Venting, ranting, crying...exasperated!

Thanks for this great place to vent! I went to the doc today for my 4 week check up. I had seen the PA on the 2 previous visits, this was my first time to see him.

I am just not where i think I should be and it is making me crazy! I have occasional good days, but then there are days where I want to grab people by the throat and pop their heads off, and others where I am either crying like crazy, or fighting with every inch of my being to NOT cry. I felt this way 1 week post op and they determined I needed to up my HRT to 2 Vivelle dot .1 patches. I felt better right away... for a short time. Now I am back to feeling that bad again.

The short version of the story is the PA seemed to think I needed something - maybe for anxiety, but that I needed "something." So then, I go in to see the doc. He tells me my estrogen levels are perfect, ignores the fact that I still having pain (says it will go away in another 2-4 weeks) and that I just need to get a good night's sleep. Tells me to take 2 Tylenol PMs at night and after a couple of nights of good sleep, I will be fine. Meanwhile, I am sitting there crying, and expressing that I am SOBBING and how am I supposed to go to work???!!! He offers me a note. I explain that I cannot take any more time off, and I can't stand feeling this way, and SOMETHING must be wrong! He shakes my hand and tells me to come back in a few weeks. By then, I was really sobbing, and started to hyperventilate. By the time I got to the front desk to check out, I was in a full blown panic attack and couldn't even speak.

One of the morons(I know that is unkind, but - really!) at the desk asks "Do you want to schedule your next appointment for 3 weeks now?" NO! I am hysterical, I cannot catch my breath, and I cannot speak! Fortunately, one of the other compassionate nurses invervenes, and tries to calm me down. She goes back to the PA and comes out with a Rx for Xanax and tells me to get it filled before I leave the office.(There is a pharmacy downstairs.)

So I have taken 50mg of Xanax, I am still feeling like a bi-polar psychotic with a really bad case of PMS. I am still sobbing, and angry, and don't know what the heck to do! I did suffer from depression many years ago (situational - a severe family tragedy) but have not had depression or panic attacks in about 8 years. Other than the uncontrollable crying, I don't feel "depressed" - my symptoms are not the same. I just feel sad and angry and wacky and cannot stop crying.

I came up with an excuse and managed to work from home this afternoon, but I have to go to the office tomorrow and don't know what I am going to do.

One final note - I have been consistently gaining weight this year, and in the last two weeks, even following a strict low carb regimine that I lost 50+ pounds on and kept off for 3 years, I managed to gain another 2 pounds in 2 weeks. The doctor said I was probably gaining pre surgery because of dropping estrogen levels, but now that those are fine, it should stabilize. He said "later" they will run some additional bloodwork to check thyroid and insulin resistance, etc.

Anyone have any ideas? I am about ready to go have myself comitted!

Hey there - oh you poor baby - I could totally picture what you went through! Sounds like something that would happen to me. Here's what I can offer from my experience. I had my TAH on July 5th and I can tell you it took a good 6-8 week post for my hormones to level off and I started to feel like me again. I had to recognize (from the help of these ladies) that these feelings and outbursts I was having were all normal. This is a hard thing physically and mentally to go through. I think you should take those xanax as you need them and maybe even ask for an anti-depressant to get you over this hump if you think it can help -- this is also a situational thing too, a traumatic experience for sure. I have also taken Celexa for a number of months for situational depression and felt like a million bucks. We sound a lot alike - I also lost weight (76 pounds) following a low carb diet and have kept it off 3 years. I did put on about 5 pounds right after surgery and have taken it off. I know it may not sound like a big deal but it is when you try so freakin hard to stay on track and you gain! I know that all these factor together -- your weight, hormones, stress of surgery can reek havoc on our bodies. Hang in there sweetie, it's going to get better. Keep on top of those doc's with your HRT levels and such and try to tell yourself its going to get better.

Thanks for the encouragement, Diamond. I have gained about 40 pounds this year and that alone could make me crazy! I guess I will take some knock out drops and try to get a lot of sleep for a few days. If that doesn't help, I'll call the PA and ask for something else. I just keep freaking out about trying to go to work tomorrow. I have 11 employees and I think they are all hiding under their desks right now!

Oh no - you make me laugh!! I promise you it will get better. I try to talk myself out of these swings I have as hard as I can - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. All my friends have seen my rath - ooo, watch out! I'll be sending good vibes your way -- hey, just think, two more days til Friday!

Well I had my major melt down at Walmart! I was crying harder than I ever do. Scared my kids. My youngest had "lost" his Nintendo DS and I just couldn't handle it. He was crying and I was crying. It was humiliating. I still can't go back in that Walmart! LOL. I have had a few mini meltdowns. I understand the panic attack. I have had a few of those too. According to my doc, I am perfect. My hormone levels are great, but are still leveling out. I wish he would give me something for the depression. Keep after the doc, make him understand how severe you are feeling. Take the Xanax. Remember you were through major surgery! It takes time to recuperate. Just because we appear healed on the outside our insides are another story. Big hugs to you! I hope you do get some rest. My doc didn't even recommend the Tylenol PM. I think I shall go buy some. I soooo need to sleep!