Hurt Feelings

I do know what her problem is. She doesn't understand what *you* are going through and her way of dealing with it (whether that's her intention or not) is being rude. She probably thinks her reason for having one is the only reason. She's being ignorant instead of trying to be understanding (and she may never understand). At any rate, she needs to accept this is what *you* have chosen for *your* body and that is *your* choice. Maybe (she may not realize tihs either) she's doing this hoping you'll change your mind...for some reason). I've been bleeding since November so I know what you are going through and can completely sympathize with you there.

But, I want to talk about *your* feelings. You did great by letting her know that you were hurt. I'm glad she apologized. I need to say this though....feelings are *never* wrong....not yours or hers. She just needs to find a better way to express them. As for her at the hospital, definitely tell the staff *your* needs and too darn bad if MIL doesn't agree with it. It's *your* surgery and she doesn't get to make decisions.

I need to go drink my coffee to wake up....

Sending prayers and strength your way.

If you need to talk more about MILs, email me when you are up to it. I have too much experience with mine.

Robin

Maggie,
You are probably at the hospital already but I wanted to let you know that I will say a prayer for you today also. I am sending good wishes to you to be calm and just concentrate on feeling better.

Best of luck to you and your DH.

God's speed.
Mary

Maggie, if you are still there. God Bless you dear one. I think you may have hit the nail onthe head when you said the devil was using her to make things harder for you. Yes, he can use Christians to do this. Just remember that with trials come great blessings in the end and that is what this will be, a great blessing to have your life back. If your MIL had surgery years ago she may have been kept in the hospital for up to ten days and not allowed to do anything while there. She may not understand that the day after you are up walking. She may have never been told about all the internal reconstrution that is done (were people told as much back then, I doubt it). Maybe they didn't have the same restrictions back then and learned by experience what those women ended up having in complications was the right thing to do? Maybe it is like labor and later youforget just what it was really like?

Anyway. My prayers are with you as you get ready to go to the hospital. May the Lord give you a sense of comfort and peace as you get ready for surgery this morning, and keep your MIL at home if that is what his will is to keep you out of stress. May your surgery and recovery be uneventful and your pain well controlled. May your love for the Lord witness to those around you.

I don't have time to search it out but not long ago a LIW had some of the same problems with her mother. Once she had surgery the mother changed her whole attitude. May it be that way with your MIL. If not, tell her that you are doing what your doctor feels is right for you, that you want your life back and that if she can't support you then to not talk about it and that you forgive her for her misunderstanding (that would get her attention I bet). Also, under the preop hints and articles there is a section for what others can do for you and FAQ's for friends and families. Maybe your daughter could print that up for her.

s and Blessings!!!

Linda >^..^<

Possibly she's jealous of the attention you will be getting after your surgery. Some people just can't let others have the "spotlight" even for a little bit of time. Maybe she was secretly hoping to have more grand kids. Whatever it is she is the one with the problem. By the way where is Stonewall, La. ? I live between Lafayette and Lake Charles. Very best to you on your Castle visit.

My MIL was a real dragon (she passed away 2 months ago), but did have the "heart of gold" that many women of that character have. She was 93, & always impatient with other peoples pain & stress she considered a modern excuse. These women (for I presume your MIL is older than 70), grew up in harsher times, when women were brought up bare their pain (physical or psychological) without fuss. Any mention of anxiety is seen as a weakness, she may genuinely feel she is strenthenging you with her "hard" attitude.
She may also be worried that her son won't get the looking after she feels he needs while you recuperate, perhaps he can reassure her.
Older people often don't like change....and she may be frightened of that as well.
I do believe that you are right to avoid her till her hurtfull attitude changes, for you need love & compassion now.
Let DH speak to her for she seems to need assurance.
My prayers with you too

Ha!Ha!
Freudian slip!
I meant they were brought up to bear their pain, not bare it!!!
I'm gratefull we have a forum here where we can stop being strong women for our families & finally BARE our pain & anxieties!

Just to let you all know that the princess is at the castle, and resting comfortably. Thank you for takinf her under your wing as you did me in August of last year. And for the record, the MIL situation is wonderfully resolved. And Maggie woke up from Anesthesia without even a hint of an asthma attack. Thank you all for your support and prayers.

My Aunt has been the same way towards me! I too have been bleeding nonstop since Christmas and have gotten little if any support from my aunt and my DBF's mom!! They treat this as though I am doing this on purpose!! But know that your hubby and all of us are behind you one hundred ten percent!! I know how you feel and wish we found each other sooner! Good luck w/ your surgery in the AM and I'll say a prayer for you! I have surgery on the 17th (LAVH, overies too???maybe)! Let us know how you are when you can.

Well, I am home, but I do have to correct my daughter's entry. My MIL was obviously putting on a show for my husband that morning of the surgery because she is still spitting venom since then. I have stopped all contact with her. And I refuse to go to any family functions. I will not take any more abuse from her on a subject that is really none of her business anyway.
I do not know what her problem is, but she has destroyed any relationship she and I have built over the years.
There was only one complication during my surgery and that was that my doctor hit an artery going in and had to stop to carterize it. Other than that all went well.
My poor dh has worked himself to death holding down his job, trying to keep up the house and take care of me since none of my help followed through.
We have been on our own pretty much from day one, and he went and got our youngest son from Nebraska the day after I came home so that is more responsibility for him.
But, I have learned a good lesson here. I will not ask for nor depend on help from anyone again.
I have started to try to clean up some today. I just have to take it easy. I can't sweep or mop or anything, but if I do not do it, it does not get doen or my poor dh has to do it.
My youngest dd tried to help for awhile, but she is suppose to be bedridden and pleas to her sisters and others for help fell on deaf ears. They had other things to do that were more important than we were.
So, we will manage, but a word to the wise, have a plan b because a lot of people make a lot of promises until it comes down to it. You cannot count on those you think you can.

So sorry to hear about all the plans that went awry.
Please be careful with the chores. I'd rather have a dirty floor now and be healing than to have a clean floor and have to be in pain AND cleaning. Prayers to you and your daughter to be able to rest comfortably without worrying about the chores (and other people's problems).