I KNOW I LOOK WELL BUT !!!!!

Darn it why does everyone think because you can walk standing straight up and look "normal" that you are COMPLETELY healed ???? DH is telling me house needs cleaned up and to do a job I have asked him to do for HIMSELF for the last two or three months today !!! I know he is the one working right now and under a lot of pressure (we are also at the moment supporting our son and his family, paying their rent and bills) but darn it my six week appiontment isn't until tomorrow !!! (He also just came down with a cold so he doesn't feel well
Since I haven't had any major problems in recovering I must be now able to do all. I know I have been doing too much, mostly grocery shopping and some cooking since my caregiver (75yr old mil) also came down with a bad cold ( she spent two wks in hospital in the spring with pneumonia and broncitis verrry sick) she could not do these things. I have also been donig some washing. We need signs that say " I am feeling much better Thank You BUT INTERNAL HEALING IS NOT YET FINISHED" I still can feel pulling when I pick up a slightly over weight grocery bag. I don't mean to sound like a whimp and I really don't complain very often but why can't he understand I only have one chance to heal right and this IS IT. Maybe we should moan and complain more about how well we feel, then maybe they wouldn't expect so much from us. Perhaps we should take DH to pre-op (after first seeing what dr will say about op) and have him tell DH what to expect and exactly what we should and should not do or push or pull or lift, and for how long. Sorry for the long vent, but this has been building for the last couple of days. May GOD BLESS YOU ALL. Swift healing . Happy holidays.



[Edited by NanaLin on 12-04-2000]

Ah, don't we all wish healing was swift? But it is not. It just takes what it takes. I know it must be hard on you right now, and hard on everyone around you it sounds like.

You will feel better every day...or so...ha. You will be able to do more. Why not ask for more time from your husband? Can you say that you know he is frustrated, but that you are doing exactly the amount you can do...and you do want to do more but just can't right now. Tell him it is hard to make what you can and cannot do a sore spot...so maybe you could have a time out for a few more weeks while you heal. You sure don't need an extra sore spot! Ha.

Take care...hang in there.

I just do not think they understand! One min I have a loving husband who does everything for me and the next he makes me feel like I am makeing it all up! Last night as I was getting ready to go to church I started crying because we had a little tiff over my son when he told me that since I could not pick ds up yet I needed to go back to his moms house so she could babysit me! That hurt and it hurt even more when he asked if their was any thing I could do around the house beside sit with my feet up!

Then today he helps me make supper would not let me lift a pan off the stove and helps feed the kids and got the baby dressed for bed and lifted him in the crib before he left to go to work

My biggest problem is he tries to compare this operation to the ones that he had when he was 11 years old and his apendex burst! He was in the hospital for a month and had 7 operations but, he was a kid and His mom took care of him when he got home...and she takes good care of sick people I should know she put up with me and my two kids for two weeks and would not let me do much of anything!! Thank God for MIL's like her!!

Hang in their we all have to fight for the right to heal...just know that you can come hear any time and find loving women who know what you are going through!

Hear is a big cyber ((HUG)) and a prayer that your husband will be better at understanding!!


bye,
steph

I feel for you girls.....men are like helpless babies.
Well most of them anyway.
I am apprehensive about my husband and what will go on here.
When I broke my foot two years ago and was bedridden for a good 2 wks and home for 4 wks, he drove me crazy!!!!

Our families are so use to us being the caregivers and doing it all that they are helpless.

The only way we are going to heal is if we take care of ourselves and let the house go and the laundry pile up and
ask for help!!!

hang in there ladies.
I go in next week and I am having thoughts about what will take place in this house

Thanks Everyone

I do know that I am not alone. I thank the Lord for this site and all my wonderful sisters. No matter what, we will all recover sooner or later. My MIL is great a did not let me do anything until she got sick....then what was I suppose to do? Let us go hungry? DH will do alot, but hates to grocery shopping and you never know what unedible bargin he will come home with soooooo we don't send him to the store. I say once again this site is GRRREAT!!!!! Where else could you ask a question or vent and someone will be here to help. Just to knowing we are all here for each other is more than enough. Who could understand better than someone who has been there done that??? We must keep up the support for each other. It may be the only thing to keep us sane at times. May GOD BLESS EVERYONE OF US. Swift healing to all. Happy Holidays.

Hi all,
I know what everone is talking about. My DH has been surprising me. I guess I need to ask more often for his help, not just now but when I am "healed" as well. I was making dinner last night when he looked up from the paper and asked what I was doing, making biscuits, he flies over to me side and takes over, then he makes the gravy and gets the kids to help with the rest! I have not had this much help from him since we were first married 23 years ago. I did something stupid back then and shooed him out of the kitchen, thinking that it was a "womens" place, I have been trying to get him back ever since, maybe this is it! He has done some major housecleaning for me, stepped in and had the kids pitch in and has taken me shopping(I ended up getting more then I had planned, but we needed them!) He smiles when I just sit at the computer or watch TV with him at night! I am still ready for bed early, even if I take naps at night. I have to admit that he has frustrated me as well, but I vented on paper and things got better. I forgot to mention he commutes 180 miles round trip. Thanks for letting me ramble! Take Care All.

Hugs!

The males in our lives are mostly accustom to our taking care of them - so I guess it may be fair to say (generally speaking) we created this beast.

I am fortunate that (well at this point) my husband has been helpful :inlove:. Timing is everything, and I do need to remind him that for dinner to be ready the next night, he needs to get something out of the freezer (I prepared 3 weeks worth of dinners and got them into the freezer before my surgery); in all fairness, he has been helpful with grocery shopping and laundry. I do need to prod my two sons (ages 17 and 19) to feed and walk the dog, unload the dishwasher, help with dinner, etc., but all in all, they're helpful too . I just wonder if their idea of helping will begin to wear thin as I begin to feel better. I will have to give them frequent reminders, wincing still gets a reaction and the three of them rush to remind me to rest - so far so good anyway.

We are all on the road to recovery, we just have to be patient with the men in our lives and not hesitate to speak up when we feel they are expecting too much from us when our bodies are not ready!

Keep a stiff upper lip ....

SandiJane