Jealousy???

I envied the women who didn't have them.

Kara

Lilly82, I know what you mean. I don't think "jealousy" is the right word for what I'm feeling, but I do feel robbed, if that makes sense. My TVH was midnight emergency surgery due to hemorrhaging (I did not know what happened until after I woke up in recovery). I did not have problems with my uterus prior to that, so losing it feels very strange. I felt the most anxiety and sadness about it in the first 2 weeks post op. I'm 4 weeks out now and life's distractions are lessening my emotional response.

It must feel strange if you woke up and didn't have a uterus. That would be weird, especially without suffering for years before, like I did. Even I felt like somehow I was violated (can't find the right word) but I didn't like the idea I was under and organs were taken. So you really must have those feelings to deal with. It gets better, really, as you can see.

Kara

Dear lavitanuova,

I don't know how I would feel if mine was an emergency hyster. I'm sorry for your loss. Please be strengthened to know you are not alone. There are other sisters here too who feel a sense of loss. I'll have you in my thoughts today.

I am sorry to hear that!! And robbed is a good word for it!! I also have had anxiety pretty bad since then, do you take anything for it??

	Quote:
Originally Posted by tauruslady I don't know that I've felt jealous but uncomfortable. The other night when my DH and I were watching tv there were 3 shows on in a row that centered around people having kids and I had to leave the room. My diagnosis and surgery were sudden and I didn't have all the pain leading up to my surgery that so many others have (that make them happy to have the surgery). I was stunned, all my pain has been post surgery since I didn't have any pre-surgery, that's been hard to deal with and it's made me angry, frustrated and hurt. However today I realized I can't live my life that way or it will just negatively impact my future so I'm trying to reconcile the post surgery me with the fact that the cancer I didn't know I had is gone. You can be jealous on occasion, just don't let it rule your life.

When we were at church and there was a baby dedication I had to bolt out of there!!!

Thanks for your comments, everyone. I'm doing okay, largely b/c I'm staying busy. I try to remember that the doctor performed the hyster in order to save my life, and that helps a little, but it is still very strange and emotionally hard.

Lilly82: I don't take anything (I think you mean anxiety/depr meds?) b/c I feel like I'm coping okay. I have my moments (Friday, for ex, was hard...some tears), but I'm able to process through them so they don't bog me down. It helps that I have a supportive husband.

I hope you're doing better today.

I am glad you seem to be doing better to!! And that's good that you don't have to take anything for your anxiety!! I wish I didn't cause I get so tired with it, but it's only temporary!! My husband has also been so supportive!! My mom to!! I think having a good support system is vital to recovery. And all the ladies on this website have been a tremendous help to!!!

i have, and i can totally relate to what you are saying. i will be out shopping in mall and when i looked at women, all i saw were "uteruses." i seem to run across a bunch of pregnant ladies lately for some reason. i was done with childbearing, have two wonderful daughters 13 and 10, so i was not attached in that way to my uterus.

i am just sooo glad that i was able to keep my ovaries and they seem to be working fine. i don't think i would have fared well departing with them . . . but that is just my opinion.

It certainly has been very interesting reading all the responses to this thread.

I guess for me, this was not a problem and even a friend of mine said to me that recently had the surgery that once it was over and done, I would probably have a few tears for what was taken from me and my lost ability to conceive ever again even if I knew I was done having children. Well, for me that tearyness never came and I think it might go back to just the kind of person I am, I have never really "embraced" my womaness, if this makes any sense at all... I actually hated my periods from the first time I got it and considered it nothing but a curse all these years despite the fact that my uterus carried my only child. I would have just as soon had it removed right after her birth. Maybe this sour attitude comes from having nothing but awful periods my entire 30 years I was menstrating, and after 30 years of hell, I was not sorry to see those organs removed from my body and in no way do I even feel remotely violated. I feel so happy sometimes I cannot contain my excitement.

I do feel for all the women that have had a hard time dealing with this sense of loss and wonder sometimes why I feel the complete opposite.