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Relationship problems from lack of libido Relationship problems from lack of libido

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Unread 11-19-2009, 09:48 AM
Relationship problems from lack of libido

It has been almost 4yrs since my total hysterectomy and whatever sex drive I had post op is completely gone and it is really starting to cause problems with my relationship.

DH tries to understand and says that he does but there is NO WAY he can since he's not the one experiencing it. I haven't been on HRT because honestly I am scared to death of the high risk for breast cancer that goes along with it. I do have an appointment to attend a seminar on Dec. 3rd about Bio-Identifiable HRT. I hope it gives me some hope with this situation, but in the mean time the stress I'm experiencing because I don't want sex constantly like he does is about to drive me insane.

I've tried to explain to him that it physically causes me discomfort when we have intercourse but it doesn't change his desire to do it so I give in and deal with the discomfort. I haven't found a lubricant that helps at all, they just make a gooey mess. I guess the worst part of it is we used to have a fantastic sex life and I really really enjoyed having sex and all the stuff that goes along with it and now I could care less if he ever touches me intimately again. I am tired of crying about it and wonder if I wouldn't be better off alone and letting him find someone who can love him in all the ways he needs.

I do know that if I had known 4 1/2yrs ago what I know now I would have dealt with the endometriosis pain and never had the surgery, because living like this totally sucks.
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Unread 11-19-2009, 09:37 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

gunnersgal -

Have you discussed vaginal estrogen with your doctors? Vaginal estrogen doesn't go systemic like other HRT. I am using Estrace and it has helped immensely. I'm also on some testosterone for libido.

I hope you find an ansewr.

Unread 11-21-2009, 12:31 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

I'm almost 8 months post op. My libido is now about a zero on a 1-10 scale. I have a GREAT DH and I feel really badly that this is such an issue. On top of that I also have vulvodynia (constant burning) and am taking meds for that. I have an appt. on Monday with my dr. and plan to ask about taking some hormones because a libido of zero just isn't going to work long term!
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Unread 12-01-2009, 12:01 AM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

Gunnersgal I feel what your feeling. I posted earlier today almost the same thing. My DH and I used to have a very active sex life and it definitely is an important aspect of a marriage. When all else fails feeling that closeness and intimacy is so important. I like you could care less. I too have pain and it just feels like a chore now. I roll my eyes and do all kinds of things in hopes that it goes by quickly. Now my DH and I have grown apart and I know it's not just because of intimacy but other things. Physically I feel good but the thought of never having a intimate relationship just is kinda of a bummer.

I hope you find some answers.

Unread 12-22-2009, 07:37 AM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

I totally understand this entire thread-My libido IS JUST NOW increasing a tad bit. I actually WANT to do it sometimes. Hopefully, it isn't too late for my husband to STILL want to do it, since I haven't wanted to for so long, which sucks for him. His patience has worn out. It seems like it took FOREVER but I would say that my sex drive is 10% normal and increasing. Good luck everybody.
Unread 01-05-2010, 06:19 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

I had my hysterectomy 4 years ago exactly. My libido started to disappear late last year. It is driving me nuts as my husband and I used to have a great sex life. He has been really patient but I don't know how much longer that will last. I asked my doctor for a blood test to check my hormone levels but she doesn't think that's necessary.

I guess DH and I will just ride it out and hope that things improve.
Unread 01-09-2010, 07:50 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

I am with you girls. I am 5 years post op and my pain with intercourse has just gotten worse. I go to Dr Tues and hope for some vaginal estrogen. Please Please let it work! We have not been intimate in months as it is just to painful! Hang in there everyone!
Unread 01-13-2010, 05:04 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

I'm reading this thread and crying because it's exactly what I'm experiencing. I'm coming up on the 2-year anniversary of my hysterectomy due to endo. I also had my left ovary removed but kept my right one. I didn't notice a decrease in libido until last March. Then a few months ago all physical pleasure I get out of sex dried up as well. We don't have health insurance right now so I don't know what to do, or even if anything can be done. I've had such horrid reactions to synthetic hormones in the past. Having no sex drive is just so unusual for me, and it's depressing. But it's nice to know I'm not alone.
Unread 05-07-2012, 08:10 AM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

Oh dear, I hoped mine was just a passing phase, but it looks like nearly everyone else is in the same boat and I can honestly say its the worst feeling in the world.

To have to have the hysterectomy in the first place is bad enough, because regardless of being menopausal age, its still taking something away even if it is because of the pains and problems you were suffering. There was definitely a sense of loss for me.

Both my ovaries were removed and I kept my cervix. I too have experienced the burning dry sensation when "relenting" to sex, and I say that because, the passionate "want" has gone. I used to have such deep strong surges before the op, and I feel as if I have been numbed completely. There is absolutely no urge or interest left, self pleasuring or otherwise - I feel like a freak!

My hormone levels came up when I went to see a specialist about my thyroid, as he was trying to say I was overactive, but I fought that one, no way was I going to take medication to slow down my metabolism which would render me overweight for sure... and eventually after more tests, he had to agree my thyroid function was normal - so luckily no meds.

However, as can be expected at this time, my hormone level is out of kilt particularly having no ovaries and fighting not to take HRT since my hysterectomy - its such a delicate balance, and I believe each one of us has a different receipe, which makes prescribing stuff unbelievably hard for the doctors who really havent got a clue (or not many of them do).

I have read and been told that the burning sensation is apparently due to lack of oestrogen and about a month ago in desperation -still having such bad flushes and the burning sensation, I agreed to try a very low dose in the form of a patch. It is called Evorel 25 and is a bio-identical oestrogen only. Even though I dont have my uterus, I use a natural organic progesterone cream called NATRPRO too, as I believe this counteracts for the breast cancer scare (although doctors dont agree with this theory) so I buy it online as they wont prescribe natural progesterone.

Out of the two, the progesterone cream is the one I trust and have been using it for 18 months, its early days with the patch, but I do feel a difference in that it doesnt feel quite as raw down below.

I still dont feel like having sex but I am hoping that this will eventually improve in a few more months, if I perservere with the lowest dose oestrogen patch.

Its surely worth a try ... I just hope that my comments help anyone else with the same problems as me. Good luck xx
Unread 05-07-2012, 05:37 PM
Re: Relationship problems from lack of libido

There are bioidentical hormones that more closely mirror what the body produces. I know that Estrace is one of those. Since I can't do a patch or any other type of systemic estrogen I was glad that I could do vaginal to improve the local tissue health. It has done wonders for the tissues.

The libido now that part of the depression is lifting it is better...not what it used to be but also maybe part of it is acceptance and working on finding the "new" what works.


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