Help, New here and I don't know what to expect...

Hi everyone

I am new to this site (and SO glad I found it) - and I have some questions and really need a bit of support.

My history is that I am 39 years old and 9 months ago gave birth to my DD. The C-Section did not go as planned and it turned out to be the birth from hell.... 18 units of blood and finally a hyster+cervix to stop the bleeding and to save my life - so what should have been the happiest day of my life, almost killed me.

now, 9 months on I think I am beginning to feel the anger and grief that I should have felt to begin with and I feel so upset about what has happened. Is it normal to feel so exhausted all the time even at this stage?? (I have more bad days than good and DD sleeps thru the night so its not sleep depriviation) I get weird headaches and can cry for no reason - then there are the days when my scar just aches so much. Physically, I just don't FEEL right and can't really describe it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my 'missing' uterus and cervix - and its 9 months since the surgery. I miss not having a period (I never had problems there) and can't bear watching commercials on the TV for tampax etc... this sounds so stupid, I know....

Please tell me that this is all normal and I am not turning into some crazy woman - I used to be so level headed and life was such fun... now it just seems that everything has been turned upsidedown Any positive vibes or advice would mean a great deal to me.

Thanks
Ingers....

HI Ingers,
Welcome to Hystersisters.
You have come to the right place for finding women who care, and who understand what you are going through - at many different levels.

First of all, here is a bit of and reassurance that you are not going mad - you are indeed quite justified in feeling angry and upset, and even grieving!!!

As you said what should have been one of the happiest days of your life turned out to be one of the scariest-- then, not only did you have your newborn daughter to look after, you had to recover physically from emergency surgery, and mentally and emotionally from the shock of an unexpected hysterectomy --- no small challenge!!

Women can feel angry and betrayed by their bodies when they have to have this surgery - even more so when it was not planned -- For those who wanted to have a child or more children the grief and sense of loss is hard to bear - and even women who never really wanted to have children go through a grieving process for the loss of part of themselves, and part of their life.

So you certainly have a lot of emotional things to deal with that can upset your balance.

Have you had your hormone levels checked? What with a pregnancy and then a hysterectomy they could be all over the place, which might explain, to some degree, some of the emotional turbulence you feel - not all of it, but some.
And a hormone imbalance (perhaps even thyroid) can certainly contribute to the fatigue you are suffering.

After a hysterectomy - without the issue of pregnancy, - it can take from 6 months to a year to really feel like your self again and get your energy back --- if you have a little baby to deal with I can see that you would still be physically tired at 9 months -

it is hard to separate general physical issues from hormonal and emotional issues - they seem to work in collaboration --- it wouldn't hurt to have a check up.

Give yourself permission to be angry and frustrated, to grieve and be upset with what has happened - by turning it over in your thoughts and sharing it, you begin the healing process.

best wishes to you.

hi ingers, i can't top the advice that CAS29 gave you except to second it. I just wanted to say that i am sorry you have had to go through what all you have and this is the BEST site for support and understanding. especially when no one else understands. We are here for you so don't be afraid to vent,rave,let off steam,etc. we all have done it at one time or another. I hope you feel better soon.