanity, he saved my marriage but most of all he saved my ever so changing body back to a normal functioning state.

I am never going to feel that bad again. I have decided to get to know my body and what I need to do to feel good. I think I could become a hormone specialist myself.....LOL

Today I feel like sharing my experience with my HRT and doctors. In one of my entries, I shared that I started estrogen(cenestin) and then the study came out about prempro which made my doctor tell me I should not use my HRT anymore.

He said he would prescribe it, but the benefits they thought it use to help us with were no longer reliable. He said I might do more damage than good. Well that was enough for me. I stopped taking it! Just like that cold turkey.

I wasn't to worried about not having my estrogen, because my hot flashes were controllable. The only thing I could not handle were the NEW panic attacks and extreme anxiety I had developed.

We had to move from Ohio to MI just 6 months after my surgery. I didn't worry about it much because this was a good move due to my husband getting a much better job.

Again things were fine for awhile. I thought I was doing extremely well for having a hyster and not having hormones. Well at one year post-op things really took a turn for the worse. I think I experienced every menopausal symptom out there.

It started with dry,red itchy eyes. I thought I had developed allergies.

Then My new bladder that had just got fixed stopped working again. I thought OH-NO not my bladder. I love my bladder. I figured the surgery didn't fix all of it. :cry:

Then I would scratch my legs all day long. Again I thought dry skin.

Terrible depression. I thought it was from the move. I couldn't understand that one because I was happy we moved and really liked where we lived.

The panic attacks turned in to daily events. I felt like I had aged to a 93 year old lady because every joint in my body ached.

I couldn't sleep more than 2 hours a night. I thought it was the strange new bedroom I had to get use to.

I would laugh, cry, and scream all in one breath. Now this one I knew were mood swings.

The list goes on and on. Just imagine if it's out tere, then I've had it.. I was talking to my wonderful mother-in law who also had a hysterectomy 25 years ago, and she said "honey your in menopause." Now I know this sounds stupid, but what did all these things have to do with menopause.

I was told some hot flashes-mood swings and that was about it.
I was never told everything else I might go through. So I started reading about menopause and there was a list in this book that had different symptoms a mile long.....Oh my god,That was me.

All these new things I started having weren't coincidence. They were from not having ovaries anymore. Wow I almost felt better. Now I had to fix them, How do I do that? I guess I had to take that estrogen my doctor warned me not to take anymore.

Now I had to find a because we were in a new state. I guess that is when I learned I was in the That is a whole other post. I'll have to finish later.

I have this addiction to this web site. I find myself reading post daily. If I haven't had a chance to look at it in a day, then I feel as if I have missed something.

I just find that aliitle unusual. I guess I understand what so many are going through and want them to get all the help they deserve.

My last post was about taking care of yourself. You see when I had hit rock bottom with mt hormones I was looking for every solution out there that I could find. I realized it is a combination of a few things that got me through all of this.

My cholesterol was getting high, so I had to either take another pill or learn to eat better. I really don't like taking pills, so I started eating right. I gave up all caffeine except for 1 cup of coffee in the morning. I really love that cup of coffee. I found by giving up my caffeine I was sleeping better.

I gave up the sugar and sweets that I consumed on a daily basis. I also found that by doing that I felt alot better. I didn't get the mid afternoon blah's that I use to get.

And of course with all this I had to start excercising. Wow that is amazing. Me and exercise never got along! I look forward to it now. That has made me feel so wonderful. I love to stretch every morning. I do aerobics 2 nights a week at a gym, and I got a treadmill to walk on.

Doing all 3 of these things has made me feel so empowered over my life. I feel like I'm in control now, not the hormones.

I of course started my new compounded hormone, which I can't say enough about. I LOVE IT!!!!!! I use a combination of bi-est/progesterone/testosterone.

This has been a blessing to me. I have had to adjust it on a regular basis, but because I have become so in tune with my own body, I know what I need now. I can tell my symptoms of low estrogen or high estrogen. I just call my doctor and we tweak the presription.

I am 37 years old and I feel better than I did when I was in my 20's. I no longer have those horrible endo pains and my sex life is great (thanks to the testosterone) I am learning to enjoy life like never before.

I love to read all those inspirational self help books, like chicken soup for the soul, they really make me appreciate what I have. I have renewed my faith in the Lord and what a blessing he has given each of us to choose how to live our lives.

