I didn't have the benefit of this site before my hyst,(I found it 3 weeks post), but thankfully I kept so busy with my family and music work that it kept my mind occupied, so your move may be a blessing in that regard. You have the advantage of support from this site as well, which is NO SMALL THING!
Recently, another sister asked about doing Thanksgiving dinner a couple of weeks after her hyst. The replies were unanimously, "NO!" I don't know where you live, but some great suggestions involved ordering the dinner in advance from the deli dept. of supermarkets or even restaurants. We did this one year, ordered from the "Honey Baked Ham" place. They had side dishes, the WORKS!
Your say your mother is not the "helpful type", and you probably will not have the energy or inclination to take this on. Besides, you'll have all the other concerns that go with having company at your house. Plan ahead so you don't have a major stress-out situation, which is the last thing you'll need!
If you take a wait-and-see approach, it might all be upon you before you know it.
No, it may not be as "traditional" this year, but SO WHAT! As others here have said, it is the family being together that makes a holiday, not where the food comes from! I think once you plan for this, you will feel very relieved.
If family members object, remind them of WHO is undergoing MAJOR SURGERY only 3 weeks earlier!
Just my 2c worth...
My very best to you...