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Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible?? Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

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Unread 12-20-2009, 10:41 AM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Ladies, haven't had time to reply earlier. We are having a snowblizzard overhere and it took me 6 hours today to drive from my sisters house to my own (100 miles)!! Unusual weather for the Netherlands. It looks like we might have a white Christmas and that is something I cannot remember we had in a long long long time!

But thanks again. A lot of useful information is shared (I have been looking at gigi's mimi's and lots of other very curious looking toys )

I have experienced myself that the best position is indeed from behind. It is not painful. However, for one reason or another, whilst this was one of our favourites before the surgery, it seems like my DH doesn't get his satisfaction out of this.

I am going to look into the information Tauruslady posted. And will ask my gyn/onc about what Blueheron wrote. I never had heard this before.

Big hug from a snowy white Netherlands.
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Unread 12-21-2009, 09:00 AM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Hello again. My remarks are specific to those of us who had surgeries because of cervical cancer or precancer issues. We have HPV, and HPV never goes away. It lies dormant in most women.

I am gathering from a number of different conversations on the subject that most doctors (including oncologists) will not quite tell patients not to continue being sexually active. Penetration, however, can cause additional damage to vaginal walls, and this can create a location where HPV can become active again.

Another cite that some readers here might wish to go to is the site hosted by the National Cervical Cancer Coalition. There is a thread over there that some here might find of use to read.


And here's another discussion on the same site.


Sexual activity can evidently prompt problems to occur. That was why I was offering simply a word of caution to those who might have had surgery for cervical issues. When I was first learning about these matters, I read some reports on a physicians' website that confirmed the findings of the women on this other site.

Wishing everyone here good loving, good living, and a future of stable health.
Unread 12-21-2009, 01:48 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Blueheron, I am looking into your information right now. Funny thing is that it is a Dutch pathologist who did a lot of research on this topic. Never had heard about it before though. Thanks!
Unread 12-23-2009, 02:04 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Ladies, I need to chime in here as I am 6 weeks post hyst. Had the daVinci procedure and have healed fabulously physically. I now have all this FEAR of sex and that I don't even want to try again. I had endometrial cancer and my onocologist/gyn did a total hyst, tubes, ovaries and 15 lymph nodes. I have my post check up this Monday, the 28th. I'm scared to death. My pathology reports were negative yet I have all this fear in my brain that now I "have" cancer and even though its gone --- it might come back some day. I think this is normal even though in my head, I know she got it all out. And the lymph nodes were negative.

Well my onc wants me to take 3 low - dose radiation treatments sometime beginning in January. So I am REALLY teriffied of sex after that. I know my DH might be understanding. We have not even talked about this subject --- its like the white elephant in the room. I admit our intimacy has not been great the past months and so taking this surgery break was no big deal to me. So for 2 months prior to surgery we were very sporadic, I had spotting and stuff and didn't feel like it. THEN they discovered the endo metrial cancer and had surgery and now almost 7 weeks post op - so its been like 3 months at least??

When I go to to my check up on Monday, I imagine she will tell me I can try sex - but I don't WANT to. And then when I have the radiation tx in January, I KNOW I don't want to.

Other info --- I am 58 and my husband is 10 yrs older yet he is still willing and able - they never get tired of "it"!! LOL As far as I'm concerned I don't care if I EVER have sex again. And don't know about the other ways of giving him pleasure, I sure he will be up for it but I don't even care about it.

Can any of you tell me how to approach this subject with my husband without hurting him??? I guess are we doomed to being good friends the rest of our life?? It IS sad isn't it??

Unread 12-23-2009, 03:07 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Hi Laura,

that is an interesting question that you ask.

You know, in the first place: you are still recovering from your surgery and you are awaiting radiation. You have probably had a total shock when you found out you had cancer. Totally understandable that you don't feel like having sex.

I can also imagine that you decide for yourself that you don't want to ever have sex. Though it seems to me too that your fear of sex is maybe also a fear of cancer. But can you decide this on your own?
The thing is, your DH seems to want it and that is understandable too.

