HysterSisters.com is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.
Our community is filled with women who have been through the
Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators.
HysterSisters.com is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.
With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.
You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
|
|
Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
|
01-31-2016, 07:32 AM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 5
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
|
|
Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
My procedure is scheduled for 2/3. My mother graciously come to help but....... I am working full-time as well as taking 6 credits at a masters level. I live with my 23 y.o. daughter and my 34 y.o. brother has been living with us since April. Both of them are used to me doing EVERYTHING in the house. But I have stopped taking care of everything because I do not have the time nor energy to continue at that pace. (I have asked for help but of course neither of them are used to having to contribute to the household, so I don't stress myself or them, I just deal)
Emotionally overwhelmed because my daughter is moving to NY this month. Also concerned about keeping up for this semester. Also at a juxtaposition at work.
My mother is riding my case about the fact that I am not taking care of the house and not 'keeping" my daughter and brother in line.
She arrived yesterday and we have had several run ins.
It was my intention to take it easy so that I would be mentally and emotionally prepared for the procedure. But I every muscle in my body is tense, my stomach is upset and I cannot stop crying.
Thank you for letting me vent.
|
Sponsored Links
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
01-31-2016, 08:01 AM
|
|
|
|
Posts: 19,781
Hysterectomy: May 29th, 2013
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
Your mother is there to help you. If she's going to cause you more harm emotionally than she's providing help, ask her to leave. This is your surgery, your recovery and you come first.
My sister offered to come up from the States to stay with me the week after surgery. She's a clean freak with an OCD diagnosis. I politely refused. She said that she "needed" to be there with me. I replied, "*I* need my space. I'm the person with cancer, so my needs come first."
This applies to *any* hysterectomy, not just for cancer. *Your* needs come first.
As for your daughter and brother, they can take care of themselves. When they get hungry and run out of clean clothes, they'll figure it out. Make sure that *you* have lots of clean clothes in stock ahead of time, so that you don't have to do laundry. After surgery, focus on resting and relaxing. Don't worry about the state of the house. The house will still be there after you've healed.
Try to let your work and study worries go during recovery. They just aren't your primary concerns. Re: studies, I found I had a lot of brain fog the first week after surgery, but after that I could work at my computer on financial and programming projects. If there's course work you can do at home, it's quite likely that you'll be able to handle it.
|
|
01-31-2016, 12:14 PM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 4,029
Hysterectomy: June 5th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
And that's why I didn't tell people (yes even my mother) about the surgery until afterwards. You can always tell her thanks for coming but you don't want to inconvenience her and you will be fine on your own.
|
Sponsored Links
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
01-31-2016, 05:59 PM
|
|
|
|
Posts: 16,835
Hysterectomy: February 21st, 2013
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
Dear friend,
This is such a hard situation. But the last thing you need now is additional stress.
Would you feel comfortable having a low key chat with everyone and "assign" them specific chores to pitch in? You must retire your superwoman cape. There is no way you can continue you juggle everything. The house responsibilities need to shared. Perhaps when your family sees no meals are magically appearing on the table, laundry is not handled by the laundry fairy, and the dust bunnies are raccoon sized - they will get the idea. You will NOT be able to continue doing everything.
I am so sorry your Mom is adding to the fray. You need to make it clear as best you can you do not need advice on handling your daughter and brother - and that you need her help to support you. Be specific in however she can help you. I'm hoping she "gets it" so you don't have to ask her to leave.
Here is an article dealing with family:
Dealing with Non Supportive Family
There is also a section on our site called Mister Hysters - but it is also for partners, spouses, parents, adult children, siblings - anyone who needs to know what you are going through mentally and physically.
You can't let your family drag you down. I know you love them but you must think of yourself, which is probably a first for you. Tell them as best you can how they can help you. If they don't get it, see if you can enlist anyone else to help you.
Hugs and do what is best for you and only you.
PS: I just found this article in specific things your family can plan on doing if they sincerely want to help you:
How Can Family Help Me
You are not being selfish.
Your mom needs to get on board to help you - hugs and prayers she does
.
|
|
01-31-2016, 06:29 PM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 191
Hysterectomy: November 10th, 2015
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
If your mother thinks she is there to help, why is she riding you about not tidying the place etc.? What does she see as her role to 'help'? To me, helping is doing the things she is telling you off for not doing.
