| Questioning My Career
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06-12-2004 - 06:27 PM |
Today in the mail I got the copies of the course evaluation sheets that my students filled out. I feel so upset right now I don't even know what to do. I taught two classes in the Spring: one honors section and one regular section. I loved both of my classes and thought that everything went exceptionally well. All semester I fought my disease, and I had to try extra hard not to take out my pain on the class; I thought I did fairly well. I made sure I was on my medication during class so I wouldn't hurt. I loved my students, especially the ones in the regular class.
The course I taught was an art class for non majors. I have taught a similar class at the University of Arizona and also at a community college in Illinois which were both much much harder and more involved (with textbooks, 3 tests & a final, plus art projects). This class had no textbooks, but I required about 10 hours per project (there were 5 projects for the semester: one in drawing, painting, printmaking, ceramics & weaving). The final project was to make a book (I taught them how) demonstrating their knowledge in each of these media. I designed it to be fun, but I had expectations that the students be in class every time (or bring a doctor's note) and that they do the work (I counted effort and participation as much as talent since, after all, they are non majors). I taught in the "all glass" classroom so all the other profs & the head of the dept and other students were constantly passing by and the feedback was incredible. I had other students not in my class complain to the head of the dept. because they weren't learning some of the things I taught during my class. I have worked very hard during my career to become a good teacher. I have designed ways to teach people who never thought they could draw to draw. The outcome this semester was particularly AMAZING. One of the best ever.
So I was incredibly surprised by the course evaluations done by my honors students. 6 out of 16 students said I was not only a poor instructor, but very poor. They scribbled hateful comments on the backs of their forms about how I expected too much and how a 100 level course shouldn't be so hard, and they took the class so it would be an easy A. They said I was too hard, always late (I WAS a few minutes late many times). And they wrote stupid things too. One student wrote that it was wrong for me to require a doctor's note, saying "What if I had to get an abortion?" And another said that he spent more money on art supplies for my class than he did on drinking for the semester, and he used to go to AA. These comments were so horrid that I don't even know if I can teach at this school again. And I was just offered a 2 year Asst. Professorship there! I had many students say they put in more work for my class than any other, blah, blah, blah. More work than a microbiology class? What kind of teachers do they have?
And to think that I thought they were PROUD of their work. To think I thought they LIKED me. I don't understand. This is a state university; of course there are expectations. I'm getting the feeling that this is a bit of a blow off school. I had some students tell me privately that they were glad that I had standards and didn't let the students walk all over me, but apparently they were in the minority. On a brighter side, my regular class said very nice things. 88% of 24 students said I was very good or excellent as an instructor. But even some of them complained that I am too hard. I don't get it. I went to college. I took classes. I don't expect any more from my students than I was asked to do. Have things changed that much in 10 years? Should their classes be a "blow off" or more easy when in the end they might achieve the same degree? Aren't there standards anymore? Has college become the new high school?
My DH told me not to be upset. He's an educator too and said it's not me; he said they were probably worried about their grades and venting (they all ended up getting great grades in that class because they earned them!). He said he's noticed the same arrogance with students not wanting to work for their grades. I have students who think that just because they pay tuition that they should get a passing grade; as if that's enough! I feel so utterly and completely disillusioned. DH said that one of the reasons the college probably wanted me full time is to try to raise the standards, but I don't know...
The ironic thing is that I've always had phenomenal evaluations at every other place I've taught... high school or college. The one thing I could always feel good about in my life was that I was a good teacher and my students liked me. I took so much personal pride and satisfaction in that. Now I don't know anymore. I feel like I was such a fool, walking into that classroom every day, thinking they liked me and were enjoying the class, when the whole time they were in cahoots about how much they despised me and thought I was unfair. I LIKED them, and the whole time they were talking about me.
This is such awful timing. I've been doing so well with this recovery, so well with my mood, looking forward to my new job this fall, but this has really winded me. I feel like I got socked in the stomach. 75% of my students in the honors class thought I was fair or worse as a teacher; how can I ignore THAT? And they were the students who I thought would be the exceptional learners, giving 110% in everything.