My deepest desire is for all of you struggling to PLEASE FIND what works best for you. These are just a few examples of what worked to get me out of that terrible depression I was in from my hyster.

I have done it and so can you!!!!!!

Well I had a wonderful day yesterday, with getting my massage. I have learned alot from having my surgery and the most important thing I think I have learned is to take care of myself. I use to always take care of everyone else and I came last.

Believe me when I say we are important. We have to take time out for just us. Pamper ourselves do little things to make us feel good.

When we are relaxed and not stressed out then it carries on to our families. I use to feel guilty doing things for me. Not any more. Now I feel guilty when I don't. My whole family likes me better when I'm relaxed and not stressed.

We are doing everyone a favor by thinking of us too!!

Well my last journal was about my new panic disorder I developed after my surgery. It was one of the roughest times in my life going through that. It was something I hope no one ever has to go through. Unfortunately some of you will.

The medical profession is still so far behind in HRT that it amazes me. When I was finally given my estrogen after 3 months of waiting, it still wasn't stopping the anxiety. I was given cenestin to try. I faithfully took my pill daily waiting to return back to normal.

It never happened. Actually things got so much worse. That was the same time the new study came out with the prempro report and my doctor wasn't comfortable prescribing me HRT anymore. He still would, but he scared me to death about taking it.

So I stopped taking it. I had definently hit rock bottom and it wasn't until I found this web site that I started taking my health care in my own hands.

I couldn't live anymore with daily panic attacks and just the down out fear I had developed. It was causing a strain on my marriage my children thought I was from another planet. Everyone thought I was loosing it, and they told me as much.

the ladies here assured me It was my hormones and guided me in the right directions and gave me back the confidence I needed to be strong with my doctors. I had to go through several different estrogens and doctors to find my hormaonal happiness that I have.

I would not let anyone take my hormones from me again. the way I feel is my daily life and happiness is more important than "being safe"

I will post more later. For now Please take time out to take care of yourselves. You are worth it!!!!!

I have been taking you through my hysterectomy journal, but today I won't be able to.

It is my massage day. Last year when I was going through all my panic attacks, my husband decided to treat me to a massage.

I mean at a salon, one hour of head to toe rub down. I love them. It releases all the tension that loves to get stored up in our bodies. I try to go every month.

If any of you have ever had one, then you know what I mean. If you haven't had one, then I RECCOMEND it highly.

I get so excited on my massage day. It feels like christmas to me.

It is also my 18th anniversary. I am so excited over that also.

It is also my daughters first prom. I am so excited for her. I never went to prom.

I guess this is just an exciting day for me. I hope every one else can have as wonderful of a day as you can.

Remember to live it as though it is your last day. It helps put some appreciation back in your life.

I remember this like it was yesterday even though it has been 2 years ago.
It was exactly 1 month after my surgery and I thought I would treat myself to a nice day out. I scheduled a hair appointment to have a cut/color and style.

I was sitting with my hair in those lovely aluminum foil strips that we look so attractive in and I was reading a magazine just really relaxing and enjoying my day out.

I all of a sudden started to feel as if I was going to pass out. My heart started racing so fast I thought it was going to jump right out of my chest. I got this tremendous tingling pain throughtout my whole body and I got very flush and extremely hot and thought to myself"oh my god what's happening"

I tried to call someone for help but it was like I was in this time warp and could not speak. My brain was yelling help me but nothing would come out.

I thought wow I'm going to die with these stupid aluminum foils around my head, won't that look attractive in my obituary picture. I then realized If I was worried about what I would look like being dead, then maybe I wasn't dying. (I didn't get the famous "MY LIFE FLASHED BEFOR MY EYES"

I started taking deep breaths and started to calm down. My heart race was coming back to a normal beat and I was coming out of "MY trance"
Once I could finally talk I told the women doing my hair I wasn't feeling well and had to skip the rest of the hair appointment. She unwrapped me and said I could come back later to finish.

I thought sure if I don't die first. I was convinced I had just experienced some form of a heart attack or stroke. Now mind you I was only 34 at the time. The odds were against me having a heart attack because I was pretty young and healthy.

I went to my car and immediately called my doctor and told him what happened. He said he was sure it wasn't a heart attack, but to be on the safe side go to the ER room. I did exactly that.
I was hooked up to every machime in the hospital had blood work and a few other tests and told I was fine. Follow up with my regular M.D.
Fine yeah right!!

