Having Issues Post Hysterecomy

Hi All,

I am about 10 weeks post hysterectomy and I have been having emotional issues. I feel sad...a lot. I guess I feel envious of all of my friends who happen to be pregnant and have young children. Their kids seem to be the main subject of every conversation and truthfully I just want to crawl into a corner and cry.

When I do try to talk about my feelings of loss and sadness I get responses like "at least you don't have a period anymore", "you want some kids, here take mine", or they compare me to people whose children have died and say that I should just get over it. Some say, you will feel better, give it some more time.

I am not sleeping and starting to overeat a lot. I have no libido and do not feel like myself. My incision site has been sore a lot lately.

I feel empty and asexual.I feel like I don't have a sensual side anymore and it is upsetting. I am afraid to date because I have no sensual feelings and think that a man may reject me or think that I am just not interested in him.

I feel very lonely and isolated. I keep telling my mom that I feel different and she just says it will be alright. My doctor says that it is in my head since my blood tests show that I am not in menopause. I kept one ovary.

I am thinking about seeing a psychologist. I know a few women who had hysterectomies and they said that they feel fine. They were older than I was when they had their procedures and I don't know if that makes a difference.

As I read some of the postings on this site, I know that I am not the only one feeling this way, but it still feels like I don't know how to make it better.

Any advice?

While I am not in your same shoes, I understand. I didn't expect to be upset about the loss of my uterus, yet I am at times. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I am really, really happy to feel better physically. I think you need to be able to allow yourself to grieve and process what you have just been through, and ignore anyone who tells you not to feel however you are feeling. You had a vision of your life, and it has been changed. It takes time to accept big changes in life. Be kind to yourself, exercise to release those good endorphins, and give yourself time. The right person for you is going to care about you, not your internal organs (well, maybe your heart!). If you decide to have a family, you can seek other options for doing that. Life has changed, but it's a change you can adjust to and you will be healthier physically to enjoy it down the road! Take care of you. Short term therapy can really help you process this time in your life. Taking up a new interest or hobby can also help you feel excited about change too...Good luck!

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Originally Posted by my2ndphase Hi All, I am about 10 weeks post hysterectomy and I have been having emotional issues. I feel sad...a lot. I guess I feel envious of all of my friends who happen to be pregnant and have young children. Their kids seem to be the main subject of every conversation and truthfully I just want to crawl into a corner and cry. When I do try to talk about my feelings of loss and sadness I get responses like "at least you don't have a period anymore", "you want some kids, here take mine", or they compare me to people whose children have died and say that I should just get over it. Some say, you will feel better, give it some more time. I am thinking about seeing a psychologist. I know a few women who had hysterectomies and they said that they feel fine. They were older than I was when they had their procedures and I don't know if that makes a difference. Any advice?

As for watching people with children, feeling out of place, not belonging - I know the feelings. I was never able to have children. I went through years of infertility treatment including 2 surgeries with negative results. You still have an ovary if I remember correctly so when you do feel those times when you would have a period, you will mourn for the child that never was. I did every month when I had my period until I was about 45.

For peoples insensitive remarks - I avoided those people. They didn't 'get it' and didn't seem to care to try and understand my pain. We adopted two toddlers when they were 1 & 2 but to me they were not the same. I love them, but since I never had a baby - guess that was the difference.

People who have never been where you are will not know how you feel, the loss and pain it causes. Even if you never wanted children, the pain would probably still be there - maybe not as painful.

I would definitely look for a counselor/therapist. Be aware the first one you try may not be the right fit for you. If it is great, if not don't feel guilty. Also, you might need an antidepressant if you are not on one. I am on Wellbutrin which my GYN said was good for women after hysterectomy because it helps with hot flashes and mood swings

Hang in there. There are men out there that won't care about you not being able to have a child. But, before you go looking you need to heal thyself physically and emotionally.

To my2ndphase, how old are you if you dont mind me asking? I am about to turn 43. Im in my 8th week. Had all taken out including appendix. I had bad endo which turned into scar tissue covering everything. I had lots of pain since in my 20s. My hubby n I have one adopted son who is now 12. I always wanted to experience pregnancy. And just like you it would make me sad to see pregnant ladies. Especially when I was younger. I always felt like I wanted a big family. Lots of kids. I think because Im an only child. But that just was not
meant to be. However I do feel God blessed us with our son 12 yrs ago. Adoption can be a wonderful experience. He is our only one and unless another is dropped in our laps he is probly it. I have a very good friend who had her
tah when only 24. No kids. She was so sad at first for a long time. But now 10 yrs later she is so happy because she stays busy helping others and volunteering in her ministry and learning asl. I too found that if I stayed busy and before my son came along I worked as a sub at an elementary school really helped me to be happier. Cuz I love children so much. So when my son started school I decided to volunteer at his school and that has continued to help me thru the yrs. I went thru a phase where I was emotional about him growing up. Not having that baby anymore. But I really feel that if I stay busy helping at the school and also volunteer my time in my ministry focusingon others keeps my mind positive. Having a hobby is good too. I love to crochet. So I enjoy making hats for women who havew
had to shave their heads or for young girls who love them in the winter has been enjoyable. Exercise like one lady mentioned is also very good. Im also on estradiol 1mg. So far so good. I have my good days and bad but overall
I really cant complain too much. And I really like how another lady said she has come to love he scar. I look at it as a battle scar. Because I battled pain for so long. My inscision site too is still sore so I use lots of oils like coconut or vit E and aloe. Hang in there. Just know you are not alone in this. Its so comforting to know we have other women we can talk to anytime we are feeling low who have been thru this. Keep us posted on your progress. All my sis friends who have had this done also keep telling me it will get better! A hyst sis here in Tx. Its sooo hot!!!

Thanks to all of you for sharing your experience. I will try to stay busy and pray about the sadness. I will also look for a counselor.

Your support and understanding are blessings to me. It does help to communicate with people who understand.

Thanks again.