I'm sorry to vent here. I'm trying to keep it in perspective and listen to DH, who says they are just spoiled kids venting because I made them work for their grades. I wish you could see the beautiful work they created because that makes it even harder for me to understand. If I had a teacher who inspired me to create things I didn't even know I could, I would be thanking that teacher, not spitting venom at them. And they DID thank me. I had private critiques with each student at the end of the semester where we reviewed all their work, and each and every one acted like they liked me and the class and were happy they took it (this was just 2 weeks after they wrote the evaluations).
I wish my DH was here to give me a hug, but he's working until midnight so I have to wait. I don't want to be crying right now. I want to celebrate my recovery and feel good. ~ Clementine 
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| Moonchime
said at 06-12-2004 - 06:56 PM |
Clementine, I feel so bad for you. It sounds to me as if the students may well just have thought that since the paid tuition, they "deserved an easy time of it."
Please don't let it upset you anymore than it already has. One thing I know for certain in this world,--no two people view things the same way.
I'd be more worried if they liked you too much. Then, it would seem that you didn't challenge their creativity. It sounds as if you did challenge them. They will some day thank you when they go out to find their own way in the world.
I believe you are no doubt in the correct career!  s~Moonchime
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| copswife123
said at 06-12-2004 - 07:05 PM |
Clementin....I could just scream for you. I know as an older student that alot of "children" take the 100 level classes for the almighty easy A. I had a wonderfull music teach, yes I took music because I thought it would be easier for me and I need an A. Anyway, our teacher was part-time as I believe you are, and never started class on time. However, she told us that she would always be 10 min late. Well when the first test was given and over half the class failed it started to get ugly. We had 35 registered in class and only 15 would show up. She lectured, assigned reading and gave study guide. Test was all lecture and reading so those how did not come failed. Long story short most of her evals where horible and I don't think she got asked back. If you were asked back the powers that be know the "score" Good luck and big, big, big s Anna  P.S I agree with Moonchime
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| icare4bunnies
said at 06-12-2004 - 07:46 PM |
Clementine,
I tell you, I have 2 friends teaching at Murray State (married couple, english prof and math prof) who could really really relate - and I'm so sorry to have to say it!! Both absolutely great, smart, kind, generous, amazing people - and if I hadn't known I was reading your journal, I would have sworn I was reading an email from one of them! (The wife, R, especially.... math/computer/web page building)
Honestly, any "honors" student who expected an "easy A" would be suspect in my eyes. Not very honorable, to say the least. Here's how I see it: get an A in tough classes you can have the title "smart" ; do your best in ALL classes treating your teachers and fellow students with respect and you get the title "honors".
I was an art major in college. I have my "BA" in studio art. Your class sounds like sooooo much fun, I wish I could have taken it!!!
It just makes me so mad to hear about students who WASTE such a wonderful learning experience and treat their hard working teacher with such DISRESPECT!
ooooooooooo 
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| PraireLakeLady
said at 06-13-2004 - 09:09 AM |
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My heart goes out to you.
I think you are correct-you are at a party school! A lot of students now are in the "I deserve an A without doing anything for it" mode. I first went to college in the late 60's and it was very hard. I went back in the late 70's and it was very easy. Either I got smarter or college got easier-maybe alittle of both. But I was amazed at how much complaining and whining the students did. And how they would argue and show a lot of disrespect toward the professors.
It is very difficult to get bad evaluations from students. When you knock yourself out with preparations, with thinking about the students, with all the time and effort, you want everyone to love that you cared so much. I used to get evaluations with all A#1 A+ and when I would get a few B's or negative comments I would fall apart.
You know you did a good job. You know they learned and created. What you don't know is that they will have those books the rest of their lives and show them to everyone they see. They will talk about how hard they worked and how they actually created something they didn't know they could. And others will tell them how much talent they have and wow, they wished they could make something like that.
I had a group of Girl Scouts once that told me I was way too strict, and made them work too hard when camping with all my "projects" and cooking and fire starting and knot tying things. You know what? When they were in high school they nominated me for a "Friend of Youth" Award and I won it! They complained a LOT ALL the time, so I was floored. They still send me cards and it has been almost 30 years!
You will never know the wonderful things you have done and the lives you have changed. Give it some time, you sound like a wonderful teacher. Take the job they offered, and go in with a vengeance. You are making a difference, they will grow up and see that in the future.
PS. I wish you could teach me-I am terrible at art-and my grandmother was an artist! PPS. I am terrible at math too, and my grandfather was a math teacher! tee hee.
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