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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
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01-26-2007, 06:50 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 165
Hysterectomy: January 8th, 2007
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Ok, so I did what I have yelled at some of you for... overdoing it because I was feeling up to it. I paid the price tonight with some pain and weirdly, nausea. In any case, my surgery was less than three weeks ago. I have been a good girl and laid low. I was cleared for driving only on Monday ( no lifting or nookie yet ), but I have had a bit of foggy brain while driving because I am so darn tired. I have been caring for my young kids, but that is about it. Hubby has been dealing with bathtime, laundry etc. I have been cautious as to not set me back, I want to feel like me again and enjoy my life! That said, my freinds have been on me to get out and do things. I have gently reminded them that I just had major surgery and I need time to heal. Well, a few nights ago DH made a flippant remark about how mental illness runs in my family and that he doesn't want to go to the store for too long because I might " do something to myself " ( real cute as my Aunt took her own life and my dad suffers from depression, I stay on top of my emotional health given my family history ) I digress...he said he was kidding, HA HA. Well tonight our neighbors call and tell us to come over with the kids and hang by the fire, that I need to get out. Intentions were good, but I am in pain tonight and feel yukky. I want to feel yukky in my own house, not mocking social graces with the neighbors. So, the neighbor ( the husband ) calls my DH and says that he thinks that I am depressed, that I don't want to leave the house and that he had better get me help NOW. ***?????? Are you kidding? I just had surgery, I am RECOVERING, I am feeling better and want to continue to do so, I WANT my life back. Terribly. I want to go out to dinner, to shop, to take my kids to school. Ifeel so betrayed right now. DH didn't stick up for me, he just went with it. My 7 year old understands more than anyone, funny huh. Hey buddy, how 'bout we remove one of your testicles and see if you want to party two weeks later! GRRRRRR!!! I feel sad, yes, suicidal?? NO!
Ok, I'm done. Thanks for listening
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01-26-2007, 06:54 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 99
Hysterectomy: January 8th, 2007
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Oh no, I'm so sorry! I know what you mean, since we are three weeks out people are starting to think we are much more healed than we are. A friend of mine asked me to lunch today and I was going to go, I wanted to go but then this morning I did not feel well. I called and asked her to bring it here instead. I just want to reassure you that you are NORMAL. I had surgery the same day as you and I am feeling exactly the same. I feel better but not well enough to be socializing. Keep taking care of you!
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01-26-2007, 07:07 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 2,509
Hysterectomy: November 16th, 2006
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Just keep doing good, what I mean is keep on the right track and doing what is good for you. I also had some one make a comment to me when i was just 3 weeks. They told me they couldn't believe that I wasn't getting over it faster. I was floored, but you know what it didn't really matter what they thought, I just kept doing what was best for me. Take care of yourself!!!
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01-26-2007, 07:18 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 696
Hysterectomy: April 6th, 2005
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Rant away - you are allowed to be emotional...
I was 'doing' at 3 weeks - but it was a very planned, controlled and cautious 'doing'...
Your neighbor 'cares' - maybe went about it wrong but the sentiment and concern is there... same for your friends...
Many women who have not had this surgery (including my Mom until this past month) - do not know the toll it takes physically, mentally and emotionally - and the relief when the surgery itself is over and we can begin to look ahead even thru the drugs and brain fog.
You will have months and years to go hang with the neighbors - perhaps suggest a night of a movie and popcorn next week (planned, so you can budget your energy) with the provision that if you are not up to it then your DH and son will join them while you relax and nap.
Don't beat your DH up - what was he to do - argue with him over if you are depressed? If your DH isn't concerned about you being depressed (mine was to the point of almost physically dragging me to a shrink) - then he may have believed that it wasn't really the neighbors' call (in one ear, out the other)
Now - deep breathe, release, deep breathe, release.... feel a bit better?
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01-26-2007, 07:31 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 165
Hysterectomy: January 8th, 2007
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Thanks girls...
