No support after hysterectomy surgery!

Is anyone else feeling alone during recovery? I feel like my husband and children don't get exactly what I am going through. I'm so angry and frustrated with my husband especially. I need him to be understanding about my recovery and how long it may take. I should be able to depend on him to take care of the house, kids (10,15,17,18 old enough to fend for themselves really) and to check in on me more than twice a day.
Instead, my house is a wreck with loads of laundry, dishes piling up and stuff thrown around everywhere. I can't even stand to leave my room it's so bad. Today, I found a glass of curdled milk sitting on the table with gnats in it. I know he won't clean as well as I do, but c'mon! Then, when I try to explain why I'm upset and how I'm feeling, I get yelled at.
At this point, I'm really regretting having this surgery. I should have continued to hide my pain so that I could continue taking care of my daily chores. Apparently, nobody else is going to!

Sorry, it's hard to ignore the mess. Yes they all need to pick up the slack. Guys seem to react strangely to this surgery.

I totally feel for you Angie......
Let's face it, women do the majority of the household duties and there is nothing more frustrating than not being able to keep up with the demands of daily chores. This surgery/recovery is much more than I expected it to be. My daughter and husband have been somewhat helpful but I sure look forward to the day when I can do all the things that I could before this operation.

Hang in there, I hope things improve for you!

Take care

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Originally Posted by agolia77 Is anyone else feeling alone during recovery? I feel like my husband and children don't get exactly what I am going through. I'm so angry and frustrated with my husband especially. I need him to be understanding about my recovery and how long it may take. I should be able to depend on him to take care of the house, kids (10,15,17,18 old enough to fend for themselves really) and to check in on me more than twice a day. Instead, my house is a wreck with loads of laundry, dishes piling up and stuff thrown around everywhere. I can't even stand to leave my room it's so bad. Today, I found a glass of curdled milk sitting on the table with gnats in it. I know he won't clean as well as I do, but c'mon! Then, when I try to explain why I'm upset and how I'm feeling, I get yelled at. At this point, I'm really regretting having this surgery. I should have continued to hide my pain so that I could continue taking care of my daily chores. Apparently, nobody else is going to!

Im so sorry girl! Iv read it suggested many times to sit your family down and make them watch a hysterectomy video. Its graphic but this may be the best way for them to truly understand how MAJOR this was. It will take us at least a full year to recover. Im in my 4th month from a total abdominal radical hysterectomy. All
removed including appendix. Im still being careful with myself. And still get tender or sore if I do too much. Your children are certainly old enough to do on their own. As for men, they are just big babies that cant seem to fend for themselves! Do you have a close friend you could perhaps ask to come over and help get some things done? I truly did appreciate my mom. I dont know what I would have done without her! I do have to say my 12 yr old understood pretty well what I went thru. After seeing my belly full of staples and watching me walk like a lil old lady bent over and especially in the hospital all wired up he began to truly understand my agony. I have to say he did pretty good helpn out. My hubby has to work out of town s couple of days and nights each week so I was so glad to have my
mom. Do you have any church friends possibly? The ladies from mine came and brought me some meals as well. That helped so much. So be sure to show your family those videos for sure! They need to see what you went thru. Best wishes on a good recovery and if I was there I would most happily come and help you! Lots of hugs froma Tx hyst sis.

They do act strangely. I had to have a meltdown and call my mother over for him to get how bad my situation is. Now, he is super supportive and careful.

I did forget to mention one other thing. Dont regret for one minute that you had the surgery. You did it so you could feel better and have a better quality of life. To be a better wife and mom. After all, we need all the strength and good health we can get to take care of our families!

Ask them why they don't feel the need to clean up after themselves. Ask them if they do not see how disgusting and gross a mess they have created. Then print out a list of things you are not allowed to do and post it on the fridge. No-nos list : https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/art...m#.U-3ha6JX-uY
My 20 yr old insisted he was on college vacation, he wanted to sit around. I informed him in no uncertain terms that *I* was **not**on "vacation" and that he needs to consider I had a **major**organ removed (this was 3 days post op) He came around fairly well. The 17 yr old son is avoiding me. but he won't have that option long as college boy is leaving for school saturday.

Husbands don't like to be out of control, to have you hurting. They want to fix it like they fix the lawn mower....wrench, socket, filters etc. They get frustrated when they can't. He needs a timeline of your recovery so he can see where you are and what you can do. If you can, get him to read some of this Mister Hysters book : http://www.misterhystersisters.com/book.php

Chin up, better days are sure to come, even if you have to hire a dumpster to clear the house in a few weeks !

hi there. i feel the same. i came home same day as op ..(6 hrs later) to find the house sparkling , chocolates and flowers. 3 days on and im hanging out washing and cooking. i think hes playing the tough love card but it is fustrating. we arnt 'fixed' after a few days of being in agony. my hubby keeps saying 'dont worry ur bruises are healing nicely there ul be at the gym in no time' ... sorry?! they dont realise the bruises might be healing but our guts feel like theyve been kicked by a horse then put in the washing machine! at least u have the support on here.. hugs and speedy recovery xx

Thanks everyone! I really do believe that because we really don't have anything that is really visibly wrong, they just assume we should be ready to get up and go. They don't realize how major our surgery was! Not only did I have a LVAH/BSO, but I also had to get a bladder sling placed due to some leaking issues I was having. So, I had two surgeries in one sitting.
I really think I am going to make them all sit down this weekend and watch a video of the surgery. Maybe the will get it then!

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Originally Posted by angelswings84 hi there. i feel the same. i came home same day as op ..(6 hrs later) to find the house sparkling , chocolates and flowers. 3 days on and im hanging out washing and cooking. i think hes playing the tough love card but it is fustrating. we arnt 'fixed' after a few days of being in agony. my hubby keeps saying 'dont worry ur bruises are healing nicely there ul be at the gym in no time' ... sorry?! they dont realise the bruises might be healing but our guts feel like theyve been kicked by a horse then put in the washing machine! at least u have the support on here.. hugs and speedy recovery xx

I too came home to a clean house, but by day 2 of being home, the house was a wreck again and the kids and husband weren't doing anything. I called my mom and she came up and put them to work. I called her again yesterday and she is about to come to my home and put the hammer down.
The gym? Really? Omg, I would probably punch my husband for that remark!