DH, DD miss work & school?

Hi ladies,

My TAH/BS is sheduled for 9am Feb 26/03. I've kinda told my DH that there isn't any point in having him wait around the castle until I got out of recovery as I'd probably want to sleep anyway. He is able to be at the castle by 4 anyway. I don't see the point in him missing work (we're self-employed) and worrying the entire morning. He prefers to be busy anyway.

My DD is another matter. Last year her father died from cancer, she saw him only once in hosp and refused to go back. She said she'd come to see me but I am concerned about her during the day at school. She has been going reluctantly to the school counsellor and we've been on a waiting list for a kids & teens greif counselling program since last March.

Any one have any views on this? DD says she'll be fine but I am worried. My stay will be only 3 days (Thurs-Sat)

Thanks. This board has been a god-send.

's Janet,

Have you thought about asking the school counselor what he feels might be best for your daughter to do that day? If she comes to the hospital with you, she won't be able to see you until you're in your room, and at that point you may be hooked up to alot of machines, and may be pretty groggy. That may really scare her, especially if her father was hooked up to machines when she saw him before he died. She may be very frightened that you won't wake up.

I am thinking that she may be better off to be in school where at least she will have others to talk to and a counselor to go see, if necessary. If she did not go to school that day, is there a family member that she could stay with until you are awake and ready for company?

I hope others will be along soon with their thoughts on this.

's

Karen

Janet,

My DH didn't stay with me the first day, once he knew I was alright. So, I would think your DH could keep working as long as you don't mind.

You don't say how old your DD is. I have 2 married daughters in the area who insisted they needed to be at the hospital the day of my surgery. Even though I did not get to see them afterwards, they felt better knowing right away that I was okay. They came back and visited the next day.

I hope you can get your DD into grief couseling - it really does help.

Karen's suggestion of asking the school counselor for advice is a good one.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Janet, you didn't mention how old your daughter is. I'm sorry sure dealing with her dad's death was extremely difficult. Could you and her counselor at school all sit together and discuss the situation and see if there is a suggestion of her possibly missing school while your husband works. Maybe a relative or friend would sit with her during the surgery so she isn't alone all day?

You will be fine but I think your daughter would feel better if she can share some part of this. Could she leave school early and be there when you go into recovery?

Blessings and hugs,
TC

Thanks everyone for your ideas.

My DD is 14. I'll give her school counsellor a call on Monday. DD has been going to see her as she is having a hard time fitting in at the high school, new friends, teachers etc. Same thing every time she changes schools. Lately though, she has been avoiding the counsellor. I think she's finding it hard to talk about how she is feeling. Doesn't want to reopen old wounds I guess it's too painful.

Dear Chellenme...I have not had my surgery yet either and my family, especially my two sons are pretty wound up with worry. I have always been really open and honest with them about life stuff and they have been through several losses in their lives so I just sat them down and told them the basic facts of why I was going in and what I was having done. I told them to trust me...that if there was something to worry about I would tell them and that seemed to have helped. I will also sit down with them before I go in to tell them what they can expect when they see me and let them know that they can either come to see me in the hospital or wait at home until I am back...whatever they feel most comfortable with. I think that if you ask your daughter what she would like to do and what she is at ease with she may be able to tell you herself. (My sons are older, mind you (21 and 22) but in cases like this they seem as scared as if they were younger. Please take care and I hope the counsellor will help...sometimes it just takes time to heal. Arlie.