Question about your Significant Other

My husband seems supportive, will let me talk about details, feelings, whatever I want, but hasn't asked any questions or done any research on his own. I'd like him to WANT to be informed, but maybe MY AGENDA is not what he wants...

Well I have to say I am very blessed, you learn alot about your spouse when you go through difficult diagnoses. My husband has been to all my appointments thus far, I gave him permission to ask my doc questions that he had, and he did. He even asked questions that I had not thought of that were very important. He has let me talk to him about everything and anything and has even asked me questions about how I was doing. He has been my ROCK and he has done so much around the house. Even today after being off restrictions for lifting he still ran the vacuum for me. I had told him about picking up a child and still feeling discomfort and that I was going to be careful and he took it upon himself to vacuum. I could have done it, and would have, but WOW he has been great. I just wish I had learned to appreciate what a great husband he is a few years ago. Just a word of advice to anyone preparing for surgery, get as much house work done before hand and get everything caught up so the work load will be easier for whoever has to help later. I started cleaning like tornado a few days after my diagnoses knowing that I would end up having surgery, and other treatments if needed. I wanted to be prepared, and now its easy keeping the house up. Good luck with your upcoming surgeries. I wish you the best!!!

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Originally Posted by 1003Princess My dh just wanted to know how long before I could have sex again...... Oh, and he pointed out that I was having abdominal surgery NOT oral surgery.

OMG, that so sounds like something mine would say! I can't believe I haven't heard that one yet.

What I did was order the free hysterectomy booklet - the "What 100,000 women know about hysterectomy" on this site, and I left it next to his recliner where he unwinds each day. I wasn't sure he was reading it unitil was gone one day and I saw it in his lunch pail so he could read more at work. A couple of ays beofre the surgery, he sat the children down and explained that I ws going to need rest and help and as a family we would rise to the occasion. He was also the first to call my doc 4 days post op when I was struggling to see what he should watch for and how he could help me with my bathroom issue.
I'm just saying this because sometimes our guys want to "fix" us and make us better - they get concerned and try to avoid what they can't (Not all guys of course). They sometimes ask friends whose wives have been there or even their moms when we don't know. Just try to make your needs known and have info around they can pick up on their own. One night while lying in bed about a week pre-op I told my DH that I had such a strong urgency to plan and prepare and talk about all my fears and the details - I told him if I could get it all off my chest, I wouldn't be so afraid. That was when he told me that he was there and if I needed to talk about it until the sun rose, he would do it. He didn't fall asleep either.
It's okay to be worried and scared, and this is a great opportunity for working on communication with the ones we love. Keep trying.

I wish I could talk to my husband more. He just doesn't seem to see where it is any big deal and doesn't know why I am so edgy about this.

I never really talked to him about much of my problems previously so he doesn't see why I even need to have this done. But, anytime I tried to talk to him about my periods, cramping, pain, etc., he would just talk about how much HE hurt from working a REAL job, and that I should just take some motrin and exercise and that would make it all better.

So, I just quit mentioning anything and dealt with it. So, now that I have decided that I can't just cope anymore, he doesn't see what the big deal is. I guess that is my fault for not informing him more.

Please don't think that he is a complete jerk, because he can be very nice and caring alot of the time, but is totally weird when it comes to me having any type of pain. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that my mother is a chronic complainer that ALWAYS has 10 time more wrong with her than anyone else, and he is afraid that I will become like her.

I tried telling him the other night that once this was done and I was healed, it would likely take care any complaints I have and that I was really looking forward to feeling good again. He seems to think that "female" problems only affect you a few days a month and the rest of the time things should be great, so he doesn't understand why I feel like crap for three weeks at a time.

Plus, his kids live with us and I am not comfortable having a conversation about this with them around, and they are ALWAYS around. By the time they go to bed, he is sleeping, so I sit here and read more on the forums alone.

All the kids know at this point is that I am having some kind of surgery. I haven't told them what and I don't think he has either. I don't really know how to approach it with them.

Sorry for the long post. I'm feeling pretty stressed today, and he is already asleep, so I guess I'll take another Ativan and try to get some sleep at some point tonight.

Pednor,
My DH was great. I will advise you to take it easy. If possible, try to stay on one floor for the first couple of weeks. Don't even think about assisting with the cleaning. My floors needed mopping and my house needed dusting. My DH did what he could. I never criticized b/c things weren't done as I would have done them. Thing is, you have to take care of yourself as best as you can. Maybe your DH is just scared and that's his way of showing it. Hang in there. Things will be ok.

funny....just a like a man!

My dh really stepped up after the surgery he has been so helpful always telling me to go sit down and rest. I think it had to do with my doctor showing him the pictures of everything right after I got out of surgery. I'm so happy that he has been so helpful afterwards.