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I think I'm getting depressed.....
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08-16-2010, 05:43 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 141
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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I think I'm getting depressed.....
......I can't handle all this alone anymore.
My mom emails me today to let me know that she hasnt emailed me so she could give me time to realize that she only wants to know how I'm doing??? That makes no sense whatsoever. It's been 5 weeks since my surgery. I have 2 half sisters and 2 brothers... I haven't heard anything from any of them. :-(
My friends (or so I thought) have all disappeared. I know I need new and better friends, but I'm not even sure how to start to make new friends.... how do I do this??? My friends have always just been people I associated with in my everyday life. now.. that circle of people I come into contact with everyday has shrunk significantly. The only two people I have weekly contact with are the two I work with and I DON"T want to be friends with them... (long story).
I just don't know what to do. When I'm alone I have times when I'm just focusing on me and it's all good. BUT, then I will want to have lunch with someone or just vent on the phone with a friend of whatever..... and I don't feel like I have anyone to call etc... :-(
I'm afraid when I go back to work full-time I'm going to end up quitting/just walking out... it so frustrating. If I just go into work and mind my own business, the other two get all offended because I'm not talking to them. If I come in and try to talk work, they get offended because they feel like I'm attacking them. They will only be happy if I succumb to doing everything their way (including how I live my personal life)... you know... go to church and then talk about everybody, be judgemental, drink until you can't remember what you did or said and smoke weed because it's fun. This is just NOT ME at all. Oh yeah and if anyone confides in me I should use that against them at a later time.......
I just want to get up in the morning, go to work.. do a good job, come home.. have my own social life and be happy. Why can't others just accept people for who they are instead of trying to change them to be more like themselves.
I have the worse family and friends ever. :-(
I hate my life right now.... sorry for venting. I didn't know where else I could feel safe and say all of this.!!!!
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08-16-2010, 05:52 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 838
Hysterectomy: June 16th, 2010
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
unwrittenfuture..I am so sorry that you are having do deal with all that "junk" in addition to trying to heal from your surgery. I am going through some things myself right now but I just wanted to send (((( HUGS)))) your way and vent all you want. Sometimes it helps to just say whats on your mind and this is a good place to come to for support.
Hope you feel better both physically and emotionally real soon.
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08-17-2010, 05:46 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 63
Hysterectomy: July 15th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
Hey, sorry you are feeling so low. I know that it gets difficult at times.
One positive thing about this time you are having is that you have time to think things over - family/friends work etc.
Like me, you can consider ways of making new friends when you are healed - perhaps joining a class and learning something new? Or are there any social clubs that are local to you.
Regarding your work - questions I am asking myself at the moment is whether I am in the right career, do I want to change it, if so what would I like to do, do I want part time work or full time etc etc...
I think that a lot of people take this time to reflect on the big issues in their life - and then we either just accept and move on or we make changes and move on.
Either way its hard to do.
Good luck and feel free to vent whenever!
Karen x
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08-18-2010, 12:15 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 141
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
You're definitely right about taking this time to reflect. It's almost too much time at this point. But in all fairness I have had some really long and intense chats with myself (when on and off the meds)..... and I have come to some good decisions about my life in general and I really want to treat this episode (the surgery) as a marker for part 2 of my life.
I love my job, but I just can't work with the people I have to work with. The decision now is just what do I do about it. For now, I'm going to ride it out and keep my eyes and ears open for something better.... I certainly do not want to be unemployed. Work is the one thing in my life that just doesn't fit ... not work, just the other two employees....
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08-21-2010, 12:01 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 16
Hysterectomy: July 15th, 2010
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
One thing I have learned from this experience is to be more aware of others when they go through a major surgery. I have been surprised by the lack of concern and help from my friends/acquaintances. I'm going to make sure I don't act that way, even though I know it's easy to get so busy with my own life that I forget to show compassion to others. I know in the past I have intended to do something kind but didn't end up following through.
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08-21-2010, 05:39 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 2
Hysterectomy: July 27th, 2010
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
Unwritten future, you're not alone in this. My surgery was 4 weeks ago, and after evaluating the people in my life, I've been able to separate my friends and family into 2 groups. Group 1 - those who genuinely care about me and make it a priority to show me the love and support I need during this difficult time; and Group 2 - pretty much everyone else. It can be so sad to realize that there are more people in Group 2 than Group 1...even sadder when there's no one in Group 1.
The most positive change that has come out of my experience is that I'm realizing how much I need to develop and nurture healthy relationships in my life. Before my surgery, I worked 12 hours a day, came home, ate, walked the dog and went to bed -- only to start the same thing all over again the next day. Because of past hurts in my life, over time, I devalued the importance of friendships and told myself that I didn't need them to be happy. When I had my surgery at the end of July, and I found myself alone in bed with lots of time to think about my life, and it really hit me then, that I NEED people in my life who genuinely care about me and people that I genuinely care about. It was very sad for me when the people I thought were my friends, didn't show much concern or compassion for me after my surgery. It turns out they were people who were "constants" in my life but they weren't healthy, supportive friendships that I could count on. Don't get me wrong, I've also had to take responsibility for my lack of commitment in building healthy relationships and I had to make a decision to do things differently from here out. I know that it will take work to find new friends and cultivate those friendships but I'm so thankful (although it's been so difficult and sad), that I now realize I deserve to have loving people in my life. I want to give my love to others who will cherish it and who will love me back.
I hope that this will be an opportunity for you, too, to find loving friends who will be there for you - and you, for them! You deserve it!
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08-21-2010, 06:53 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 141
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
Newstart........thank you! I could have written your post so easily. I have done the same thing....shut everybody out because of past hurts. I too need to open myself up and be open to new friendships.
I've made a start. I've emailed a couple of organizations about volunteering. I'm looking forward to hearing back from them and getting out in the community more. :-)
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08-21-2010, 07:15 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 34
Hysterectomy: August 10th, 2010
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
You are right. I feel the same. Now that my head is semi back to normal, and I am thinking somewhat straight, I find myself thinking of my future and what I want to do with it. I am considering a career change. And I also want to make new friends. I have one BF for years. We live about 1 hr away and don't see each other often b/c of work, etc. I plan to change that and make a monthly lunch meeting. It's important to have friends. But good friends, friends that truly care about you. My BF is always there for me even if we don't talk for weeks at a time. I also think that being forced to stay home and recover makes you think about your life and since all we have is time, we can make a list of the things we want to change.
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08-21-2010, 07:25 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 34
Hysterectomy: August 10th, 2010
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
UnwrittenFuture, I"m sorry for what you are going through. Find comfort in knowing that your Hyster Sisters are here for you! Use this time to reflect and make positive changes. Don't let your mind win you over. Join a group, a class, bookclub, yoga class, anything that you enjoy to get you out of the house once you can. Forget about your coworkers. That's nice that they are in your life, but it doesn't sound genuine. Remember, that you are your own person, and you are responsible for your own happiness, not your mom, not your coworkers. When you go back to work, tell yourself that you are an adult and no one will tell you what to do. Do your best job at work and handle your coworkers as you feel is best. Let them know you appreciate them, but you also need some time alone, that way you don't "step on their toes" and you can still have your space. It's a long journey, once you realize the changes you have to make in your life to make your life better, but it can be a good journey. Have you seen the movie, "My Life In Ruins"? You should rent it. Post away anytime you want. Hugs to you!
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08-21-2010, 07:41 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 141
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I think I'm getting depressed.....
loly2010...thanks for your kind words... and you're right about it all. I do need to join a group or some kind of club.
I'm going to look into the movie too. :-)
Thanks everyone for being so supportive!!!
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