Aggravated, frustruated and just plain mean!

Hey ladies!! I'm new here and I'm so glad I found ya'll. I've learned so much about what to expect when I have my TAH on July 2. Here's my issue...my husband! My sweet, wonderful, clueless husband. Everything he says rubs me the wrong way and I find myself being so mean and grumpy to him. I've been kind of weepy ever since I found out about the surgery and he can't seem to understand why. He keeps asking me what's wrong. Duh!!I guess I'm not explaining it correctly because he just doesn't seem to "get it"! How can I make him understand how I feel when I don't even understand it??

You are not alone. My husband had and still has a problem dealing with my surgery. Before my TVH he compared it to his vascetomy. NOT THE SAME! Has he ever had a major surgery? It is hard to understand what one goes through until they have walked throught it themselves.
your dh may not be able to cope with you hurting. Mine didn't and let my dear friend take care of me for several days after surgery and now I am alone at home only 3 weeks post op alone because he went on vacation.
You will find your best support from your female friends and this site. Check out the pre-op forums. This is a great site to help sooth some of your anxieties.
Have you dh go with you to the dr. when you plan the pre-op. That may help some. You are about to make a huge change in your life and you are a little edgy and that is normal. Bring your list of ?'s with you to the dr. visit and it will help your dh to be there so he can ask questions too. His will probably be more about the intimate part of your relationship than how he can helpI you. My dh asked the intimate questions, which I was glad he did because I had a male gyn.
I hope this helps you and I am sure there will be others to respond to your question.

Hi Lezliez!

I know what you are going through! Unfortunately it is called hormones and they are hard to explain. There's this great publication that is called "Mister Hyster Sister" You can get it in the Store. I downloaded it for my husband and learned a thing or two myself! It is really informative.

I have a husband who just does not get it as well. But I am thrilled to be getting this done and over with. But what my husband does not get is the recovery. He thinks I will get out of the hospital and be back to normal. I think he is just dreading taking care of me and all the kids for awhile.

Good luck. There is a site called mistersisters or something, you may be able to find some info for him to read.

Wow LS, thanks for all that! You pretty much nailed it. I hate that your DH went on vaca without you. Or maybe not! If he's anything like mine, you probably needed to be away from him for awhile. I just don't think men can understand this thing. No matter how many times we explain, cry or complain...we're pretty much on our on! I thank God for new friends!

yes, he went without me. I pleaded for him stay home and take care of me, but he said he needed a break and I always got me way! He is very self centered. someday when he needs care, i hope I don't treat like he treated me. I know that won't because i have a very caring and nurturing side to me. He is just selfish!

I'm so relieved to hear that I'm not the only one. My DH is very kind and understanding, helping so much with everything because of the endometriosis pain and exhaustion. But my daughter is graduating from high school on Saturday--I have 60 million people coming to stay with us and so, so, SO much to do. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't have the energy to do what I normally do (I'm a Martha Stewart-type). I explain it to her and she says she understands, but when it comes right down to it, she has expectations about next weekend and I feel guilty when I try to take it easy and don't get things done. I've been short-tempered with her and I feel so bad because I know this is a special time for her. She's trying to help and everything, but I'm nervous about getting everything ready and so tired. To top it all off, my period is a week early and even more painful than usual and I keep having these episodes of nausea, headache and light-headedness when I overdo. I'm sorry to sound like such a whiner, but it feels better just to write it all down.

lightningsusie

Hugs to you. My dh is also trying to compare it to his v saying he got something cut out of him. And to think that little piece he got cut out cost him a week and a half on the couch cause he overdid it. And yet he thinks I can be back to normal when I get home.

Men men men.

Hi there,

I guess we just have to keep our expectations in check. My DH isn't the most nurturing/understanding either. He's not a bad husband, but I just know he will not provide the emotional support and understanding that I have needed through this experience, so I try not to go there or expect it from him and I then I don't feel disappointed. It is actually better for me overall. I have a wonderful Mom, sister and best friend that I can vent to and this site is WONDERFUL! Especially after surgery. Two things that have been helpful for me: (1) was to be able to get in and out of bed by myself before I was discharged from the hospital and (2) is a reacher to pick things up off the floor. I think (3) would be a cleaning lady but I've yet to investigate that option. Ha! Soon!!! (My family isn't keeping up on housework, etc.) Honestly though, I had a horizontal abdominal incision and lost both ovaries so instant menopause and I must say I think our frame of mind is so important to how we cope with the fear of surgery, preparing for it, as well as recovery. Be realistic. If your hubby hasn't been the best of listeners or emotional support, chances are he won't now --- he's just not wired that way. Darn it! I hope I don't sound unsupportive of you because I am. I just want you to be as calm as possible so that you recover well. Try to take it one day, one task at a time and lean on your girlfriends/us who can be there for you.

Thank you . i needed that. I am about to head to bed, but i had to vent to my aunt and best friend before heading off to bed because dh made me mad again tonight. he wanted ME to drive 150 miles one way to see him on Friday at his dad's and go home on Sunday because he would be wore out from having to drive 300 extra miles to see me and then turn around on Monday to go to a week's job in OKC. I told him NO. He ranted and raved about how it would cost him money and more miles on his body if he came to see me. I told him no because I have a dr.s appt that I have to drive myself to that is 100 miles away one way on Monday. I was NOT going to drive 500 miles in less than 5 days by myself. i will be 4 weeks post op. i am going to stay with a friend on Sun. night so I don't have to do 200 miles in one day. He has just tore me up inside with his childish ways and thinking this past week. Thank God for my friend and aunt that understand me and are there for me emotionally.