I Think I'm Going Nuts !!!!

Morning Ladies,

This is one horrible Saturday morning. Wasn't able to sleep well last night, so figured I'd sleep in this morning - bad idea. Woke feeling out of sorts (what else is new). Just called DBF (he's 53, I'm 45 - so this isn't the 1st time down this road) at work to check on his day, he acted like I was bothering him, when I asked what he was up to - "just sitting around shooting the **** with the rest of the guys" (he's a car salesman for the Lincoln Mercury dealership). I'm trying to get last minute things done, finish packing, shopping, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, etc. and not able to concentrate long enough to do any of it... I feel like I'm being a horrible imposition on him, that my life is a "bother" right now, and he's having 2nd thoughts about being in my life at all.... Understandably, my emotions are a little "off" at the moment, and I feel sure I'm imagining 99.9% of all of this, which I probably am. I know we're both frightened about our relationship (which is getting VERY serious) and the upcoming surgery. When I found out the cancer was back (at work), he was at my office within 10 minutes and telling me we would walk through this together. I don't doubt his love or intentions, but I'm just feeling really insecure right now, and don't know how to say any of this to him. He's really trying (at least it seems that way) and I know I'm over reacting to every little thing. I'm sorry to vent, but it's just one of those mornings. All my family lives at least 6 hours away, and aren't planning to be here for the surgery (which is probably a good idea anyway, lol), but I guess I'm having a less than "strong" moment, and don't know how to handle it. I've always been a very independent person and now that seems to be biting me in the rear..... Please tell me all these feelings are normal.... I'm sitting here shaking all over, and need to be up doing things, but not sure that will happen anytime soon.

JMHO- I think you should try being open and honest about how you are feeling and what you need. If he cares as much as it seems like he does, he will understand and try to meet your needs.

One thing I have learned over the years is that you can not expect the other person to help meet your needs if you are not willing to give them some (even lots) of help knowing what you need. I even have to tell my dh, of 30 years, the words I want to hear, sometimes. It still works when he says them! And over the years he has learned to say them without any prompting from me.

Sharing feelings can help you make it through this together. Realizing some of the negative feelings towards people, esp. those close to you, are a product of anxiety or hormone imbalance or fluctuation, etc. is very helpful for both of you, too.

I hope you will try it and see what happens. I'm sure he wants to be supportive in any way he can!

first , second I am feeling the same scatered cant get all the stuff done I need to because Im so nervouse, Im really not too scared.... I have a very supprtive DH but he too is getting a bit scared I think.... this is the first time in MANY years that I have had fairly seriouse health problems, lately its been him, and now the caregiver shoes are on the other side.... but he is doing well, but you know men, they are the "mighty protectors" and right now they have NO control over what is happening to the most important person in there life, they cant do ANYTHING but be there for you , and I think sometimes thats not enough, they want to fix it NOW....have a MAJOR heart to heart.. tell him what you need, and hopefully he will come through.... if not..
we will all be here for you!!!!
GOOD LUCK
3 days left as a
Sheila

hi,

I've been going nuts too, my surgery is on the same date as yours. I've just been out of it lately and finally decided that everything will not be done. I'll do my shopping today and then go to the beach and read and enjoy my family. I probably have been over-reacting lately and very emotional too. I think this is all normal and mostly hope it is! Good luck to you and a huge



Beth

I think the majority of us have all had those feelings at one point or another before our surgery. I really thought I was going to lose my mind. I think you probably need to sit down and talk to your DBF and let him know how all of this is making you feel. It is a big deal, trying to deal with the reality of the surgery, get everything done, make all the plans, etc... It can be pretty overwhelming. Make sure you take some time for just you and some for just the 2 of you. It WILL all work out. Just relax and be good to YOU.

Erika