TAH: Insensitive People

Everyone has an opinion and thinks that they are right, however unless they have been through this themselves no one knows what we go through. Even the people who have been through this can sometimes be very judgmental. Try to not let them get you down and never second guess yourself. Sorry that you are going through this and have people who are not there lifting you up and supporting you. Sending you many hugs.

Wow, how completely insensitive! I'd say that you found out before your surgery that she's not a real friend. Let her become an acquaintance and don't share personal things with her anymore. So sorry that happened.

Hi everyone!

Thanks for your support and words of reassurance. I was upset still when I awakened this morning. I also would not like her saying that to other people.

Well if they know me, they know I am not 'that' person. My idea of vacation is not organ removal procedures.

I will avoid her as suggested. I'm better off.

Thanks again!

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Originally Posted by JSTx Wow, how completely insensitive! I'd say that you found out before your surgery that she's not a real friend. Let her become an acquaintance and don't share personal things with her anymore. So sorry that happened.

I agree, Best Wishes !

I have been finding it interesting on this journey just how much "society" and "people" influence the care of adult women. What is such an incredibly painful and difficult (and yes, somewhat obsessive) process for me (us) is often determined by "them" to be "no big deal." Just like when women are pregnant and others think it gives them permission to touch their bellies without asking (or even permission to ask - who else has their belly touched?) or give them unsolicited parenting advice, so too does having "lady problems" or a hysterectomy invite minimization and opinion.

What other body part can have a "tumor" or "overgrowth of cells" or "abnormal cells" or "bleeding" without people understanding how serious it is, how challenging and painful and scary it must be? If any of these things were happening in a man's pelvis (or lower), it likely would be a different story. After all, prostrate problems aren't generally ignored. But make it a woman's uterus or ovary or cervix or vagina, and somehow - we are just one of the 200,000 women who have this surgery. And yes, other women who haven't been here are sometimes the worst. I'm ashamed to say I completely did not understand what my mom was going through when she did this 17 years ago, and I apologize to her every day now. (Not that I ever said anything negative, however - and she agrees with this, thank goodness.)

Remember that no matter what anyone else says - it is YOUR body part, YOUR tumor, cells, overgrowth, pain, heartbreak, fear. This is one time when no matter what ANYONE else says - including your doctor or surgeon (mine has unintentionally said some hurtfully minimizing things), this is YOUR LIFE and YOUR experience. That is ALL that matters and the ONLY real "truth."

Thank you, founding sisters, for starting this site for all of us to connect in, for understanding the reality of our bodies, lives, pain, experiences, and need for support. Thank you, sisters, for being here. I will be here for you.

Well..cause I am witchy and kind of hormonal I would probably say..you know what..I had the option to take time off to go on a cruise to the Bahamas OR have my female organs ripped out my belly button..after lots of thought and contemplation..I opted for organ ripping..now leave me alone before I pay it forward! GRRRRRRRR......

You know reading about the insensitivity of people makes me cry one minute and get mad as the devil the next!
From reading so many different posts, I know so many of you are like myself. I think of all the times in the past at least 40+ years, I have taken care of friends children, cooked and delivered meals after surgeries, births or deaths, sent cards, visited, called and sent love/care packages to so many friends and our church members. I have been so hurt by the lack of caring or concern I have been shown by all of these people I have been there for when they needed someone. The only people outside of my family that have come to see me is my Sunday School teacher and his family. I got one get well card and that is all. My preacher and his wife (who had a hysterectomy last year and I cooked dinner and took to their home!!) have not come, called or even sent a card!! All the ladies at church I thought were my friends...well I have found out differently!! They even told me before I had surgery they would be bringing meals for the next couple of weeks since I would not be able to fix anything! I thank God I didn't wait on them to bring anything, I would have already starved to death!!

It's heartbreaking we have to go through something like this and have all the emotions we experience, one which is loneliness, only to have to discover most, if not all the people we thought were our friends and cared about us, don't! It gives you a lot of time to re-evaluate your life and decide a different path to travel!! I know for myself, I'll be making 180° turn from the path I was traveling!

Hugs to you all and I pray we all have learned a lot through this venture and we will all be stronger and better women for it!!!

I'm just over three weeks post op and the most insensitive person has been my only daughter. She thinks just because I'm not in constant pain I should be able to do stuff in the house like dishes, cleaning the bathroom, taking the dog out, etc. it aggravates me immensely. Everyone else has been awesone. Even my regular customers at work have said they had one and I will feel so much better. I expected my daughter to be the one to help me the most and it's been others that have. If she was not my only child I would have asked her to leave and do it myself.

You don't owe anyone any explanations. You owe it to yourself to take care of you. I've noticed for the most part people do not really understand unless they have gone through similar circumstances. I only told a select few on my job- two of whom I work with in the classroom setting so that it wouldn't come as a surprise to them that I will be out for a long time. I am a reserved person anyway. Tomorrow I go to set a date for my surgery. The discomfort and pain is undeniably plain awful! I wish you a successful recovery on your upcoming surgery. Take great care!

You certainly find out who your friends are at times like this