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Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned) Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

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Unread 04-20-2012, 09:21 AM
Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

I am only 3 weeks post hysterectomy, I know many of you have no children, and will not be able to birth and I do not want to upset anyone.. but I need to get this off my chest

I had another 12-15 childbearing years in me, I am still in my late 30s and I have a pregnant teenage daughter.

Prior to my operation I was very excited and supportive of her,
Now I look at her swollen belly and my breasts ache for not having the opportunity to nurse again ad I feel funny pains inside imaging or remembering my pregnancies and the kicks and stuff.. knowing it will never happen to me again.

She has asked me why I seem so cross and angry lately and I cannot explain.
She has the same medical issues I have and her obgyn has warned her this is her only chance at pregnancy and not to attempt to have any more or she will be at great risk like me and my mother... she is high risk birth and there are a lot of dangers for her to give birth as well.. so even though the pregnancy is progressing well so far ..she isnt out the woods.
I don;t want to rain on her parade and be sad while she gets the only chance to be pregnant ... I am angry maybe because she is so young and doesnt appreciate it.. especially as it was a drunken party pregancy, not planned or longed for like many sisters here who have ached or lost or not ever been able to consider pregnancy..

Its so hard. .. I donlt really type this for the hugs, I want to know that I am not a cow for suddenly being angry or jealous or whatever it is I am feeling...
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Unread 04-22-2012, 07:46 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)


I think you are going through your own grieving process. Anger, jealousy.... they are all part of the process of loss regardless of the type of loss. It is easier IMHO to focus the anger on someone else. I did, and sometimes still do the same with my mom, who is alive at 98 but my husband passed away almost 3 years ago at 64. I feel that who whoever thought that was a good plan, didn't get it right. It isn't fair to my mom, but I can't help what I feel....
Yes it is hard....but I don't think you're bad for your thoughts..... They will pass but they will also certainly pop up again and again. Don't beat yourself up but allow yourself to grieve.....
Unread 04-22-2012, 09:04 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

I want my womb back... even though it was faulty and defective...
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Unread 04-25-2012, 12:37 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

I am a year and a half past my hysterectomy. I hate my husbands best friend because she is all glowing and round and happily pregnant. I am 25 and feel the same as you. I wanted more kids and its not fair to any of us. What you feel is ok. There are more os us out here that understand. Hugs
Unread 04-25-2012, 06:37 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

The reason why I feel bad is.. because I am 39 I have 'done' my time with kids I mean I will be a granny soon. But I dont feel it.
and feel bad you you azfogqueen because you were so young .....
Unread 04-25-2012, 06:39 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

spinflyer... I wonder why we grieve some body parts and not others? I don't really want my appendix back..
Unread 04-26-2012, 01:33 AM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

Smishy you would feel bad regardless of your reason for feeling angry and jealous. What you need to recognize though is that this is completely natural. Your hormones are regulating themselves and you are now grieving for your lost fertility. Of course any reminder of that is going to be difficult for you.

I have never had a child. I have been pregnant before but miscarried. My last miscarriage was in 2005 and a friend of mine became pregnant shortly after. I tell you I was so jealous I couldn't see straight. My own maternal desires were never particularly strong but for some reason this really bothered me. I of course felt terrible because I knew that if she miscarried I would blame myself for sending out toxic vibes.

Ultimately I got over it and you will too. Just give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself. Your body just experienced a major shake up and needs time to recover both physically and mentally. by the way I have never experienced appendix envy either
Unread 05-02-2012, 06:44 PM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

Your feelings are normal. I had my hyster April 4, 2012, but had a similar situation 6 years ago with 2 of my children. I had my tubes tied years and years ago and had no plans of having any more children. 6 years ago my teenage son got his girlfriend pregnant, 2 weeks later my unwed 20 year old daughter told me she was pregnant and she didn't even have a steady boyfriend. As we don't believe in abortion both babies were brought to term and I love them both dearly. When they were both born ( within 2 weeks of each other) they lived at my house and I remember those same feelings your having coming to surface. I longed to be the mother of a baby again. I got over it, and you will too. Being a Grandma is a great gift and I am now so fortunate for these two little Grand kids. I would not have had it any other way.
Unread 05-03-2012, 01:14 AM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

I will take being a grandmother on board.
I am also feeling a bit better..
Unread 05-11-2012, 12:08 AM
Re: Jealous or upset about pregnant daughter. (warning babies mentioned)

Smishy you gave me insight into something that bothered me over the years. I got pregnant when I was 19 years old. When I told my mother she said she wanted her own baby, not to be a grandmother. She had struggled for years with endo and had to have a hysterectomy at 42. Even though I had my own hysterectomy 8 weeks ago, it never really clicked how much heartache and grief she must have felt at the time until I read your post. Thank you.
I just know if you're anything like her you will make a great grandmother because you still value your motherhood. I think my mom took all that love and focused it on her grandson, and we were the better for it. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

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