The date is nearing and I'm either freaking out or in total denial

I can't believe the date is getting so close. Oct 22. I've been feeling so good. I've been bike commuting to work. I feel my body getting strong and healthy. And in two weeks, poof* I'll be an invalid for what, 6 weeks? I'm freaking out.

It just doesn't feel real. I don't even want to think about it. I've stayed away from this message board for a few weeks. Bought a new bike instead. Won't get it until a few days before my surgery, however, such is the denial. A new bike I won't be able to ride for two months!

So many painful experiences to read about here, too. That's another reason I've stayed away. I'm scared to death of the pain. It makes me cry to read about it when I realize it's going to happen to me. I'm terrified of the needles, the anesthesia, the hospital food, trying to poop afterwards, having a big hole in my stomach, not being able to sit up or bend over, oh god and the worst fear is will I feel the incision?

Meanwhile I have to take all that time off from work. They'll realize they don't need me. I'll get fired.

Sorry for all the negativity. I'll go back to thinking about my new bike now.

Diane

oh Soini-----
You go and ride like the wind...you are gonna be one of those miracle princess stories....up and moving. I bet it takes more then surgery to keep you down. I cringed about your fibroid, and the stem... It will be over, and you can ride all 4 weeks of the month. Buy some nice white bike shorts!
We all have a down moment....it's nice to come here and vent.

Hi. Just wanted to say the unknown is always scary. I've felt some of your fears. Have you gotten a second opinion? That might put you more at ease.

Also, at your pre-op make sure you bring a list of questions and concerns that you have for the doc. I did and I felt much better after she addressed my concerns.

Try not to go to the post-op board too much. I think I've only been there once. Some post-op stories may give you more things to worry about that you wouldn't have thought of otherwise. Each person is different and you'll probably will come through this fine.

Right now I'm feeling wonderful. It doesn't even seem like I have anything wrong, but I know that my ovary has a 6.6 cm complex cyst that really needs to go. I also bleed quite heavily for 2 - 3 days during my period. I thought I could put up with the bleeding till menopause, but since the doc has to do an ab cut, and my uterus isn't in great shape, I'm having the uterus taken too. Still not sure about the other ovary. I'm probably going to have it all done at once cause I sure don't want to be cut again!

I'll tell you right up to the pre-op visit I wasn't sure if I would actually decide to have surgery. Pre-op was the best! I felt so much better after my questions were answered. I even gave my doc a big hug. She made me feel comfortable about the whole thing. By the way I cancelled surgery at pre-op because of tachycardia. I went to cardio today and they'll be running tests next week. But as soon as I've got the ok, I'm going for surgery.

Just stay on this site. Ask all the questions you want. No question is silly or stupid. These ladies are wonderful and very supportive.

I guess I was afraid until I saw how caring and competant my doctor is. I trust her fully, and I think if you get comfortable with your doc, you will be able to relax a little more.

Best wishes.

	Quote:
Originally posted by FLlady I'll tell you right up to the pre-op visit I wasn't sure if I would actually decide to have surgery.

That's how I feel, too.

I'm a really healthy person. Even with all the blood I lost when I bled constantly when I tried the bc pill option my hemoglobin count was higher than a regular healthy person. I am so scared of what surgery/recovery will do to me. It seems like it'll make me feel worse than I do on the bad days of my period.

I knew I should have stayed away from reading the posts here. I get so scared and confused. I feel bad for saying that. I'm sorry.

Thanks for the support anyway, even if I don't sound very grateful.

P.S. I have had two opinions. Five if you count the cheering section I have on the sidelines. You'd think I was getting initiated into some sort of secret society or something.

Also, my signature mentions only the fibroids, not the doubled-over cramps, the clots, the bathroom bloodbaths, the ruined bedding and furniture, the enlarged uterus...

Oh Diane..... it's like you've read my mind. (We've PM'd before.) I've been calm, cool, collected and positive as my date approaches. Today, I talked to my HR rep about the time off. I'm going to try to work from home after the 2nd week. She basically told me I was nuts. She had a hysterectomy last year and was off for 9 weeks. She shared with me the pain of pooping for the first time (after TWO weeks!), pain of getting out of bed, the catheter, etc. I walked out of there with a knot in my stomach and fear breathing down my neck. I was finally starting to "lose it." I am also very active and fit and went to the gym tonight, thoroughly appreciating being able to do so, enjoying every moment of it, and mourning the soon to be loss of this activity for.... HOW long??! Then I came home to a water stain on my ceiling. That almost did me in. I think it's a small leak at the hot water intake for my washer upstairs, but still. It's just one more thing to add to the day. I'm suddenly completely stressed about when I'll be able to work out like normal again, take ballet, walk upstairs (SHOWER is upstairs, toilet and sink downstairs - I'll be stranded downstairs for a bit), go back to work, etc.. Apparently even sitting at a computer at home seems far fetch to the HR lady. I've finally realized I need to take that family leave and just chill. My boss is behind me 100% (thank goodness, but I feel he's secretly going to be chomping at the bit wondering when I'll be back). Since I'm an analytical person, I want to know, WHAT percentage of women do well and feel great after 2 or 3 weeks?? Will you and I be those women?? Is there any advantage to being in shape?? WHAT are we in for??! Will I even be able to bend over and tie my shoes?! I'm going to try to keep it together before next Wednesday. I don't mean to barge in on your post with my issues, but I just had to let you know you are not alone in your concerns.

Let's BOTH try to hang in there!
Lisa

P.S. I will e-mail you and let you know how I'm doing as soon as I am able.

Thank you msmonih and everybody for the supportive words.

LMSSoCal, your HR rep was for you 100%. I sure hope mine is. The benefits lady was nice, but that HR lady I'm not so sure! I fear they'll be secretly putting a mark in my file "family leave taker, this one's not fully committed to us, she's to blame for everybody's insurance going up, schedule her job for India."

9 weeks, no way. My mother who is not in shape, is fat, has high cholesterol and all that kinda stuff was pushing a vacuum cleaner at 3 weeks. I think it's like climbing at altitude (which I've done). You can't train for it. You can either tolerate it or you can't. I saw a fat guy smoking a cigarette at 16,000 ft waiting for his skinny buddies to arrive.

D

I'm happy to hear someone else is feeling the same way I am!
My date is Oct 21st and I have been trying to ignore it but had to go to the hospital to do my pre-admit stuff(bloodwork, anaesth consult, pre-op teaching) so now I can't get it out of my mind.
I came home and cleaned my house, then I cleaned my car, then I weeded the garden. Tomorrow I will try a bike ride! Anything to get my mind on something else.
One fibroid is now 18cm by 12cm, the other 7 are smaller and I am sure it will feel better to get them out. I just want to skip the first couple weeks of recovery.
I like to be active, I'm not sure what it will be like to slow down as much as it sounds like I may have to.
Hang in there - we only have 2 weeks to go!

I am right there with you sisters! I have 6 days till surgery and I am beginning to get anxious. I have been kind of pretending this is not going to happen but I go for my pre admit lab work next Tueday and I am sure that will make it real for me! I know everything will be great but I am a whimp when it comes to pain. I just hope I don't have much. I am supposed to have a Morphiene pump - never had that before but I hear they work wonders.

I will be thinking of all you that are going before me. I will just be happy to be on the "up" side of surgery.

Let the healing begin! ! !