Insensitive Friends

I too have a best friend like that but it's not just illness that she had to outdo, it's everything. She has to have the nicest hair, nails, clothes, etc. She has had face lifts, tummy tucks, numerous breast surgeries, implants, lifts, breast reductions, you name it. She has always been that way. No one is going to change her. It annoys the heck out of me sometimes but if I want to stay friends with her, the only thing I can change is my attitude toward her. If for no other reason, I guess for your brother's sake you will have to try to get along with her.

As you can see, we are all surrounded by these kinds of people. It probably doesn't bother you as much normally as it does now with your pending surgery. I was somewhat spazzed more before. I did ask the doctor for some mild tranquilizers before my surgery and he gave them to me. I didn't take very many but at least I had them.

Good luck with your surgery and get back and tell us some more stories and let us know how you are recovering as soon as your up to it.

P.S. I love the one about making up an imaginary illness. That's a hoot! Do it!

Hi!!! Oh man, does that sound nauseatingly familar!! HA!!! My "special" person is my mother in law. She just won't "let" me be the sick one!!! I actually thought about the idea of her showing up in the hospital and told her.........and brace yourself, this is mean.......that I don't want ANY visitors while I'm in the hospital. Yea, mean, but holy mackeral, I just won't be in the mood to defend myself then.... heeheehee. It seems we all have one! Take care girl and feel free to "vent" here any time at all!! God Bless. Betsy

Fortunately my friends and family have been wonderfully supportive with the announcement of my upcoming hysterestomy.
Unfortunately my husband has not. He feels that this is routine surgery and that he has known dozens of women who have gone through it and it is no big deal. He keeps comparing me with these other women and to his mother and sisters who have had the surgery. I guess all of these women were "super women" because the recovery was no big deal and that i'm over doing it when I tell him my doctor believes my recovery will be approx 6 weeks until I can resume normal activities. Sometimes I want to scream that was them and this is me!! He doesn't think that this is major surgery. I am pre-op and i'm so scared....not about the operation but about the recovery! He wants to have his sister and her 12 year old daughter move in with us to take care of me.....she is currently going through a huge and ugly custody battle with her abusive ex-husband and, in my opinion, not mentally able to care for me the way I think my recovery should be taken care of. Again, I don't think he realizes how serious this really is and I don't know how to make him understand that!

You ladies are the best!

My best friend - we'll call her Paula, although that isn't her name - is just one of those people who.... "raises her status" by being the sickest of all - or her KIDS are the sickest. We all raise our status in some way during conversations.... sometimes we brag on our kids, some may brag about how important their jobs are/how much $$ they make, and Paula is just a walking miracle (according to her.) : )

Now, 99% of the time, I overlook this about her. Even when I had my c-section and got pneumonia and she called me "to check on me" and then proceeded to tell me how anemic she was... and how her oldest boy was "bleeding out his bowels" (turns out he had a hemorroid). I overlook it because I DO love her - and that's what we do when we love people. HOWEVER, I imagine I might be a little.... uh... on the cranky side for a couple of weeks after my surgery and I seriously doubt I'll be able to overlook any nonsense like that. Ya know?

I'm hoping she doesn't show up at the hospital. *crossing fingers*

As I said, I DO love her..... but not enough to keep from playing that wicked joke on her! (hahaha) My sister already has "my disease" in mind.... the name and symptoms.... but never fear, ladies! Everything - including my imaginary disease will be GONE, GONE, GONE after my surgery on July 9th! *yaaaaayyyyyy!!!!*
(I'm wondering if she won't have the same thing... won't that be HILARIOUS! *wink* )

I went to my ob/gyn's office today to give him $2000.00 - acckkkk did that ever hurt?!!!! We don't have medical insurance. I'm just glad we could get our hands on that much $$ at once. Anyway, luckily he was in the office area when I went in and I told him I was the proverbial basket case so he wrote me a prescription for xanax. (THREE CHEERS FOR XANAX!! HipHipHooray! HipHipHooray! HipHipHooray! )

