How do I recover admist stress at home?

I love my husband but he's making me miserable while I'm trying to recover. I'm afraid that the stress is going to affect how I heal. He's on me constantly and thinks that I'm being lazy and that I should be able to do a lot more by now. He gives me a hard time for lying down or even if I appear to be in any pain, even if he caused it! I still cook and do all the chores and tend to the kids.

I don't have family to help me out or that I can go stay with. His family is available but honestly, that's more work for me as they expect me to wait on them when they come over.

I guess I'm just frustrated and whining a bit here, sorry. I know I will heal in time. I'm just afraid of compromising my healing by being subjected to some of the stuff in my home.

This too shall pass.

Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry that you are not getting the support that you need. I think sometimes "the guys" are so uncomfortable seeing us in pain or unable to do what we used to do that they try to "bully" us into more than we feel capable of doing. You should not feel bad that you are not up to par yet. It is still early in your recovery. Don't rush -- it will only lead to a longer time of recovery. Remind your DH of this. We are here for you. Hugs.

Hi butterflyboo,

I am so sorry you're not getting support from dh. Maybe you need to sit him down and tell him everyone heals different, and that you're just not there yet. I am 3 days ahead of you and am not near back to normal...so I understand how you're feeling.

I don't think a lot of men understand. You look at most men..when they get a cold it's like they're dying...can you imagine them having a hyster???? Oh if the roles were reversed it be different huh?

You hang in there. I know what you mean about not having people to help out. I also feel as if I've been forgotten about...especially by my friends. My one friend only called me once..never brought food or offered a thing. Another one hasn't even called, and one other did bring food once, but hasn't called since. But I do have one GREAT friend who has been there. She is ill herself so I don't expect her to do housework..she can barely do her own, but has been there calling and visiting.

You're right..this too shall pass! Hang in there ok? Remember you're not on this journey alone.

Butterfly,
You are not just venting, you have a very valid complaint. Your husband should be ALOT more concerned about your health and welfare but as some men need to see proof to realize how serious this is maybe you could have your doctor write up or give you some facts and information on paper for your dh to see. You could also print out some of the facts on this site. If you go to the top of the page and click on post op and then click on -help too much too soon- It has alot of good information about what can happen to us if we do too much too soon. There is also alot of other good info on there or go to the- for men- area and check out the info there. I'll be praying for you and please please don't overdo regardless of your dh complaints. You only have one chance to heal right and you deserve that.
Val

That really stinks. I am sorry that you are not receiving the support you need. It is so critical. How about....

- don't cook a night or two: order pizza, take out, etc.

- skip some chores: get those 'essentials' done that would drive you mad if yoiu didn;t do them,

- pop in a movie for the child(ren): allowing the tv to 'babysit' for a night isn't the end of the world -- heck, even skip bath one night (just sponge off the essential areas)! Read extra books all snuggled together -- it will let your body rest while also spending quality time with your child(ren).

I wish I could come up with more ideas for you, sweetie. Wouldn't hurt to talk to your dh -- tell him how you feel & that you need a days or two (or more) off duty.

Good luck and make it an 'early bedtime' night!

Thanks for your support ladies. I really appreciate it.

I wish I wasn't in my predicament during my recovery, of all times. I guess I really need to work on me and my recovery and safety.

Thanks again!

Can your Dr. talk to him to explain how important it is that you don't overdo? Would he listen? Is there anyone he WOULD listen to that could explain how serious this is? I am so sorry you don't have support from your husband. That must be so hard.

maybe you should have him read on this board to see the pain women go through.
Im not trying to be mean, but if it were a man they would be really whining and not moving! You have to take care of yourself he really needs to help more!!! I hope you really get some rest, if not it can really set you back!
take care of yourself!

my heart goes out to you..please know that many are praying for you. sending lots of hugs your way.

warmly,
Dee

With my dh, if it comes from the doctor - he's so much more understanding. Still not the best, but better than if he feels it's just my opinion....ugh! Men!

I'm really sorry you're going through this right now!