Talks with DH

Anyone been talking a lot to significant others? My DH listens but all he says is "As long as nothing happens to my sweetie"-he means death-he knows lots will happen.

He says he will come to my next appointment if I want him to, but I don't think he is that comfortable with it. He knows how much I prize my independence and my right to make my own decisions. He said I will ask all the right questions. I don't think he wants to look like a dominating husband-like I can't figure this out or something. I haven't decided whether I really want him to come or not. At first I didn't even want him to come to the surgery, just have the doctor call him, but I have since come to my senses about that. this independence thing can go too far sometimes!

He has been great to listen to my ramblings. He has also said that he will be there to take very good care of me (he doesn't work in the summers, curse or blessing? hmmm). He understands that this is my decision, and that I should be nervous or reluctant to have all this done- it's my body and a big incision, etc. He reassures me that from what he knows things will work out if we are patient for the healing process.

I think he might be tired of me talking about this so much, but I keep talking. It's never stopped me before!

Oh my gosh DH and I talked about this all the time till the day. He was so supportive and to be honest with ya I needed that time to just talk it out with him. Your very lucky to have an understanding DH.

hi, i am from MN also!!!

I am one week post op. My husband had a hard time with the surgery, he thought it seemed so drastic, wasn't there another option?? But, once we really talked, & i explained things he was very supportive of it all. We, or I, talked about it all the time. He would ask questions if he wanted to, or just listened. You need there support, trust me! You will need him at the hospital also. It is major surgery. I could not believe the next day how I felt. Not great at all, so having him sit in a chair by my hospital bed was so comforting. the nurses are great, but they can't replace the comfort of your husband.

good luck. He probably doesn't mind listening as much as you think!! he is just concerned, appreciate that for what it is.

Audrey

My DH and I had many talks about hysterectomy prior to mine!!! He is a very supportive man, but on the other hand~ he kinda was guilty of letting me and the doc decide the course of treatment for all the female problems I had...UNTIL I told him I wanted him to go with me to my Pre-Op appt. to discuss/listen to everything and ask any ?'s, voice any concerns. For us, this was a GOOD decision! He was much more comfortable about the surgery and has understood so much better than he would have, because he went and we had a 1 1/2 hour appt. to discuss EVERYTHING!!!! It made him even more understanding than he was!!! I was also able to sence that he was more concerned than I thought he was! I had felt like he was listening...but it was not him that went through all that I did, so he couldn't understand. But when at the appt. he made several comments like: "ya know how MUCH she has been through already, I just don't want her to hurt like this anymore! She needs to enjoy life again...." It was nice to hear him really voice his thoughts! Instead of me feeling like he was only enduring the conversations we had!

Please really consider taking him with you! I think it is not seen as a "dominating husband" I know the doctors I have worked with all feel it is SOOOO Important for both partners to be involved in this....it does affect both of you!!!! In so many ways!!! You can still be a very independant woman....but let your DH be there to help you every step of the way!!! It also helps for him to hear for himself when the doctor says the limitations and how long the recovery can really take!!! Many husbands start to forget it was Major surgery and a lot of the sisters get frustrated during the recovery b/c they say they feel like their DH's are tired of them being "down" and not back in the swing of things!!!! If the DH hears it himself from the he is more apt to be understanding and supportive!!! One of the doctors I worked with would not do a surgery consultation appt. without the spouse present if the woman is married!!!! It is important to go into this together, in my honest opinion!!!

Best luck in your upcoming surgery!!!
's,
Ronda

MyDH has also been very supportive. But, he did want me to explore other options. He talked to a woman he works with about it and she'd had the ablation procedure. She said it worked for her. That's all good and well, and that was her decision, but this is my body and it's my decision. I understand he's just concerned because it's major surgery, but like I said, it's my body. I knew I wanted a guarenteed, definitive result.

I have asked my dh to attend every appt that involved making major decisions. Especially if I am already nervous. Having two perspectives on the doctors conversation and of course the questions I never thought to ask really helps after you get home and have to make your final decision.