I scheduled an appointment with my M.D. the next day and I was still thinking I had a heart attack. My heart had never beat that fast in my life. When he got the results of my ER trip and talked to me he said you probably had a PANIC ATTACK. I was like what is a panic attack and why would I get one of those.

He said my body was probably going through alot with the surgery and it is not uncommon for it to react like that because of all the stress. He said you did not have a heart attack go home and don't worry about it.

That is exactly what I did. I never thought about it again. (at least for a few months) My second trip to the ER room confirmed again that I did not have "another" heart attack. I thought why are these doctors so stupid. Clearly there is something wrong with my heart when I am just sitting around and it beats a thousand miles a minute for no reason.

I mean I wasn't exercising, I wasn't do anything to get it to beat that fast. I then had to schedule an appointment with my GYN to talk about started my ever beloved estrogen. My 3 months of Lupron shots were up and I could have my HRT finally.

I decided to tell him about my ER room trips and how my heart was acting funny. Guess what he told me.
He said it is perfectly normal to have heart palpitations that I was decribing after a hysterectomy. It was from a lack of estrogen and that is what I was experiencing.

WOW!! Now wouldn't you think some of these other highly trained doctors could have told me that. I never knew heart palpitatons was a symptom of menopause. Finally I have an answer to why my heart was going crazy. I needed estrogen. I filled my prescription of cenestin that very same day. I took one as soon as I got it while I was sitting in my car at the pharmacy.

Well as it turns out I did need estrogen, but cenestin was not the right kind or the only hormone I needed to replace.

The panic attacks did not stop there. They only got worse and worse! I was now diagnosed with a panic/anxiety disorder.

I still could not believe that a perfectly normal fairly intelligent highly sane women would all of a sudden start having panic attacks for no reason at all. I was convinced it was my hormones. The doctors believed differently. They thought I had "ISSUES"

I guess I'll get in to those issues next time.

april 20th

Not only did I have the pleasure of dealing with my new emotions, I now had to get use to my new friend "my catheter".

I had thought that my youngest son ruined my bladder from laying on it for 9 months. I was wrong! It was covered with endo. We discovered this at the time of my laproscopy. The doctor said part of it would have to be romoved.
He said it doesn't stretch anymore because of the endo, so even though it would be smaller, it would finally work again.

This meant a catheter for 14 days after my hysterectomy. At first I really liked it. I was laying in the hospital bed and did not have to get up to use the restroom. My room mate however was miserable because she had to be escorted to the restroom. I found out miserable was letting your bag get full and it backing up to the top. I found out miserable was not having the bag lower than the rest of my body. That was miserable. So I learned very fast to keep it empty, and keep it low. No problem!

This was the most embarrasing part of having people come visit you. My loving family and friends wanted to come to my house to see how I was doing. Normally I love having company, but not with my new bag at my side. I kept it hid under a towel. I guess no one noticed the flow of yellow coming out the side of the towel.
Taking a shower became a chore because I didn't have anywhere to put the bag hanging between my legs. By the way when it falls off the shower stall, it REALLY hurts. I knew all the time I was uncomfortable, it would pay off.

This is definently a sure way to make sure you don't drive or go anywhere before your 2 weeks are up.

Finally it was time to remove my new friend. I couldn't wait. This was the only time a doctor has ever let me walk in to a crowded office and be escorted IMMEDIATELY to the waiting room.

I made my husband call the day it was suppose to come out and ask the receptionist if I could go first. I was not sitting there while everyone stared at my bag.

When we got there she said we would have to wait for alittle while. I couldn't help it, The tears just started to come. I'm sure I was taken back so quick because they didn't want to scare all the people in the waiting room.

This was a definent advantage to having no control of my emotions. I was taken first.

I do want you to know that even though this was probably the worst part of recovery, It has been well worth it. I LOVE MY NEW BLADDER!!!!! As I sit here and type, it is full of my morning coffee. I do not have to do the famous" dance "while waiting at check out lines anymore. I can take a walk around the block without asking someone-anyone to use their bathroom! I have finally given up my panty liners and it feels wonderful!

The next part of my journey will be the countless ER visits and the sudden fear and panic I experienced.

