"Just like pregnancy!" (or NOT)

That's what a newly pregnant friend said to me, after she asked how I was doing. I mentioned that overall I'm doing well, but then the exhaustion hits and takes me out for a couple hours or couple days. I said it's "exhaustion to your core" - and comparable to the flu (IMO) minus the fever and chills. Her reply: "Wow! I guess recovering from a hysterectomy is just like pregnancy! But I guess that makes sense, since it's your uterus that's taking a beating in both." Uh...really?! Your uterus is taking a beating by....doing what it was designed to do. Mine took a beating by being burned up, chopped up, and surgically removed. Yeah, sounds the same to me. I know about pregnancy exhaustion, but seriously. There's no way you can possibly compare a pregnancy to a hysterectomy!!!

having been pregnant and given birth 5 times, IMO, it is more like recovering from childbirth. All your internal organs have made a huge shift as have your hormones. You have lost a fair amount of blood and aren't sleeping right. Your clothes don't fit. It feels like everything shifts when you pee and pooping is an adventure. In a couple weeks you are mostly better but won't be completely right for at least couple months. OF course , you don't get the joy of the new baby to love but the physical recovery is similar, probably more so if you had a cesarean.

Well, I have been pregnant 3 times. And the surgery fatigue was similar to that first trimester as well as the last couple of weeks. However, it was so much more intense. And yes, much more like the flu.

For me, my recovery from this surgery was much much much much harder than my 3 c-sections.

I think sometimes we just have to give folks some slack and grace. I mean, they really really don't know or understand and I think i most cases are trying to find something to compare it.

Hang in there!

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I think sometimes we just have to give folks some slack and grace. I mean, they really really don't know or understand and I think i most cases are trying to find something to compare it.

I guess, but if you didn't have kids/weren't able to, it's a slap in the face. Not everyone had kids before having a hysterectomy. That's a joyful thing - for most. Mostly, this is a relief of finally able to be normal or what passes for normal for a very long time or had cancer or tumors which were endangering your life in more ways than one.

I get that the person probably doesn't mean to be insensitive, but there should be more thought behind what they say.

People tend to be self-absorbed. Their worst pain is their worst pain. They also tend to want to talk about what's concerning them, not what's concerning you, accordingly. The things we say are all too often just a jumping off point for someone else to start talking about themselves.

I had someone tell me, "Oh I know what you're going through. I had my appendix out when I was 15 years old, and it hurt bad for a few days."

Ohhh-kay. But I let it slide. Honestly, the only people who can truly even relate to our experience are women who've had a similar surgery. Even people like me who had the LAVH surgery can't truly understand what a woman who had the TAH is feeling.

If the person is really trying to be empathetic I cut them a lot of slack. If they're just bored by my problems and want to segue into a description of their aches and pains I consider the source. It hurts though, I know, when someone else's "pain" is a trade we'd love to make with them, theirs for ours.

I have 3 kids, but I also have a very close friend who has been unable to bear children and it hurts her deeply to her core so I have always tried to be extremely gentle and conscientious with her feelings never to say things to hurt her and I always try to be extrordinarily compassionate about that. I love her and I would never want to make her feel hurt so I am always very aware of everything I say around her. We usually talk a lot about our kitty cats instead since that is something we can both find joy and celebration in and share funny stories about.

But I will say that just like hysterectomy is a different journey for each woman, so is pregnancy. I had so many issues my first time around that I was constantly sick and ending up in the hospital and the fatigue was overwhelming. The episiotomy during the birth that I didn't even want, did not heal for months and was excrutiatingly painful. And in each pregnancy I ended up on complete bedrest due to bleeding complications and pre term labor.

I don't think that someone who has not experienced hysterectomy can possibly know what it is like. And I ended up having a second surgery 3 weeks later so I feel like I have literally started my healing and recovery all over again. I have much more pain after the second surgery that I just had 5 days ago. But I admit that personally one of the first thoughts I had in the beginning is that I felt like I did during 1st trimester in pregnancy which was always when I had the most bleeding, fatigue and discomfort.

Of course that being said, I compared the pain and fatigue of hysterectomy with a difficult pregnancy as opposed to an easy and normal one. Additionally I was comparing it to myself and not to someone else. I feel blessed in the fact that after hysterectomy I felt enegetic and happy... but of course being too energetic was what led to the second surgery since I wasn't taking it easy enough.

I think your friend making that comparison comes out of a naievety about what hysterectomy actually entails. We aren't popping out a baby, we are popping out body parts. Some of us, many body parts. It is life changing on an entirely different level. Hormonally there are some similarities, emotionally there are some similarities, fatigue-wise there are some similarities, but obviously the surgery is a far cry from a birth or a pregnancy. It is painful and difficult in a very different way that only women who have experienced it can possibly understand or relate to.

And even though I do not think it is deliberate, I do think that some people forget that not every woman can bear children so they forget to be cautious of what they say or how they word things. Especially if it is a first pregnancy or they have never experienced any fertility and/or female health issues. If you feel close enough with your friend, I think it is perfectly okay to remind her that comparing pregnancy to hysterectomy can be received as a little insensitive to some women. And if you say it in a gentle and loving way then hopefully she will realize her error and be more conscientious in the future. Of course, if it is someone that you don't see too often or don't feel as comfortable having that chat with, then you can just chalk it up to her naievety, try not to dwell on it and let it slide.