why dont MEN UNDERSTAND?

Just kinda shook my head when I read some of these posts.. wow!

Um to answer about walking in anothers shoes.. no we are all individuals and make the choice as to what we allow and do not allow in our lives.. if we do not like the choice then it is up to us to change it..

I was one of the blessed one's.. my husband actually researched and then did more research about the surgery, aftermath ect.. he made sure he was informed. He is the one who told me about this site, and encouraged me to come in and read and join in on this site, gonna add in the BIG BUT here tho ..without me communicating to him how I felt, my fears.. when I felt blah no preparation in the world would of helped him to help me.

We control our own lives and destiny's. I have to add in that these men did'nt suddenly become like this.. we know our spouces and what they are capable of.. this is where planning come's in..taking responsibility for our own well being and peace of mind. If the hubby is'nt up to the task then start calling family and friends and asking for some help!

Katilynn

This is an interesting discussion for sure. To those of you with great husbands/partners, CONGRATS. For those of you dealing with insensitive (and in some cases it sounds like emotionally abusive) husbands/partners, you have my utmost sympathy....been there done that and am very happy that I will be blissfully alone whilst laying in bed recovering! s to all!

Thanks Ladies for all the wonderful advice.
Just to you let all know I do love my other half, even tho he can be a PAIN!.
I think I will keep him around as a pet, I liked that one, I thought i was cute.
I told him today that he can put more clothes on and that I can only take so much off, so he agreed to do so, and also put another blanket on him.
Thanks Take care all
Tammie

I don't mean to offend. I understand that there are some really creepy people out there - but they are both men and women.

I'm in my second marriage, and my DH is the finest this world has to offer. I have nothing bad to say about him, at all.

However, my first marriage was just plain stupid. I was stupid because I chose to marry him, even though I knew he was a creep. He was stupid because he only married me so he could walk all over me. I understand that there are creepy husbands, believe me. I was abused in many different ways before he finally left. I look back and I'm so grateful he left, because I'm a very dedicated person, and I just stick with what I start.

Anyway, understanding both sides, I also understand that there is always something we can do to at least try to improve the relationship. If he doesn't understand, I can figure out why, and try to work through that so he can learn to understand, without making him feel like an idiot. Nobody likes to be made to feel like an idiot. Communication does go both ways, and someone has to start. If we expect it to always be our husbands who compromise, no one ever will.

I'm just saying that it 'takes two to tango', or any other cliche you'd like to fit in here. If a relationship fails, it is rarely the fault of just one of the partners. There is always the possibility of sitting down with our DH and trying to find a middle ground where we can understand eachother. Try not to be angry. Try to be understanding. Try to be compromising. Try to make your marriage work. I promise it is worth it. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Again, I have no wish to offend. I want you to be happy in your marriage. I want for you to be friends with your husband, to grow old hand-in-hand with him. That isn't always possible, but it is definitely worth the effort.

Way more than my two cents worth, but that is just in my nature.

Work toward happiness -

Ruth

Just really felt like I had to add something here after reading all these posts. My DH and I sat together and read through all of these and we laughed and almost cried at what some of you are experiencing.

Marriage is a compromise. Saddly it seems that it's us.....as women.....who usually make most of the compromises. I'm personally going through a ton of emotions since my surgery. I've had some set backs and minor complications. It's been a struggle for me everyday. Prior to my surgery I believed that I had been the one making most of the compromises in our relationship but let me tell you all something........the day of my surgery I woke up to my DH sitting there holding onto my hand. He had the nurses bring him a cot into my room so he could be there if I needed him.......I woke every hour in pain waiting for the nurse to bring in my "happy needle"........all the while with him right beside me............all the while he was suffering with a flu.....that I didn't know about.......and had a temp of 103. The next day when I finally realized how sick he was I made him go home.........he reluctantly left but friends returned to take his place.

He had been taking care of me, our house, our kids, etc ever since. This man doesn't sleep until I do, he wakes before me to make me coffee......yes ladies, he is perfect.

When I find myself getting annoyed with him because he's being over-protective or "bossy", I just remind myself that it's only because he loves me.......and we talk about it.

Communication is the key. I'm not very patient and I do cry a lot. But I try to remember he has compromised alot of himself so willingly to help me through this (even though he doesn't really understand what I'm going through).

Do I get frustrated? Yes. Do I get angry with him sometimes? Yes. Do I want to scream and vent? Yes. BUT Do I love him and appreciate him and want to tell him that everyday? YES YES YES.

Hang in there ladies.....if you love him.......then he's worth it!

Good luck to you all.

AWWWW com'mon !!!Can't anybody take a joke??? Nobody loves men more than ME,And nobody has probably loved as many men as me!!
That was another joke BTW...Take a pill ladies!!!
Dawnie_uk-Thank you for the PM.You and Your husband sound like a really funny couple that finds humor in every day life drama's and I find also that You gotta laugh at life many times to get you thru a situation ---And sometimes,to get your point across a good, witty little fun one line "zinger" as a come back will do more to get your point across than all the other angles combined..Guess That is my prefered form of manipulation....That was a joke too-
How cool that your husband found humor in the post instead of reading it wrong.. Im sure he laughed his butt off!!!You know and I know, that was what we were going for!!
And thats what we all should be doing is getting thru this recovery/life change thing that we have been thrown into with as much kindness,humor and STYLE TOLERANCE for each other and situations with out overreaction.

Dear Sisters,

This subject is one that will be ongoing through the ages. For our purposes here we need to look for the good and figure out how we can help ourselves through our recoveries and help our dh's to understand our needs and us theirs.
There are several good sites on the web where you might find help with some of the issues that have been raised.
Here are a couple that might help-

http://www.drphil.com/

http://marriagebuilders.com/

I hope you all will find your marriages growing. We all learn as we go.

's, Rita

I always respond to the question "how do I make him understand?" by saying that it is counterproductive to think that you can make anyone do anything. There are some wonderful men out there, and there are some that aren't. People are what they are. By the time we women take men in, they have already been molded and shaped by their families, friends, and teachers.