That has a happy ending too. I have found out that for every bad experience we go through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

April 18th

After leaving my doctors office I had to do alot of thinking be cause he also gave me the option to try Lupron shots for 6 months to see if the endo would stop spreading. I had never heard of endometriosis, so I went home and learned as much as possible about it. I found out it is your periods that keep it going so it was a no-brainer for me. I was done having my family and I was done with all this pain. I choose the hysterectomy. When I went back in to talk to the doctor, he said my ovaries would have to come out or he would not do the surgery. Wow another stubbling block. I wanted to keep them so I didn't go in to menopause. There was no choice now. It was either get rid of the pain or menopause. I of course was told it was not a big deal without the ovaries. I would get estrogen in 3-6 months and then I would be fine. I did not learn anything about hormones prior to my surgery just endometriosis.
I still remember the day of my surgery waking up soaking wet. My doctor came in to check on me and I asked him why I was so hot and kept sweating. He said you are having "hot flashes" I could not believe 3 hours after my surgery I would already be having them. Ok I said only 3-6 months of this and then I will get estrogen. I can handle it.
I never researched all the different synptoms of menopause either. I thought a few hot flashes some mood swings and that was about it. My mood is always ok and the Hrt will take care of the hot flashes, just hang in there. Well when I was leaving the hospital, I was crying like a baby because my husband brought my pink nightgown instead of my blue one. I was not attached to any of my nightgowns, so why did it matter? I still to this day don't know why. I never use to cry. I was one of those strong people. All of a sudden I would cry over everything. Ok-only 3-6 months of this and then I get my estrogen. I can handle it.
I know I have scared my daughter to death about "menopause" she is convinced she will never get old and be like me. The day after I came home from the hospital, I asked for a bowl of shredded wheat. I hated them by the way, but for some strange reason I needed shreadded wheats. My hubby gladly went to the store and bought them and my daughter proudly made my breakfast for me. When she handed me the bowl of cereal and I went to take a bite and I was mortified because she brought me a little spoon for my shredded wheat. I started screaming at her "I can't eat this with a little spoon, I need a big one for all the milk" Now normally I use a little spoon to eat. That day I had to have a big one. She didn't quite understand what the big deal was and said so. I then started balling like a baby again because nobody would bring me my big spoon. WOW talk about mood swings. I had no control anymore. This was bigger than me. I think I must have repeated the phrase at least a hundred times a day"only 3-6 months of this and then I get my estrogen"
What I still didn't know was, I needed more than just that estrogen I had been so patiently waiting for.

Hi all,
I am so excited to share my experience with everyone. I will start out by saying that I had a TAH/BSO at the age of 34 for severe endometriosis and a bladder repair. I had let my female organs go for quite awhile due to I guess lack of knowledge.
I use to joke with everyone that by the age of 30 I would be wearing depends diapers just like baby. I was right! I had such a weak bladder it was a standing joke with my friends and family that I couldn't go from one side of town to the other without stopping to pee. I just thought it was from my kids sitting on my bladder for 9 long months.
I was also one of those lucky girls that use to never know when my period was, because I never had cramps, 3 days later it was over and that was that. Well they started little by little getting worse. Some cramps here and there, alittle more bleeding, they started lasting longer. I just chalked it up to "getting older". I let that go for 6 long years.
Boy was I wrong!!! When I finally got enough sense to go to the doctor it was to late. They said endometriosis. My bladder was so covered with it they had never seen a worse case. I was told it had probably gone through my bladder and I might end up with a catheter for life. WOW I was fine yesterday. Luckily it didn't penetrate through, but part of it had to be removed. I thought your kidding. I can barely go 10 minutes now without a bathroom stop. How will I survive with only part of a bladder? Then I was told a hysterectomy was the best thing to do to stop the endo from spreading. I thought great- NO MORE PERIODS!! NO biggie! Oh how little I knew. If it was only that simple. I didn't realize what lie ahead.
I will get in to the lovely world of my unbalanced hormones later. That is where I was the least educated!

