Family Minimizing Surgery

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Originally Posted by deetzah I have my Lap.hyst. on Nov.13th I am really being pressured by my sisters (one of which is flying in from the west coast) to visit for Thanksgiving. My sister wants to pick me up the Sunday before Thanksgiving: only 9 days after my surgery. I also have fibromyalgia which may make me a bit more tired than if I did not have it. The home I would visit is 2.5 hours away by car and is noisy(4 young, energetic boys) with frequent arguing by my sister and her husband. In addition to schlepping my shower stuff back and forth, trying to get some rest on the twin bed I would have to sleep on (I have a king at home), and climbing the long staircase to my shared room, my sister is not very understanding of my recovery needs. She seems to think it is silly that I am even on a support site (because I don't have cancer) and says that a laporoscopic hyst. is just a minor surgery. This is ironic since she is a doctor!! The other sister is against me having a hyst. at all and says if it is what I should be doing than all the pain will go away after the surgery and I should be fine! Sheesh! My sisters are kinda drama queens about everything that happens to them but minimize anything that happens to me. In addition, there is no wifi and no TV (very basic cable and the kids usually watch it), so nothing for me to do. We do have a lot of fun together sometimes and I love them very, very much but I always end up regretting visiting because of the negative atmosphere. My 2 sisters are always the attention getters in the family and I am always the one who is quiet and just tries to stay out of the line of fire when they start arguing. I guess I just feel like I could use a bit of understanding and most of all rest after my surgery and not someone telling me to suck it up cuz I don't have cancer and should just get on with things. Anyone have any advice on how to handle family members who minimize the effects of surgery? I suppose I am really just whining but I just need to know that I have a right to rest and recover and I am not making a "big deal out of nothing". Thanks for reading my very long post! Lol.

If it were me, I would stay home. Nine days post-op is still early in your recovery, and you don't have a crystal ball to look into to see how you are doing. I myself am on day 11, and have been back in the hospital since day 9 with complications. Regardless of your sister being a doctor, my belief is that no one can ever put themselves in your shoes unless they fit! By that I mean-no one can tell you what to expect or how to feel unless they've gone through the same thing! Your sister probably hasn't had a hysterectomy, and even if she had-everyone's experiences are different!
Take care of yourself now-deal with the insensitivities after.

Take care.

It sounds like your offer for them to come to visit you after Thanksgiving is a very reasonable offer from you. You need to keep your priority on healing and resting.
Good luck with all of the family and holidays! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
-Hugs!

Oh dear. I got tired out just reading the description of what the visit would be like.

Stay home.

You won't be up to all that after only 9 days, especially with unsupportive family. The drive will be too much for you by itself, not to mention the rest of the visit.

If you need to, get your doctor to tell you to stay home and then tell them that it's doctor's orders.

As I've read on this wonderful site many times, "you only get one chance to heal."

You are your number one priority. If anyone tries to minimize what you are going through, ignore them, including your family.

STAY HOME!!!!

Take care of yourself, and get the rest you need/deserve after having major surgery. There is no way I would have gone on a trip 9 days post-op. Your sisters sound very selfish and unsympathetic on top of being drama queens.

I sometimes read the stories and feel a bit guilty as I had TAH due to heavy, painful, lengthy and erratic periods, not for any serious medical issue. However, it's my body and it was effecting my quality of life. This is the time when we have to be a bit selfish and make decisions in our best interest.

My op was 23/ Oct, nearly 2 weeks ago. My pain is minimum, but the tiredness is shocking. Mum took me to the Mall yesterday, 10 minutes later I had to sit down!

Come the evening I am achey and tired. I have joined the family at the table for dinner, but headed off to bed straight after.

Socialising is not on the agenda!

In short......Don't go. I truly believe your healing progress will be hampered. Rest at home. The journey in itself will be a nightmare.

Sending you gentle hugs.

Hi Deetzah - I had daVinci and am 2 weeks post-op now. I can tell you that there is no way that it would have been good for me to make the trip and be in the environment that you describe. The external incisions may be smal, but it is still major surgery and organ removal on the inside. Take care of yourself and don't feel pressured into doing something that is not good for you or your recovery.
Sending hugs and support.

Please take care of yourself, first and foremost. It sounds like your sisters, while I'm sure you do have fun and love them dearly, can be rather pushy and insensitive. This could be the turning point in which you stand up for yourself and let them know there's a new sheriff in town, and that you WILL be respected.

The comedian Roseanne Barr used to say that PMS is the one time a month a woman could be herself. I've sort of been feeling like that about my life since I've had my hyst. I have a good life, marriage, etc. but suddenly I just don't feel like I need to tolerate anyone's BS beyond the level that they tolerate mine. This is your time.

I know how you feel sista! Just Say No!! LOL! I really mean that! It's scientifically proven that people (especially those with the "MeMe" Syndrome) don't like to argue with NO. Your Health is much more important and you don't want to end up in the ER with an extended recovery! They will have to get over it! "When you have these guidelines firm in your mind, you can make a more realistic plan. If you try to do this on the fly, you are more likely to be influenced by your sister’s emotions at the moment. If you set the boundary ahead of time, you can keep better control." Good Luck!!!! Stand Your Ground!!!!!

Ha,
I am one of 5 sisters and I get it so well. Like everyone says, stand your ground and use your doctor as the grumpy third party that sets the rules.
Yesterday, someone told me that i shooooooould be able to drive my standard truck after a week post surgery. I can hardly push the clutch now with the knife stabs in my sides. I think that people are really well wishers but a little naive about these procedures when they have not had one. I just held my breath and said something like, I don't think so.........
Good Luck and to the post about the fibromyalgia drug seeker, gee whiz, hope they don't get fibromyalgia.
Look for the fibro thread, i got some good pre-op info and asked for different treatment prior to surgery so they will try to keep my arms by my sides during surgery, use a nerve blocker at the ends of the stitches and start me on pain meds with the IV.
Good Luck with your procedure and Thanksgiving.
Cheers, L

Unbelievable how everyone else seems to know so much about something they have not experienced. An LAVH is not just a "minor" surgery. THey still have to cut everything out. You just don't have the big scar on the outside. Believe me, the insides are still very sore and you need a lot of rest, not to mention the effects of pain medication and the turmoil you will be throwing your hormones into. Stay home, be thankful, watch parades, and have a Happy THanksgiving without the drama! You deserve it.