I think if she is not helping then you should (politely) tell her to leave. Your daughter and brother are old enough to figure out how to do things themselves, they'll work it out!
|
|
02-01-2016, 04:30 AM
|
|
AKA Wonder Woman
|
|
Posts: 269
Hysterectomy: February 26th, 2016
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now right before your surgery.
I'm glad you have our support to vent and let everything out. It really does help to get it off your chest.
I personally know how hurtful a mother's comments can be. Do this. Do that. Don't do this. Don't do that.
We are adult women with children and while we appreciate their concern, we know what's best for our children and our household.
It's not easy to just let these comments go but I have been learning to either A) tell her I'm doing my best with the situation I have or B) I have to pick my battles with her and decide which comment I will let her just say to say and which comment is really hurtful and I have to say something back.
Try your best to relax. Your mom is there to help you out so there is a plus side.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery 😊
|
|
02-01-2016, 04:16 PM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 5
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
Ladies,
I cannot express the appreciation I have for you taking the time to respond.
Dora E, izzi 111, Marcia Mae, Coughy 16, SurprisedInNB, I value your comments and suggestions.
Dora E-So true about the hurtful comments, I am learning to say something back, it has taken many years
izzi 111- I finally asked her why she came, she answered to help and i jokingly said it would help if she went and stayed with my other brother
Marcia Mae-thank you for your words, your prayers and the articles, so very helpful, and you are so right
Coughy16- I actually moved the procedure up because my mother said she couldn't make it at a certain time....she made it, I just try to appreciate that she cares enough to be here
SurprisedinNB-thank you for the tip about the week following, and the reminder that there is not a thing wrong with putting myself first
As an update....... I simply left the house yesterday and treated myself to a pedicure and picked up a couple of cute comfy pajamas and necessities for recovery. Have a massage and a facial scheduled for tomorrow. Feeling much better.
Thank you again for your words of wisdom. HysterSister Hugs to you all.
|
|
02-01-2016, 04:27 PM
|
|
|
|
Posts: 19,781
Hysterectomy: May 29th, 2013
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
And she could take the brother who lives with you with her when she goes! Yes, that's brilliant! Good thinking, butrscotchcloud.
|
|
02-01-2016, 04:31 PM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 5
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
|
|
Re: Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
true!
|
|
02-02-2016, 02:55 AM
|
|
AKA Wonder Woman
|
|
Posts: 269
Hysterectomy: February 26th, 2016
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
Upcoming hysterectomy 2/3: My mother came to "help" and she is stressing me out!
I'm so glad to read you're having a better day!
It sounds like you have an awesome day planned out. Take advantage of it.
For the next 4-6 weeks put yourself first which is not easy to do.
You are worth it & u got this!!! 👑
|
|
|
Similar Threads
|
From This Forum |
From Other Forums |
11 Replies, Last Reply 12-15-2015, Started By hbouchard1 4 Replies, Last Reply 11-18-2015, Started By nursechick33 9 Replies, Last Reply 10-27-2014, Started By ftc1010 6 Replies, Last Reply 09-23-2014, Started By kcochran70 13 Replies, Last Reply 07-04-2014, Started By always1011 4 Replies, Last Reply 04-17-2014, Started By dhazard 7 Replies, Last Reply 02-20-2012, Started By lavalentin 7 Replies, Last Reply 05-07-2008, Started By lclcar 4 Replies, Last Reply 03-10-2008, Started By pdwhoney 0 Reply, Started By robaseball96 2 Replies, Last Reply 10-12-2007, Started By hopeful39 5 Replies, Last Reply 10-17-2005, Started By janalta 5 Replies, Last Reply 03-04-2004, Started By GiantPony 8 Replies, Last Reply 01-09-2002, Started By Melanie Sanco |
10 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 2 Replies, Pelvic Floor and Bladder Issues 11 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 2 Replies, The Road Less Traveled 7 Replies, Cancer Concerns - GYN 1 Reply, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) |
|
Advertisement
Hysterectomy News
TODAY'S EVENTS
Calendar -
Hysterectomies -
Birthdays
Request Information
I am a HysterSister
Your Hysterectomy Date
$vbulletin->featuredvideos is not an array!
Advertisement
Advertisement
|