HI Kathy, I really wanted to respond to your e-mail. I do not know if I am a
> good writer, but I do know I have a deep desire to help everyone who is
> struggling with their hormones, bodies and emotions after surgery. You here at
> Hystersisters have saved my life and I would like to give that back if
> possible.
>
> I had a total abdominal hysterectomy with removal of ovaries and cervex. I
> also had part of my bladder removed due to severe endometriosis. I was 34 at
> the time and the surgery was in Feb of 2002. I was given the decision to try
> lupron shots for 6 months or a hysterectomy. I wanted to keep my ovaries but
> was told my doctor would not do the surgery unless they came out. I then had
> to decide if that was the right route to take because he also said no
> estrogen for 3-6 months. I decided that living with the pain of endo was
> taking over my life. I would cancel vacations because it was "my time of the
> month" I was missing work, I was mean and grouchy because I HURT! I could not
> enjoy being intimate with my husband because of the pain. I thought it was a
> no-brainer to have the hysterectomy. I was done having my children and I
> didn't need my uterus anymore. What I didn't know was all the horrible
> menopause symptoms I would encounter. I decided on the removal of everything.
> I came home after three days in the hospital with a fully cathetar attached
> for the next 14 days. I remember right after my surgery my doctor came in to
> check me and I was dripping wet with my first "HOT FLASH" I could not believe
> that within hours I would have them. I left the hospital crying because my
> husband brought my pink nightgown instead of the blue one. To this day I don't
> know why it mattered what color it was. I went home and then my life consisted
> of learning how to get around with this catheter hanging from somewhere it
> didn't belong for the next 2 weeks. At exactly 1 month after my surgery I
> experienced a full blown panic attack. I thought I was going to have a heart
> attack and die, so I immediately went to the ER room. They did every test
> possible (stress test< EKG< 24 hour holter monitor) and they decided I was
> fine to go home. I did survive and fully recovered and returned to work in 6
> weeks. My doctor said no HRT and then informed me I was to have lupron shots
> for 3 months to clear up any remaining endo. Then I could have my estrogen. I
> started out on cenestin. Gained 15 pounds in 2 months had sore calves to the
> point of being in PAIN again. I decided to go off of my HRT because at that
> time that was when the media stopped their survey in the study they were
> doing. I again thought I was fine and stayed off HRT. We moved to a different
> state just a few months after my surgery so I was in search of a new doctor.
> Anyway, My anxiety increased to the point that I was having daily panic
> attacks. I lost 30 pounds in 2 months, I did not leave my house any longer
> affraid I would die in public. I was a mess!!I then tried premarin, could not
> tolerate the headaches, so I was switched to estrace. That helped alittle ,but
> was still experiencing this horrible anxiety. I was put on every anxiety
> medication there is because the doctors refused to believe it was hormons.I
> was told it was all in my head that it had nothing to do with hormones. I
> must have "ISSUES" I was told to see a counselor, which was a waste of time. I
> did not need counseling, I needed the right hormones. I made my second trip
> the the ER room and was told I was not going to have a heart attack. That
> these were heart palpitations from Low estrogen. WOW why wasn't I told that
> before.I even had one doctor tell my I was suffering from "UTERUS SEPARATION"
> I saw countless doctors because I knew this was my hormones. I finally found
> hystersisters through my search and started asking and listening. I was
> directed to a compounding pharmacy and then to a wonderful doctor who checkes
> my hormones through blood work. I was on the estrace but my levels of estrogen
> were so low I might as well have been on nothing. We went over all my symptoms
> and decided on a topical creme of bi-est/prosesterone/testosterone. Within 2
> days I actually slept all night for the first time in over a year. Within 2
> weeks I was feeling so well I could not believe it. The anxiety was gone(even
> though the anxiety medicine never got rid of it) the panic attacks stopped. I
> started eating again and desiring my hubby for the fisrt time in 2 years. WOW
> A MIRACLE!! My dry skin stopped itching. My brain fog was so bad I relied on
> sticky notes for everything. That went away with my new HRT. My bladder
> urgency stopped. Which I just thought I had to live with due to part of my
> bladder being removed. My dry itcy eyes cleared up. I went from mean to loving
> again. I was my old self only better because I was no longer suffering from
> the endo pain. I know I have scared my children into thinking menopause is a
> horrible experience. I have tried to let them know in life there is always an
> answer. It took alot of patience and alot of you wonderful sisters to get me
> through my dark depression of this surgery and the emotional roller coaster
> ride I was on. I thought I had made the worst decision of my life having the
> hysterectomy., It turned in to the best decision I made once I found an
> informative doctor and loving women like there are here. If there is any way I
> can help someone else work through this, I would like to help them. I need to
> give back what I was given. I am sure there is more adventure I have left
> out, but will be glad to share it with anyone I can.
> From a sister whose name was TROUBLE TABBY when I found you, but would
> like to change it now that I am not troubled any longer.
>
> Shera Ainsley
>
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>