What is wrong with my DH??

I am 9 days post-op and my DH is being a big baby! The first week was great he has been awesome he has taken care of everything. We have 2 small children that have stayed at my moms and my friends house because they are extremely demanding and I need my rest. My mom has been making casseroles so all he has to do is put them in the oven my 10yr old son has been doing the dishes so really he hasn't had to do much but all of a sudden he acts like he is being so put out. Today he didn't talk to me because when he called me this AM I answered rude. Mind you he woke me up after I couldnt sleep most of the night and I apologized! Is he 3? It is driving me crazy! It makes me feel guilty for laying around so I start to do house work which I know I will pay for the next day but I don't want him to be mad at me. Oh did I mention all he does is complain about not having sex like we had it 5 times a day before the surgery. I know there is always outer course but im only 9 days post-op. 5 more weeks of this im not sure I will make it or maybe he wont!! Shouldn't I be the emotional one??
OK im done now thanks for listening to me complain I feel a little better now!
Did anyone else's husband behave like this or am I the only lucky

I would put a boot in his butt! Do NOT start doing housework yet. You need MORE time. If you start doing too much now, you will wind up back in the Castle with possibly more surgery and that will delay things even more!!! I not only have recently had a TVH, but I work in a hospital and I am a medical assistant. Follow my advice. If your dh doesn't become more supportive, try relating it to him in terms he would understand. Ask him how spry and active he would be if he had just had his boy parts surgically removed?! Sorry to be crass, but that's just how I am. Stay in bed and rest as much as possible!!! Hoping things get better for you!!!

there are some good articles for husbands on this site it explains why you shouldnt have sex before six weeks why you should leave the house work go why you should watch for adhesions if you lift bend strain to much tell him to grow up he can wait for sex i bet if he had his private operated on he wouldnt be thinking about sex tell him to invest his energy into housework and taking care of the kids

My DH was this way for so long when I was laid up for other reasons, one being a c-section.

I got 2 weeks of him being SUPER nice for this. He finally told me, "I wish you would carry your weight". Excuse me?

DO NOT DO HOUSEWORK!! Tomorrow will mark my 4th week post-op and I am just now feeling like I can do a LITTLE!! (check out the checkpoints)

You are a special person. YOU must take care of yourself. Do not let anyone bully or manipulate you into hurting yourself. I was guilty of this in the past, but not this time. This is serious stuff. There are so many complications that can happen. You have one chance to heal!!

I so understand how difficult it is to live with the pressure of them being "mad" at you. You just have to believe you are doing the best thing. I know when I was going through this I really felt unloved. I felt if my dh loved me, he would want the best for ME. I also thought he would take an interest and read about what was going on with me and my recovery. NOPE. My DH has is opinions, educated or not. Go figure on that one!

HUGS my sister. Stay strong and take care of yourself. We are here to encourage you. My prayers are with you!!

I am sorry about your situation. Have you had a chance to look at our Mister Hyster site? Mister Hysters aims to provide helpful information and explainations to those around us, including the your DH.

Also, has your DH been able to attend any of your dr's appts so that he understands from your dr what you can and can not do and how long your recovery will be? My dr explained a lot to my DH and that was very helpful to both of us.

I wish you the best and hope that you and your DH are able to talk about your situation so you both understand how to best deal with your recovery so you are able to heal right, the first time.

I am also 9 days post-op, TAH, miserable, swollen,tired,still in pain, but I am not having near the trouble you are with your dh. I feel for you, hang in there,please dont let anyone make you hurt yourself. If you do not take good care of yourself now you will not be able to care for everyone later.

I'm 11 days post-op. My dh has been great, but today I felt like it's starting to get to him. Because I'm recovering slowly he had taken more days off than anticipated. He has been back to work for two days and is trying to catch up with all the stuff he missed. He's tired!

He's still cooking casseroles I had frozen ahead, etc. - but to him that's a big deal. I'm a SAHM, so he's used to me doing all that stuff. The kids are helping, but it's tough. Today was the first day that I felt like they were all looking at me like I should get over it already.

I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that at least they are learning the value of what I do in the home! I agree with the others. Stand firm and take care of yourself and that will speed your recovery!

It is possible that your DH is overwhelmed and just doesn't handle it well. What is happening to you, though it is your body, is happening to both of you. It could be fear, it could be stress, or it could be that he is just being a butt. In any case, he may not realize that he is doing it. I good long talk may help. He needs to understand what is happening to you, and what he can do to help the process along. The mister side of this site could help, but a conversation with your doctor might be needed too.

Another thought... I see this with new employees a lot.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "all you have to do is _(insert task)_ and she/he can't get that right." Then I remind who ever made the comment that once upon a time, he/she didn't get it right either. What we do on a daily basis may seem routine or even easy, but to someone who doesn't do it, simple household chores can be overwhelming. My DD (15) took over the housework for the last two months, and the other day she made the comment to someone else that she finally understood how hard my job is, and that she didn't know how I could go to work all day then come home and work all night.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that she and DH are not doing even half of the housework that needed to be done. So even though they are not doing much by my standards, they are swamped by theirs. It is all a matter of perception.

I hope it all works out for you.

I think that it does get to our significant others because they are so used to us doing it all. My db is not the same in this aspect, however, did not seem to understand that I am still healing even now. I think that these men feel helpless as well. Like they can't fix us. Tell him that you just had major surgery, or did he forget? That you will not be cleared for any activity for at least 6 weeks, if not longer, and that you can't wait to be back to "normal" either. Like I said, I am 2 1/2 months now, and still getting sore when i overdue it. Good luck.

LvnLakers,

Girl I feel what you are going thru. I am also 9 days PO and my husband is getting the attitude also. He can't understand why I can't climb on a stool and get stuff off of the top shelf. He doesn't understand why I am not unloading the dryer and the list goes on and on. He had told me that I am milking it. I told him that I hope one day he has to go thru something like this so that he would know what it is like to be in pain not only externally but internally. (Don't really wish that on him was just mad at the moment.) My kids are helping for they are only 5 and 7 and need a lot of direction even if they are helping. I am standing firm and basically telling him that I have done if for the 16 years that we have been married that it won't kill him to handle it for 6 weeks. Keep your chin up. We are with you girl.