I think what bothers me is that DH and friends know that I had a rough time both physically and emotionally. DH is VERY non-confrontational, all the time. It would have made me feel a bit better had he said something to the effect of " she is a tough cookie and she is doing the best she can " I AM a tough cookie LOL! I have about 15 GYN surgeries and 7 IVF's to prove it wink* wink. I guess I just needed validation from DH. It stinks to think that the neighbors are whispering under the willows about me when I am down. I am almost there people, give me a few more days!!!
Thanks for listening sisters, it means so much!! You are all such a blessing!
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01-26-2007, 07:40 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 696
Hysterectomy: April 6th, 2005
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
They are not 'whispering under the willows'.... it sounds like (1) they like you and your family (2) they genuinely care and (3) they wanted to try to do something to make you feel better.
NO ONE knows, until they have had this surgery, the energy it takes just to take a shower and get dressed (nap required afterwards!).... let alone make it out the door, go somewhere for a couple hours, and then wanting to get back home to nap.
As women our bodies are so regulated by estrogen/progesterone that even having kept the ovaries - they aren't in gear to give us our normal 'balance'.
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01-26-2007, 07:48 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 165
Hysterectomy: January 8th, 2007
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
I hear ya Sandy, I know intellectually that you ar right, there is no BIG conspiracy. I suppose I just want DH to be my prince and ride in and defend my honor LOL! I hate that I have to explain myself, they are acting as if I don't want to hang with them and that I'm no fun. Gosh, it's like a school playground. I need to check my street signs, I think I might live On Wisteria Lane!
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01-26-2007, 07:56 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 696
Hysterectomy: April 6th, 2005
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
I'm married to a retired Flag Officer in the USMC (rough, tough Marine, rarin' for a fight) - and "I" defend my honor better - LOL... it doesn't mean he doesn't care -- he's just clueless LOL
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01-27-2007, 10:10 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 74
Hysterectomy: January 5th, 2007
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
I'm VERY sensitive about that sort of thing too. My father committed suicide and my maternal grandmother was bipolor (called it manic depressive back then).
Lots of other 'nutty' family history as well. So, when anyone makes comments like that, it hits me like a brick and I feel extremely defensive.
I especially feel hurt when my husband does it- even in jest.
I don't have any advice for you- but also know that we women aren't necessarily looking for advice for emotional stuff- just need a shoulder.
You have mine.
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01-27-2007, 12:04 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 54
Hysterectomy: January 4th, 2007
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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MAJOR rant coming, My head is going to explode!
Rabbitsky:
I can completely understand where you're coming from also. For some reason, we have to be superwomen, whether it's to appiese ourselves or to save face to others around us. Even in the face of our own massive trauma, we feel the need to prove ourselves and jump right back into our normal routines, even if it is too early. The only problem with doing this (other than the obvious pain we endure as a result of our actions), is that the menfolk see us as "good as new again". I think that, once they see us up and about, they assume that we are 100% and able to do what we had been doing prior to the surgery. I read somewhere that it helps if you remain in "lounge clothes" --that will give a non-verbal reminder to you and to your family of your recent surgery and/or restrictions .
The other part of this is the betrayal that you felt- I can completely understand that also. My DH did almost the same exact thing (less the emotional references) with his parents. His dad called and asked a major task of him, one that took him away from me and our two young kids a big chunk of the 2nd weekend that I was home. DH just went with it in the interest of keeping the peace! Hello- I was 1 week and 1 day post op! It would've been different had I had some additional support to step in on his behalf while he was gone, but my mom has been less than helpful and his mom never helps that way. It sounds like, in your situation, that your neighbor has really taken a little too much liberty in making the observations that he/she did. I don't blame you for feeling betrayed by your DH unwillingness to defend you- I felt the same with my DH and his peace-keeping efforts. If these guys were smart, they'd be focusing on keeping the peace AT HOME! LOL They never learn!
For now, though, focus in on yourself and what you need to be doing for your recovery. The less stress you're dealing with, the better! If you don't want to go out and about, then don't do it- you need to go by what your body and your heart is telling you. Good luck with everything- I'm here if you want to vent some more! Take care!!
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