Hugs,

Bekki

My daughter had brain surgery for a rare awful fatal type illness a few years back and I have a friend who kept telling me I was making to much of an issue about it. Its not even as important as her tennis elbow, her gutters or any other thing in HER life. Its the same again now with my upcoming hysterectomy.
I wish she would be at the hospital when i was under the influence so I could tell her how I feel when she starts up, but I'm sure she won't visit, she will say she couldn't be there cause she had a broken nail or something stupid.
This is the perfect opportunity for you to get something off your chest. If she shows up and starts up with you forget about being a diplomat and enjoy yourself. She might learn something and you could blame it on the drugs later if you felt bad?
(I'm on sedatives now too so take whatever I say with a grain of salt!!!)
Keggy

I guess we all have a friend like that.... mine came to visit me in the hospital and was going on and on and on. Finally I just giggled and she looked shocked and said "What are you laughing about?" and I just said... "I'm just so thankful that my life doesn't suck like yours!" She wasn't very pleased with my comment and then had to tell me WHY her life didn't suck and how much better she has it than me! LOL What a deal!!! I realized I felt more pity for her than anything. What a sad life!

Margie Hart
TAH/BSO June 10, 2002 (No big deal - danced to my room with the incredibly cute doctor who did the surgery! LOL NOT REALLY but I can dream!!!)

Hmmm...the more I read this strand the more I get irritated w/ my good friend, who said, "I don't think I can vist you in the hospital...". I replied, "well, hmm, I visited you when you were in for an ovarian cyst." I also let her know that I think perhaps she has fear of hosptials. The nore I think about it, the wierder it becomes, what's up with not visiting me, although she lives about three hours away and I am hoping she could come when I get home.
I am glad however she hasn't started the one upmanship that some of you have expressed...sounds like a lot of friends wear their illnesses well.

jmac

I am like that. I LOATHE hospitals.... even the SMELL of one makes me a little nauseous. And I DO avoid them unless I absolutely CAN NOT get out of going.... even visiting.

I think when our friends avoid us when we're sick is because it actually brings them almost face to face with their own mortality. Don't get me wrong.... some people are just so self-centered they can't fit a visit or a call into their busy schedules.... but others I think 1) Hate seeing us not well 2) Fear the illness will happen to them. They dont know what to say to us.... they don't know how to act around us....

The "one-upmanship" you were talking about is what TOTALLY ANNOYS me about my buddy. If my fever is 102, hers is 105. If my blood clots are as big as my fist (which they are on occasion), hers was the size of cantaloupes. Silly things like that. lol

And I feel so sorry for some of these women who have said their husbands are insensitive. I think that would be worse than anything. My DH isn't like that - and LORD HELP HIM if he WAS like that! I'd have a basket of "goodies" right beside my bed so I could sling one and hit him upside his head everytime he said something I considered rude! hahahahaha

Bekki

About laughing, and saying, boy your life *****!

I don't know about you gals, but I really don't want anyone to visit me in the hospital. You don't get much rest anyways and I always feel as if I have to entertain. I would much rather havea friend bring dinner (or lunch) over when I am home! Or kidnap my kids so I can sleep if even for an hour!

I make it a rule to not visit friends in the hospital unless they need help because they can't get any rest, I take a meal to them after they get home that they can just heat up, straighten up their house, scrub some toilets,etc. To me that is a better expression of how I feel for them.

Dear CMSC32,

I agree with you that it would be much more appreciated to have someone bring food and visit at home, after the surgery. However, I had a really hard time suggesting this to friends. It's not in my nature to be that forward with my own needs.

I was extremely lucky that my family knew what to do, without me having to spell it out for them. The ironic thing is, for me, that when I first found out the surgery was going to happen, I had envisioned not telling anybody, quietly slipping in and out of the hospital and recovering at home with just the help of my DH. I was so flabbergasted with all the help, flowers, cards and food, none of which I asked for, I appreciated them ten fold!!

Lauren