Mom and DH are clueless

My mom insists on coming to "help" but she will be staying here so I feel I have so much to do to get it liveable for her. I don't want to hear complaining from her, but she INSISTS on coming! How do you tell your mom NO?

Anyway, wish you all could have seen DH face tonight when I told him I was not even suppose to vaccuum! He is in no way ready for what is coming. Any ideas on how to prep him?

Sometimes no help is better than grudging help...hope the mom situation works out. Maybe you should just let her know that you need peace and quiet mostly and won't feel up to having a guest?

I'm not having problem with drop-in help, but I have had to fight off numerous people wanting to come visit me in the hospital. No way do I want to have to put on a cheerful face for visitors. I don't expect to feel good, I know I will look awful, and being fussed over is extremely tiring to me. I've told everyone to just come visit the second week when cabin fever starts to set in.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just odd?

I feel exactly the same. I want to hybernate which is why I think I don't really want my mom here. I am the type who just takes to her bed when sick with no theatrics. This whole "pamper" stuff is not my thing.

I know I need help, but being the center of attention makes me uncomfortable. Especially for this type of thing!

Deb,
Have you gone to the Hystersister Store yet and purchased the Hystersister Guide Book? There is a section in the book on how you are to be cared for as a Punctured Princess who MUST be Pampered!!!

The book is full of great ideas from those who have gone to the castle before us. You can have it in a few days cuz the in the hystersister store is really quick getting things shipped out. You will really really like the book.

Best wishes as you prepare to go to the castle!!

All I want to do when I feel bad is find a nice quiet cave and climb into it. No, I don't want tissues...NO I don't want water...NOOOOO I don't want the TV on!!! My DH is taking a week off to stay with me, and I have a bunch of projects planned for him so he can't obsess over me. An occasional check to make sure I'm breathing will be fine!

I understand how you feel. After my Mom found out I was having trouble with my ovaries she freaked...her Mother died with ovarian cancer at age 44. She and my Dad more than insisted I come to stay with them, use her gyn and have the surgery at her preferred hospital. I live in Ohio, Mom and Dad are in Louisiana. Needless to say this was not what I had in mind. It took me weeks of calmly expianing to her that it was better for me to stay here and use my doctor. It took awhile but we finally got the situation in hand and calmed her fears. I hope you are able to get you situation worked out the best for you.

I'm the same way. My husband's cousin & husband wanted to come from Jersey and stay a week. All I could think of is having to prepare the guest room, bath, etc. I knew after my surgery I'd be concerned if they were OK. I love them dearly, but they would have been all over me. Also, they both talk constantly and I'm also the type who just wants to be left alone when I'm sick.

I told them I would much prefer it if they came later when I'm stuck in and feeling like company. They did, and it was fun by then. I would NOT have been able to say that to my mom, tho.

Let us know how it works out.

Here's another idea. Go to the gray window at the top left side of the page. Under the icons for calendar and store, use the down arrow to get to Hyster Sister Home Page.

Once you get to the Home Page, go to the very bottom to the pull-down menus. Go to Ladies in Waiting and scroll down to "How others can help." This is full of good suggestions. I would not want people moving into my house to take care of me. You feel like you must entertain and will not get to rest. Your doctor will want you to rest and not be concerned about relatives being in your home right after surgery. There are good tips also on this "How others can help" article for husbands.

I don't mind my mom coming to see me or check on me but I would rather her not come stay with me either. Not that she isn't a good person or that she wouldn't want to come but everything is fine with just my own household. My husband is taking family leave to be with me which I think is so wonderful!! He is a good cook, loves to clean house and is laundry wizard . Even when I had the kids I just felt like it was our time to be there for each other, he feels like he wants to take care of me now and we have been married 19 yrs so he knows just how to make me feel taken care of without overdoing it. I wouldn't want to have it any other way.
Besides he KNOWS what I have been going through everyday and is the most considerate of my feelings about the upcoming surgery.

If you think your dh isn't ready for the upcoming challenges of the household, give him a calendar and make a list of things to do each day, try to keep it simple and start with a clean house and stocked kitchen., and don't expect everything to be done the way you do them. As long as basic needs are met, look the other way if things aren't perfect, and praise him lots.

Good Luck with your surgery.

shelle1962