No Date: Hysterectomy on the horizon/UFE failed/recovering alone

Hi ladies. This is re-posted from the introductions forum.

Backstory:
I'm 37. No kids. Never married.
UFE 2 years ago seems to have failed. Multiple fibroids, some huge, 13 week sized uterus. So sick of dealing with this. I want a life!


I'm not a good myomectomy candidate.

I'm at the point where I'm okay with the idea of a sub total hysterectomy, but I may not be a candidate for laparoscopic or vaginal hyst. Still waiting on a 2nd opinion about that.

I'm single and a graduate student and I work. I have no family for 1500 miles. The recovery time is a huge issue since I have no one to help me out 24/7. Friends can drop in, but they have their lives.

What am I going to do?? I feel that I need to schedule the surgery pretty soon, but I don't know how I could possibly manage the recovery phase if I get the open abdominal procedure. aahhh.

Extra info: My parents/siblings living out of state do NOT want me to have surgery. They think it is unnatural. They are seriously adding to my stress.

Hi Rlo, and

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this alone. It certainly would be easier to face all this if your family were supportive. Because they don't live near you, they probably don't realize what you are having to deal with all the time.

You will need help after your surgery, but that doesn't mean that you will need help 24/7. However, it might be good to arrange for people to stop by several times a day to check on you, bring meals, do a load of laundry, etc. The more you prepare ahead of time (stock up on simple foods, medicines, etc.), the easier it will be for you--and the easier it will be for anyone who stops by to help.

Someone who's gone through this alone will be along soon to offer you some great suggestions. For now, I'm sending you big

Hi Rlo. I live alone and managed to get by just fine. Once in a while my sister would drop by for a visit and would bring something that I needed. It can sound daunting, but it is possible. There are organizations that can help out with errands and chores if your friends are not available. But ask them. They would probably be very willing to help out-even if it is just to pick something up for you from the drug store.
That is too bad that your family does not understand your need to have this done. For us, it can be a quality of your life issue that makes our decision very logical. Perhaps they will come to understand it one day. In the meantime, you have us sisters to turn to!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlo Hi ladies. This is re-posted from the introductions forum. Backstory: I'm 37. No kids. Never married. UFE 2 years ago seems to have failed. Multiple fibroids, some huge, 13 week sized uterus. So sick of dealing with this. I want a life! I'm not a good myomectomy candidate. I'm at the point where I'm okay with the idea of a sub total hysterectomy, but I may not be a candidate for laparoscopic or vaginal hyst. Still waiting on a 2nd opinion about that. I'm single and a graduate student and I work. I have no family for 1500 miles. The recovery time is a huge issue since I have no one to help me out 24/7. Friends can drop in, but they have their lives. What am I going to do?? I feel that I need to schedule the surgery pretty soon, but I don't know how I could possibly manage the recovery phase if I get the open abdominal procedure. aahhh. Extra info: My parents/siblings living out of state do NOT want me to have surgery. They think it is unnatural. They are seriously adding to my stress.

*BIG HUGS* I know what you mean. My family is in several states with responsibilities, and my husband is in Afghanistan. Since my hysterectomy is elective (I got tired of all the trial and error with hormones, birth control...refuse to do IUD and I'm scrared spitless about trying an ablation!!) the Army Dr. and the Army do not recommend my husband to be here.

I have 2 children 14 and 9, 2 dogs (large ones), and will be relying on those who will be able to drop in on me once I've returned from the hospital. My children will be taken care of by my neighbor or a friend while I'm in the hospital.

I have decided to move ALL vital needs into my bedroom (to include the microwave and coffee pot). I'm going to get the kids some easy to make meals, as well as some easy to open and nuke soups, broths, and meals for myself so I don't have to get up and go downstairs to the kitchen.

I certainly can relate to your concerns, and hope that you will be able to find someone to help you along during your surgery and recovery. Best wishes to you!

Thank you everyone. I can plan ahead and stock up and make my bedroom comfy. I will let my friends run errands. Still trying to convince my family about "quality of life issues". I've been pretty miserable for about 4 years. My uterus has been running and ruining my life. Again, thanks for the advice and support!

Is it possible your family is really just hung up on the fact that you have no children and this surgery means that will never be possible? Even if children are not in your plans or desires, sometimes family can't quite accept the fact that there are people who who are fine with not having them. I have no idea if you are one of those people, and if you are not, I don't mean to open up a sore spot for you, but it just came to mind as a possible explanation for your family's behavior and attitude.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by wordwizard Is it possible your family is really just hung up on the fact that you have no children and this surgery means that will never be possible? Even if children are not in your plans or desires, sometimes family can't quite accept the fact that there are people who who are fine with not having them. I have no idea if you are one of those people, and if you are not, I don't mean to open up a sore spot for you, but it just came to mind as a possible explanation for your family's behavior and attitude.

Wordwizard,

The truth is I'm in my late 30s, never married so far. I have never wanted biological children due to environmental and personal reasons. Not wanting kids is different from not being able to have them. My parents and grandmothers have always expressed a desire for me to marry and have kids. The fact that that wont happen is hard to take. I think there was the hope that I would change my mind and suddenly have a kid out of nowhere. People dont really understand women without kids. I'm cool with it, but people can be rude about any female who has no desire to be a mother.

Additionally to this, my mother, brother (a physician) and sister feel that too many women have a hysterectomy done. They dont want to see me become a statistic if it can be avoided. I love my family, but I'm trying to get them to see that I've tried my best to avoid hysterectomy, but in my case, it may be necessary.

Rlo

Hi Rio
I can understand where you are coming from. I am 41 and never had the desire for children lucky to have never been pregnant. My sister and mother are the same as me which makes it hard to understand why they disagreed with my decision to have the hysterectomy done. If they do not care for the mothering part of themselves why are they so adamant about keeping it???
I just kept on with my decision, at first I did not tell them, then as time went on I realized it was my life and I do not care if they did not like what I do.
Once the fibroids came out and my sister saw the picture she did not say another word about my decision. It is one thing to advise others quite another to see what the others have to live with.
If it wasn’t for my DH I also would have recovered alone. His parents insisted I go to their house which was nice but I was ready to recover alone at home since he had to work.
Just like others say get everything ready stock up for at least two weeks of eating and whatever else you might need. I made a list so I would not forget things like toilet paper and non-recovery needs. The only issue I see is the meds they prescribe after the hospital stay, I wonder if anyone has ideas about this part…?

Jeanette

My relatives had a hard time accepting my not wanting to have kids. I was recently diagnosed with a progressive disease that's possibly genetic. That was a not happy moment, but the side benefit is, no one is making noises about my wanting to get all reproductive parts out. If this disease progresses, there is no way I can take care of little squirts, I'll be having a hard enough time taking care of myself.

I decided to make this the year of ME. I had lasik done recently, I'd wanted it, but was waiting for the right time. It's the right time. Whatever years I have left, I'm going to be living them to the fullest and that means no more awful pain for no purpose, no more fumbling for glasses, no more fear of being raped and getting preggers (was raped when I was a kid), and did I mention, no more awful cyclic pain and moodswings?

I made a basket to keep in the bed with me with everything I did not want to have to get up to get: cell phone, stool softeners, Gas X, chapstick (necessity), note pad and pen, remote, bottle of water, book, magazines etc. I could have been by myself every day..no lie. I was not bed bound at all. I was very surprised at how mobile I really was