Freaking out

After years of trying to avoid having a hyst. and going through all kinds of different procedures, looks like I'm stuck with going through with a hyst. to find out if I have cancer or not. Can't find out any other way since it could be either a fibroid or a sarcoma in the wall of my uterus. You would think I would want the surgery, right? Wrong! I'm terrified that they will find out it isn't cancer and I will have had this surgery for nothing!!

Anyway, maybe I'm just being crazy but I feel like when I have this surgery, I will no longer feel like a woman. I mean, I remember back when we girls saw that "You will soon be a Woman" movie in Girl Scouts. Remember? The one that explained periods and all? And I remember when I got my first period, I thought Wow! I'm a woman now! I even remember thinking the same thing when my two DD had their first periods. So I think that if I became a woman when I had my first period, then by cutting out my uterus, I will no longer be a woman.

I am positive that I will go through a really bad emotional time after the surgery. I'm not worried about the physical recovery but about the emotional recovery. I've already told my husband I don't want any visitors afterwards...maybe not even him! I'm planning on getting a private room no matter how much it costs because I don't want anyone around me. I may not even tell my family the date of my surgery so that they won't try to visit me in the hospital.

I'm not going to tell anyone I work with what kind of surgery I am having because I don't want them to know. I'm afraid that they will think less of me because of having this surgery.

I'm also planning on spending the entire time that I am in the hospital curled up into a little ball in the bed crying. I don't plan on doing any walking in the hospital like I see from other posts.

Just in case you are wondering, my family doctor has already put me on an antidepressant and will be putting me on an antianxiety medicine as soon as I have a date scheduled. I'm also seeing a therapist to try to help me get through all of this. But I don't think any of it is helping. I just keep breaking down in tears for no reason.

Is there anyone out there who understands all of this or has went through something similar? Oh, and if you are already on "the other side" of all of this--PLEASE do not tell me that the hyst. was "the best thing you ever did". I will NEVER be able to say that myself and if one more person says that to me I will scream!!!!

So, do you believe that any female who has undergone menopause, say a 90 year old great grandmother, is no longer a woman? Every cell in her body would still have XX chromosomes, whether it's a reproductive organ cell or not...that's a scientific fact.

However, your feelings are not "wrong" - feelings aren't wrong. They may be the result of being misinformed, however.

I'm a year post-op. I did go through a few months pre-op when I was worried that the surgery would affect the relationship between my husband and me. He assured me that he didn't marry my uterus, or any other body parts. He married my caring, emotional, nurturing, thoughtful personality. Had cancer been found, if treatment had meant I would lose my hair, he didn't marry my hair either and would shave his head in sympathy/support. I didn't have cancer, thankfully.

Sure, if my symptoms hadn't put me in the pain (8 days of every month) and embarassment (from bleed-through and clots) and severe anemia (hemoglobin of less than 8 - I had to take double iron doses every day for 3 months before I could HAVE surgery), I would have rather not to have surgery. I would rather a lot of things in my life wouldn't change. But they do/have. That's life.

Please be as frank with your therapist as you have been here. If you're keeping your feelings as much a secret as you're planning to keep your surgery - then you're doing yourself a disservice because they can't help if you don't open up.



I hope that you can find a way to cope with your feelings, and make peace with the treatment your physician and yourself believe can give you better health.

Hi There!

It's too bad you are so stressed out about the surgery. It's good you are under the care of a physician and a therapist because it sounds like your aversion to having a hyst is making a huge, negative impact on your life. I hope that when all is said and done, it winds up being a positive benefit to your health and well-being.

Many s and Best Wishes,

I don't want to minimize your feelings, but are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer? It goes something like,

"Lord grant me the courage to change the things I can,
To accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Perhaps trying to think more positively, even though you don't feel that way, will give you comfort.

As for curling up in the hospital, you won't get the chance. The nurses will have you up and walking the second day whether you want to or not.

Try not to put so much thought into your upcoming surgery, and just go along with what you need to do. Perhaps reading some books on menopause would be helpful, as you would someday need to face this possibility, even if you weren't having surgery.

My thoughts are with you. I hope you find some peace and know that if there is the possibility of a cancer diagnosis, then this operation is your FRIEND.

Maybe you can find one friend who will just listen objectively, and talk, talk, talk to her. There are lots of them here at Hystersisters.

Blessings.

I think that going through menopause is a completely normal thing for a woman so, yes, if I had been blessed to not have to have a hyst. and went through menopause instead, I would still feel like a woman.

Maybe if I was having severe pain like the other women I have read about here on the site, I would be more willing to have the surgery. But after having a couple of D & Cs with laser work for the endo and a baloon ablation for the heavy bleeding, I'm not really having too hard of a time. A little painful for a day or two of my period and some pain when I bend over but I could live with it if I knew for sure it was just a fibroid and not cancer. But I can't not do anything for fear it is cancer and I die from it.

Guess I'm just one of those kinds of people who believe that if anything bad can happen, it will happen to me. I've already learned that I have to stop doing research. Everytime I saw some statement about a percentage of women who have problems, I was convinced I would be one of them!! <grin> That's one reason why I haven't peeked at the board for after surgery!

And, yes, I have been honest with my therapist in telling her I am convinced I will not feel like a woman afterwards. Hopefully, with her help and the help of the "drugs" the doctor has me taking, I can work through all of this.