Holding pattern waiting for date

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll hear back from the scheduler today about possible dates in October for my hyst...but it just feels like things will never be normal again.

I used to consider myself lucky that I could make a living doing something I loved. Now? I'm still in bed half crying as I watch the minutes tick by until I have to get ready for work and I don't want to go in anymore.

I am so tired all the time, truthfully, I don't even remember what it feels like not to be exhausted anymore. I wake up tired and force myself through the day until I get home, fall asleep...wake for dinner (sometimes) and fall back asleep. My levels have improved, but the anemia is still sapping my will to do anything but crash.

I want so much to go full force preparing for this upcoming surgery. I want to cover all my bases at work and prepare for the leave...I want to spend my weekends nesting and preparing the house and making freezer meals. And I can't. I go to work and do the best I can and that's no where near my previous performance levels. They've been great about it, very understanding, but I don't even feel like me anymore.

My husband and I went to lunch with my sister and brother in law on Saturday an it was wonderful, had a great time, but that was pretty much all I did this weekend. That and some laundry and one pot of soup for the freezer. So much for my big plans.

And Aunt Flo arrived yesterday - and she's never welcome - might as well put a faucet down there I am losing so much blood. And cramping. And my breasts are impossibly sore and all I want to do is stay in bed with a heating pad and feel sorry for myself today.

I'm so scared about the lack of energy after the surgery, because if this is what m like now I might not be able to function at all. I'm scared of all the complications that could happen...but mostly I'm scared of living like this for the rest of my life.

Just needed to vent. Now to push myself in the shower and go to work.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. It sounds miserable. I hope you get a date for sometime soon. I didn't prepare, so if you can, do, if not, things can still work out. I hope surgery makes some positive changes for you. Best wishes for an easy surgery and speedy recovery.

You poor thing, try not to worry! It sounds like you are having a draining and miserable time with your periods.
I had a hysterectomy because of PMDD (severe PMS). I ran my life based on when my PMS would start, watching the calendar - even trying to move kids parties and holidays to fit in with the two weeks (or less) of the month when I would feel stable.
After the operation - when I woke up, the sense of relief was joyous!! I was so keen to take it easy look after myself and get better so my new free life could start. 4 months on and I am a new person...It was all worth it and I would do it all again if I had to.

I really hope this operation gives you a new freedom that you can enjoy. The recovery time is a great time to catch up on movies or books you haven't had time to read without feeling guilty! It is a very common operation these days but it is big surgery. Personally I didn't find it horrible - just a bit uncomfortable for a few weeks, after that it's just a matter of getting up, out and about again. You will be recovered before you know it. All the best for your op.

Many prayers for you, I too struggle with anemia. Currently on 3 iron pills a day, with a date of next Monday. I have been treying over the last month to re-do my spring cleaning in an attempt to have a clean house for the time I am limited. But this past week, I have even all but stopped my exercising as even the slower walks I have been struggling thru have worn me out. Knowing you're not alone doesn't make it better, but hopefully prayers will be answered for your strength until your surgery is done. Looking forward to the feelings lindamr mentioned

Thanks, everyone. I made it to work. I still haven't gotten a call with a date yet, so I'm even taking my cell into the ladies room with me so I don't miss the call. Good thing it's a private bathroom or people would think I was creepy.

I think I have a little "light at the end of the tunnel" syndrome. I have been so focused on how I will feel after recovery and how awesome it will be to finally be better that I'm extra frustrated that I'm still in the thick of it now.

Too bad I can't put my cycle on the company calendar so my co-workers would know when to take it easy on me...where is Dwight Schrute when you need him?

Thanks again - the support and just knowing that other people understand really helps.