I wish I could play my guitar. I think it would feel really great if I could make some music, but my guitar is large and I think it would hurt to try right now. My father bought me a guitar when I was 12 years old. I taught myself a few chords and used to play in church, but that was about it. Still, I carried the guitar with me wherever I went and pulled it out about once a year to play the few songs I knew.
One particular day, when I was about 31, I ached to have some catharsis. I had begun dating again after a long, lonely relationship, and the dating world was frightening to me. I longed to play the piano, which had always soothed me during stressful times, but I didn't have a piano. I picked up my guitar and played the few songs I knew, but they weren't enough. I wanted to voice my own pain, frustrations, etc. That was the day I wrote my first song. That was the day I discovered my Voice. I have since written several songs and I used to perform in little venues until the pain of my endometriosis became too great and I couldn't. That is one of the things I look forward to doing again someday when I am healed.
Moonchime and I have discussed her granddaughter's agoraphobia. One of my cousins has suffered from the same and a few years ago I wrote a song for her. Of course, the song is the story of my cousin's birth & life and progression to agoraphobia, but I wanted to share it anyhow.
This Play
married in the park one day
she wore a silver locket
and a crown of daisies on her head
they built a yellow house where they could play
where they could play
years went by; those were happy days
they bought a farm in the country
with a garden and a pony
they made a little girl who liked to play
she liked to play:
London Bridge is falling down
My Fair Lady
London Bridge is falling down
My Fair Lady
as her mom grew weary of their simple ways
she moved the little girl to a townhouse by the bay
the girl missed her father
and wished that they could play
under her quilt where she would pray
she said, they think I’m resilient
but I’m aching every day
if life’s indeed a stage I don’t want this play
London Bridge is falling down
My Fair Lady
London Bridge is falling down
My Fair Lady
the girl grew up and she moved one day
she bought a house of her own
where she locked herself away
she couldn’t come out
she was afraid to play
afraid to play
London Bridge is falling down
My Fair Lady
Won’t you please come out to play
My Fair Lady
My Fair Lady
My Fair Lady
************************************
I still remember the first time I played the song for my cousin. I've been known to give my friends "bathroom concerts." This is when I write a new song that I haven't recorded yet, but am excited to share. I go to the bathroom where the acoustics are good, shut the door, phone a friend and play to my audience of one. Anyhow, when I first played this song for my cousin she cried and said, "How did you know that I used to lay under my quilt and pray?" That's what I love about writing and especially for me about writing songs. Words can provide a catharsis that can be so healing.
To Moonchime's granddaughter and anyone else who suffers from agoraphobia, or who knows someone who suffers from it, I hope that you can resolve your fears.
~ Clementine
|
s~Moonchime