| The Road to Recovery
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06-17-2004 - 08:23 AM |
I want to make sure that I continue to record not only my day to day emotional journey, but my physical one as well. There is a good possibility that I will one day have to have my remaining ovary removed and I would like to be able to reassure myself that it's okay when my healing is slow. Not to mention the fact that others out there may be going through the same thing and gain solace in the fact that they are not alone.
I continue to feel a little better each day, but this does not exclude the fact that I have days where I can hardly stay awake. I don't know if this is a result of the healing process or the pain medication, but I presume it is a combination of the two, and I willingly acquiesce to my body's demands. Yesterday, I was reading the Hystersisters book and got to the part where the "Blossoms" discuss the common occurrence of bleeding after two weeks. Not more than a few hours later, I noticed some fresh, pinkish blood, and have had a slight brownish discharge ever since. I think it has something to do with the stitches healing, but I'm not concerned since my doctor told me it would be normal to bleed intermittently during the first six weeks. He said not to worry unless I started to bleed a lot. "What's a lot?" I asked, and he replied, "like a period." Well, I feel like I'm getting a period; crampy, sore... of course, I know this will not be happening!
Unfortunately, I relate to other things written about in the book as well. Tuesday night when I went to my DS "W"'s violin recital, I pulled out one of my "expanding" skirts (I usually secure it with a discreetly hidden safety pin in the waistband at whatever size I happen to be). Well, the skirt required no pin whatsoever!!! I've been existing in my DH's boxer shorts and t-shirts during my recovery and have even felt sort of "slimmish" with my legs bared and my toenails painted. What a harsh crash to reality!  The scale has stayed the same, but who cares if my clothes don't fit? Guess it's that "swelly belly." Too bad I didn't save my maternity clothes! 
Last night was my favorite kind of night. We slept with the door to the sleeping porch open and a rainstorm settled over our town. The sound of the rain falling through the leaves of the trees, and the feel of the occasional damp breeze was so relaxing. It was even a pleasure to go to the bathroom, where I could hear the tapping of the rain on the skylight.
Today, it remains cloudy and cool and I am hoping for more rain. I love rain. I think my years of being without rain when I lived in Tucson have made me appreciate it even more. I remember when we would get the occasional monsoons there and everyone would run outside. It was the craziest thing; rain was such a rarity there that people actually wanted to revel in it when it happened. The monsoons were fantastic, flooding the streets and pouring from the sky like a great ocean being emptied all at once. If you were away from home, travel was dangerous, but in the safety of your home it was a grand sight.
It's not really a surprise to me that so many of us want to be writers. I mean... hello, we're all writing  ! We are writers, naturally and instinctively, whether we desire to publish or not. It does help explain why I enjoy reading so many of the journals; they are like daily chapters of favorite novels that I read a bit of each day and savor. Each book has a different name, like "Moonchime," or "icare4bunnies," or "empresse," but they all belong to the same volume. To answer empresse's question, I do not know what type of novel I'm writing! I have done research all year about American history; especially the pioneers. I would like to write either a young adult novel or a romance novel; something that has a decent market for publication. It's an idea that continually takes shape in my head, but is not yet ready to be put down. It is the wine seasoning in the oak barrel; almost ready, but not quite. In the past I've written two and a half novels and several short stories, but I only once attempted publication. I will know when the time is right (no pun intended  ). I would also like to explore selling some of my songs. I have no desire to be a travelling folk musician, but there is a good market for songwriting, since most of those "name brand" musicians don't really write their own music. I like performing my music occasionally, but would be happy to make royalties from other people singing my songs.
Thanks, Audrey S. and icare4bunnies for your kind comments about my house. It's a bit of a curse, being so over-obsessed with cleanliness. I often wish that I could be one of those people who live in comfortable clutter; there is a reassuring creativity in that, there really is. I enjoy visiting the homes of my friends who are carefree like that, but in my own home... well, we shan't go there...
Jeanette & gemsab, it's reassuring to hear your comments about your own darling husbands! It's true that it is much better to be with a clutterbug who is a kind and good man, than to be with a neat freak who is an unsupportive boor. I'll take my man, squirrel piles and all, any day of the week!
Super babysitter "K" is hot on the potty training mission this morning. Yesterday, poor babyE experienced her first 'accident" in her big girl underpants. They had been outside playing ball, and I heard babyE's screams as "K" carried her inside and up the stairs to the bathroom. I think the sensation scared her, poor little thing! We helped her into the bath and then I cradled her naked in her towel until she calmed down. It comforted me that when in crisis it was still mommy who she turned to. There really are times, for all of us, when only mommy will do.
~ Clementine
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| jeanette
said at 06-17-2004 - 08:47 AM |
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Clementine-
Just a quick note....I love the way you write, it's so eloquent. Just lovely. Your description of rain left me speechless. Don't ever give up your dream of writing a novel.
Jeanette
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| lostinCanada
said at 06-17-2004 - 10:43 AM |
Clementine,
What a lovely journal post. Thank you so much for sharing your world with all of us. Your love of writing shows in each word.
I had to smile when I read about hearing the rain on your skylight when you have to go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom several times a night (I have ever since I was a small child even) and I also love hearing the rain on our skylight. Thunderstorms are a favorite and it is often that J will wake and find me gone, come looking for me and find me wrapped in my favorite quilt sitting on the front porch watching the lightning and listening to the thunder and pouring rain. There is just something about a storm, indefinable and wonderful.
Thank you again for sharing your world and your day with us. I so enjoyed it.
 s
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| Moonchime
said at 06-17-2004 - 12:55 PM |
Clementine--Your words brought back so well the monsoon season in Tucson. In October 1983, we actually became an island for a few days. The rain had poured for so long. I loved it so much!!!
Yes, that "swelly belly" is the worst, isn't it? I've lost weight since the surgery, but I can pull out something where the waist band used to be loose--but now fits tighter. It's that dreaded swelly belly. I can tell that it has gotten smaller though. Hopefully, it truly will go completely away.
Keep writing, Clementine. You'll get published, yet! s~Moonchime
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