SO is so tired of this

I'm 11 weeks post, and my SO is really tired of me not feeling well. Last night we just *had* to take one of his co-workers out sailing. I told him I didn't want to -- that I'm tired when I get home from work and the last thing I wanted to do was go out and entertain. His response was that I wouldn't have to do anything, and that he'd decided we were going. The guy we took out is an exxperienced sailor, so he was able to help out a lot, but after we dropped him off, the boat still had to be washed, covers put on, etc.

When all that was done I just wanted to go down below and have a glass of wine. He came down a bit later and told me that it was time I quit "babying" this thing. I got mad, told him I wasn't babying it -- that it hurt. He got ticked off and stormed out for about an hour. When he came back, we talked for a while -- basically, he thinks I need to "push it", that my muscles are sore because I'm not excercising.

Any suggestions on how to get him to understand that I still hurt? I still get swollen in the evenings -- can't even wear my jeans because I'm still sore. I think because I started doing a little bit early, rather than "making" him do everything (he was such a whiner about after I was home for a few days), he thinks I should be back to myself by now. I wish that I were too, but I'm not.

I really feel pretty good most of the time, but I'm just tired of having him get annoyed at me because I sometimes just want to lay around and rest.

Hey I thought I was the only one with that problem. My DH thinks since I am now almost 6 weeks I should be up and doing as I did before. I still feel really tired of the evenings and even though I haven't went back to work yet, I teach, I am tired of the evening and I don't do much around the house as in housework. I pick up things but I don't run the sweeper etc. My DS will be going back to college soon and my DH will be even worse . But I have decided to just let all the signs and mumbles and the I think you've played this enough just slide off my back. I just either don't answer or tell him well it isn't you now is it, so you don't know how I feel. Hope it helps to know someone is in the same boat, pardon the pun, as you are.

Women are World Wonders

Dear jaybird,

I'm so sorry that your SO doesn't have a better understanding of hyst recovery. The way you are feeling it TOTALLY normal, and it's NOTHING to do with "babying yourself".

Please tell him that a GYN who does over 20 hysts a week states that it takes at least 6 months to a YEAR to heal totally from this surgery.

If you REALLY want to impress him with what a big deal your surgery was, have him talk to your Dr., or at least, request a copy of your operative report from your Dr's staff. You are entitled to this. It will go into ALL the details of this very complex surgery, and it will show the great deal of cutting and stitching that went on in there.

When I read mine, it was SUCH an eye-opener! Really, your SO needs to be fully supportive of you at a time like this, and do anything you can to enlighten him so he can understand.

I didn't begin to get MY energy back until at least 4 months or so, as many others here have said similar things.

Insist on what you need to rest and recover properly in the meantime. Don't put up with being badgered to do things before you're ready!

My very best to you...

Linda

Hi Jaybird, I also hope that your SO can start to understand what you are still going through. My DH has been great, so I've been lucky in the respect. Right now I am 20 weeks and 3 days post op. I feel great, but I still occasionally get weird little twinges in the area near my incision. These usually come on days when I know I've really done too much. I take these as a sign to rest a little bit with my feet up. I truely think the 6-8 month time frame that so many of the sisters talk about is true. I don't seem to have any real restrictions now, but I can still tell when I've overdone it. Listen to your body. It will continue to talk to you.