surgery in 12 days and my mom is sick

My mom has been going through some medical problems over the past 9 months. She was recently diagnosed with dystonia. It is really bad and she is unable to do much of anything by herself anymore.

My mom has always been my support. She has been the babysitter for both of my kids. She is their "taxi driver" when I can't be. Long story short, her worse bought with dystonia started a week ago. She is having pretty much continuous muscle spasms all over.

I have seriously considered canceling my surgery so that I can focus on her. My dad is staying at home with her. But, I am a nurse and am the one who talks with all the doctors and goes to all of the appointments. My mom told me today that she will be very upset if I cancel my surgery. She said she doesn't want to see me hurt anymore.

Not sure where I'm going with this. My hubby will be home to take care of me and my son after surgery. But, not being able to be there for my mom is adding even more stress on me. I was already stressed about the surgery, but now I'm doubly stressed.

But, I feel like I can't cancel my surgery because it will upset my mom. Stress makes her disease worse. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

pennylane5001,

I am very sorry to hear about your Mom's illness. I live with my Mom and the two of us take care of each other, so I understand how you are feeling. She has had a number of heath issues, but is doing fairly well right now.

Please don't let the complications that are written about on the post-up forum scare you too much. There are many sisters who have good experiences with their recoveries, and are able to get back to things they want and need to do fairly quickly. I had a TAH on 2/23, and my recovery has gone incredibly well. I was cooking dinner by the fifth day after my surgery, I drove at 1 week and 2 days, and I have been working four hours a day (from home) since the 2 week mark. I also drove my Mom to a dr. appt at two weeks.

Hang in there. I think that positive thinking goes a long way and helps in recovery. Best Wishes to you whatever you decide. I also hope that your Mom has some improvement soon (if that is possible). I am sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way.

I can really relate to your situation-I was first diagnosed with fibroids when my mom was undergoing chemotherapy for uterine cancer. I was urged to have a hysterectomy but I chose ablation instead because of the stress on my mom and family if I were to have a hysterectomy at that time. She came to the ablation with me at the hospital (I didn't want her to come because she was spending enough time in hospitals at the time) and my doc spoke with her after wards which she found reassuring.
My mom has since passed away from her cancer and I know she would be happy with my decision to now undergo a hysterectomy-and she would have been happier if I had done it two years ago when I had the ablation instead!
I know how difficult this must be but trust your Mom when she says she doesn't want to see you suffering anymore. Let her offer her support to you as best she is able. She'll be happy to see you taking positive steps for your own health which should reduce her stress-not add to it!
This is very hard and you obviously love your Mom very much. Even though she is sick let her love and care for you too-my Ma and I got even closer dealing with our medical issues together, supporting one another and being women together-just something to think about ok?
peace and hugs!

on the fence,

Thank you so much for replying to my post. Your comments have helped me to see that I need to go through with the surgery.

I have 2 children of my own and know I would not ever want then to endure pain or anything else any longer than they have to, especially because of me.

I am thinking now that the surgery might benefit my mom as well as myself. She said "I will be so glad when you have your surgery so you won't hurt any more."

Now, I feel like I'm doing the surgery for her. It has made me at peace with my decision.

Best of luck to you and your Mom! I hope you have a nice smooth recovery and oodles of time to bond with your Mom! Let us know how things go-hug!