You write you haven't talked about it. I'd do that and explain to him what your thoughts and feelings are on this subject and then listen to his thoughts and feelings and see if there is a way you can meet each other. Maybe you can find other ways to be intimate in ways that good friends don't, even if it means not having sex as in penetration?
Or if your fear is that your cancer might come back by having sex, you could consider condoms.

I suppose you throw away the child with the bathwater if you decide never to have sex again without exploring what other possibilities there are to meet each others needs.

Try to work it out with your husband. If he is understanding there will be a good chance that that will happen!

Unread 12-23-2009, 03:14 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

That is great advice. It does break my heart when I read women going thru all this. It is hard to approach the subject, the way I did it in the beginning was, I just did it like you rip off the band aid to get it over with. I was lucky, and he surprised me and was receptive to talking about it. I still do my best and try given the circumstances.

You still have alot on your plate as far as dealing with cancer. And I totally understand how sex is the last thing you want when you have been poked and prodded down there and now going to go thru rad treatments. Totally understandable that you don't want anything wandering down there that might cause pain or bring back the painful thoughts of cancer.

I do hope you get along with your treatments well and that your husband continues to be understanding and helpful.
Unread 12-23-2009, 03:54 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Thank you all so much for your replys so fast! Yes, its still new only 7 weeks post surgery and I'll see my doc Monday. I know this feeling is normal, dealing with the uterine cancer and now 3 rad tx in January. I just feel he has waited so long and been so patient. I feel guilty about the no-sex thing.

I am sure that I fear the cancer return even though they got it all. I read all the stories on here about the pain and hurting during sex after hyst for years and years. I'm scared to death! Don't even want to try!

I'll talk to him about it and I "think" he will be understanding. We will just have to find ways to have sex without penetration because I just don't want to go there right now! He will probably be fine with that option as long as I'm fine with it. I hope he doesn't get mad at my feelings that I'm being ridiculous to feel this way. I'm worried about my hyst, worried about sex, worried about radiation and now I'm worried about his reaction. Its just too much!!!

Any more advice, send it my way. thanks!
Unread 12-23-2009, 04:10 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

I bet he will be very understanding. My SO told me that he didn't care if we ever had sex again because he could not stand the thought of me not being here and I do believe he was being genuine because I sat and watched a grown man bawl his eyes out when I finally opened up the situation to be ok to talk about. I think he needed that and to be able to express how scared he is. It will take time and eventually you will find that you can ease back into intimacy. But now, concentrate on your treatments and healing. And I bet he will want the same thing.
Unread 12-23-2009, 04:39 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

I think you have gotten very good advice. You are still early in your recovery and dealing with the mental aspects of cancer as well as the physical. It is a very big change for a lot of us. I am 56 and I bet I can count on 1 hand how many times I have "done it" this year. It is really sad as prior to surgery we were quite active. But I bet if it came to a poll, most DH's would rather have their spouse around even if it means some abstinence than the alternative.
Best to you...
Unread 12-23-2009, 06:08 PM
Re: Intercourse after a radical hysterectomy impossible??

Well, I've read all the articles and there seems to be no definitive proof that intercourse and damage that may be caused by it causes a recurrence of HPV or cancer. I understand the fear, but I think I would not decide to forgo sex for the remainder of my life. I will, however, make sure the Dr. assures me I am totally healed and will always use plenty of lubricant and will be sure he knows he must be gentler than before. I have only been married to my second husband for a 1 1/2 yrs although we have known each other romantically for 7 yrs. I was previously married for 24 yrs and first had problems with HPV 20 yrs ago so I think it was laying dormant even though I had a LEEP and Cryosurgery in the past. So my ex who probably was carrying it had nothing to do with my recurrence and I really do not believe I got a new type from my new husband! I was not being sexually active often either when mine came back as I was not seeing my husband very often as he is in another country. We all have to do what makes us feel most secure, but abstinence just does not make me feel like I am protecting myself from cancer.

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