Husband or no??

Hello ladies,
I would like to get your opinions on having your husband along for the pre-op appointments. For those of you who have been through it already, did you or didn't you and were you glad for the support? I am a fairly independent person and my husband certainly won't insist on going unless I ask him along. I'm not sure I DO want him along, but maybe it would help to make the situation more clear to him---what to expect, etc. I don't think he realizes how much this is going to impact the family and it may help.
Thanks for your opinions, you are all great!!!

This is a very good question

It all depends on how you both feel about this issue. I went by myself: my pre-op was at the castle, included all the blood tests, x-rays and an IVP and lasted 4 hours. My dh was then in a new job, was in the middle of a very big deadline and simply couldn't take the time off. Also, I like going by myself to these meetings, since I feel free to ask all the questions I need to ask, without feeling self-conscious.

OTOH, having your DH there is another way of ensuring all your questions are asked - you know: two heads are better than one Also, it is a good opportunity to make sure that HIS questions are answered and that he gets briefed on how your surgery will impact on your home life.

In the end, I guess it's all up to you.

Best of luck.

Like you, I'm fairly independent - plus my DH was really hospital/doctor-phobic (much better after my hyst). So I didn't ask him to come along. He did do a lot of reading at this site, which I really helped give us both a better idea of what to expect.

In my case, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, so when I had my appointment with the ONC GYN, my DH wanted to be there and I wanted him there. I had to decide my options, which were radical TAH BSO..or..radiation/chemo. I knew before I went that I wanted the surgery, but it was quite emotional for me just facing the diagnosis, and seeing the ONC made it feel really real, if that makes sense.

That said, I was quite comfortable doing the rest of the pre-op appts on my own, which consisted of 2 visits to the castle to have blood work, mammogram, chest x-ray, EKG and C-T scan done.

Same situation for post-op appts...1st one my DH was there with my blessing. That visit was to have staples removed and to find out the results of the path reports from surgery on the removed organs and lymph nodes. Thankfully, path reports were that all cancer was removed, so since then, I have been comfortable doing post-op visits (which are every 2 months for now) on my own.

My husband didn't go with me to my pre-op. He had a lot of stuff going on at work and really, it would have been difficult that day. But it was ok. I went in for an 8:30 appointment. Filled out papers, was sent to the lab area, where I watched a quick movie on surgery, then they took blood and did an EKG, and I talked to the nurse for a bit (whose sister had just had a hysterectomy there and was so glad, saying it was the best thing she ever did LOL). While I was there, my dad showed up to offer moral support, which was so nice! He was working in the area and arranged his schedule so he could come by. The whole thing took about an hour to maybe an hour and a half. That's all. I remember thinking how quickly it had gone while I was driving home (I had read horror stories on here about ladies being there for hours and hours). So as it turned out, I really wouldn't have needed my husband anyway. There was nothing that was told to me that would have helped him understand how much this was going to effect us all here, even though he definitely needed to hear that kind of thing. They gave me some papers to read but that was mostly about what to do before surgery and where to go when I got there the morning of my operation. I probably should have made my husband sit down here and read at this site, but I didn't. He really hasn't understood what this entailed and the type of recovery it requires. Anyway, I think it's wonderful to have moral support there, if your husband can go. For me, it worked out fine since Dad came and since the whole thing seemed to be done so quickly anyway. My pre-op was so easy! Best of luck!

Just re-reading this here and I want to say that if you're talking about all the appointments leading up the surgery (not just the Pre-op at the hospital), then yes, it's good to have your husband there for at least one of them. Mine went for the very first one, when they told me I would need the surgery. I was so upset at the idea of this operation that it was a good thing he was there because he heard things that I didn't LOL. You know, you need two heads so that you can compare notes later about what the actual wording was LOL. After that, I arranged my appointments on my father's days off since he usually comes to have lunch with me on those days anyway. And Dad would go along - just to sit in the waiting room while I went in for Lupron injections, etc. So I'd say that yes, he should be there - at least for one of the longer appointments. These men really need to know as much as possible about this surgery, even when they'd rather not know LOL...

It depends on what makes you and your DH comfortable and is a personal decision. I want to be alone during these times and my DH is squeamish about anything medical (he can't even stand to watch the dog get a rabies shot!) so I kept him updated but didn't overload him with information or ask him to go to the doctor with me. Do whatever you and your husband are comfortable with.

Excellent question.

I think this is really a personal choice, plus it depends on the situation. I went for my yearly check alone. After flunking paps for a couple years my Ob/Gyn noted that things didn't feel right. She ordered an ultrasound. I was scared. My DH went with me to the ultrasound and sat in the waiting room for support. When I came out and said I needed a D & C and some other tests - I suggested that my calendar was pretty packed at work and I would hold off a few weeks (this was a Thurs and the Dr wanted to do it on Tues). He pretty much straightened me out on that one and I had it the following Tues (scedules be ****ed).

When the results indicated surgery I did all the pre-op stuff alone. He was with me for the surgery and patiently sat in my room as I drifted in and out of la la land. I also did not want him to spend a lot of time with me in the hospital afterwards. I wanted to sleep and it gave him the chance to be with the kids, all teens, get the house straightened up, and not have to miss too much work.

If you are apprehensive DH should be with you. If you are ok on your own, truthfully there is not a whole lot for them to do other than sit in the waiting room. You will need him more after you come home to take care of you and the family.

Good luck.

Jane makes an excellent point. I agree. You need them more after you come home. I was only in the hospital 3 days. I had it done early Friday morning. So my husband was there with me from about 5:30 am until 1:00. Then he went home so that my parents could leave my house (they were there for my two kids - ages 14 and 10 since it would be a long day). That night, my husband called me and asked if I wanted him and the kids to come up. But honestly, I was so wiped out, I wouldn't have been much company. I just kept dozing on and off. So I told him to come the next day. And he did, with my kids. We had a nice visit. Then the following day, he came in the afternoon and waited around until it was time to go home. So there really wasn't much for him to do had he hung around there all the time. God yes, we need them more when we come home and need to be pampered

Hi,

I personally would not have gone to any of the appointments without my DH. He is my rock. He went with me for the ultrasound, pre-op, etc. He was there when my wonderful dr explained the options, outcome, life afterwards, etc. My DH asked lots of questions - different from mine. It was also great to sit down together and discuss everything when we got home. I forgot a number of things - when you are told you need this type of surgery lots of things run through your mind and you have a hard time concentrating.

It is really up to you whether or not your DH participates pre-op but you do have to remember, this surgery affects both of you and the better educated you both are will help in the recovery and life afterwards.

Good Luck with your surgery!

Jeeper
LAVH/kept ovaries, feel wonderful!